PIL and Multiple Inheritances

[ConceputilsingApparantly]

Name changed in case outing in real life.

PIL have just received their fourth large inheritance (he was sole beneficiary to his mother and brother in recent years, MIL got 1/3 of her father's estate and now 1/3 of her brother's property worth over £1 million).

Obviously this is DH's grandparents and uncles who have passed away. He is unsure whether they left wills or whether they died intestate (PIL change the subject rather obviously when asked).

Is it unreasonable to be slightly saddened that he has been left nothing by any of his grandparents or uncles?

In all cases, the estates/share of inheritance would have been worth over £250,000. PIL are wealthy, large house with mortgage long paid off, 2 holiday homes overseas, retired early on final salary pension schemes and waste a lot of money on cars, motorhomes and holiday homes which they are constantly changing.

YABU - it's up to those named in the will to receive, and then decide whether they share (if anything) with others

Did your DH have a close relationship with any of the people who died? Surely it's up to the person writing the will as to who they want to inherit their money and it's very grabby to even bring the subject up with your PIL.

If you're that curious you can obtain copies of the wills. I know someone who did this for 'closure'.

Presumably PIL will leave assets to your DH in their own wills?

Wasting?

Not your call to make

You're not unreasonable to be saddened that your husband wasn't left money directly from his grandparents and uncles.
You are unreasonable to counting up and calculating how much of an estate your PiLs have inherited. Also YBU to make disparaging remarks about how your husband's parents spend their money

YABU. It would never even occur to me that aunts and uncles would leave me money. In fact it wouldn’t even occur to me that my sister should leave me money, I certainly haven’t left any to her or her children in my will, why would I?

WRT grandparents, I think this is a personal thing. Some do, some don’t, but again, I don’t think there should be any expectation.

waste a lot of money on cars, motorhomes and holiday homes which they are constantly changing

In your opinion. It's not really your business what they spend their money on

There are so many of these threads lately.

I'm sure your DH will do well out of his own parent's deaths

I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable but it surprises me when people expect to receive inheritance from anyone other than their parents. It might just be me but I thought it passed down generation to generation so when your parents in law pass away it will go to your husband & any of his siblings. This is how it's been in my family although tbf it's not like we have a lot of wealth to share!

You can check on line with the Probate Office to see if there were relevant wills, and download copies of them if you think your DH could be mentioned in the wills.
Presumably your DH will eventually inherit from his parents, unless they have frittered it all away by then!!

YABU.

I’m guessing due to your expectation that he had a very close relationship with them but perhaps they felt their money would go to their child/sibling who would then in turn leave the money to your DH (or possibly somebody else altogether).

www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

That will tell you what was in the will.

And I agree with PPs

Spending their own money on what during their retirement, is not wasting money.

*What they want

And why shouldn’t they spend their money on cars and holiday homes if that’s what they want? Or could it be that you’re afraid there’ll be nothing left for your DH to inherit per chance?

Did your DH have a close relationship with any of the people who died? Surely it's up to the person writing the will as to who they want to inherit their money and it's very grabby to even bring the subject up with your PIL.

Yes, close to all of them, particularly one of his uncles and his grandfather on his father's side. He's surprised they didn't leave him a small bequest because he was so close to them.

Can't obtain copies of the wills because they have been "lost". Its all very muddled as to whether there were wills, or whether there were multiple competing wills, and the solicitor dealing with it has died, during an investigation by the Law Society. PIL like to raise the topic themselves but will give a varying interpretation as to whether there was a will or there wasn't, and what is said, blame another sister for being grasping or similar but refuse to answer direct questions.

You'd be massively unreasonable to think this, OP. Let's hope it's just a goady thread instead.

If I was in the position of your now very wealthy parents in law I would want to help my children, I would want them to benefit from my windfalls.

It's pretty normal to leave money to your children or siblings (if you have no children). Sometimes people choose to leave money to nieces and nephews but they may choose not to, especially if they have many and/or they aren't close.
Frankly it's not really up to your DH and it's definitely not up to YOU who gets what from inheritance, or how they spend that inheritance.

And wanting to go online to check the contents of someone else’s will is grabby in the extreme.

I’m guessing the ILs weren’t executors to all of these estates, so it’s unlikely that there is money that should have been left to the OP’s dh but wasn’t given to him.

I’m guessing due to your expectation that he had a very close relationship with them but perhaps they felt their money would go to their child/sibling who would then in turn leave the money to your DH (or possibly somebody else altogether).

PIL are also vocal in stating that they will not leave DH anything in their will. He has a brother and a sister and the brother has already received £90,000 towards a house purchase.

PIL constantly claim poverty, yet do things like buying a new top of the range motorhome then changing it 6 months later because its too long or similar. 6 motorhomes in 8 years. Same with holiday homes. Only 4 of them so far though.

YABU - it's quite common for the next generation to inherit, rather than the generation after that. My dm's will splits everything between me and my brother, not our children (unless we predecease her )
I assume your dh will inherit from his parents. As for your in laws wasting their money - it's up to them what they do with it and absolutely nothing to do with you.

It's pretty normal for parents to leave money to their children rather than grandchildren. A few leave direct to the grandchildren, but I think that's a minority.

As for uncles and aunts (presumably childless), it's entirely up to them what they do. If there was no will, laws of intestacy would apply.

Until recently, my husband and I left ours to each other, but to be divided between our sisters on second death. More recently, we've changed it to bypass the sisters and left it direct to our nieces and nephews, who are all adults, on the basis that our sisters are all nicely set up, thank you. It's entirely our choice, and while some of them may have an opinion on it - that's all it is.

So, on balance, I do think YABU.

this is why dh and i are going to spend our money -any potential inheritance - whilst we're alive, grabby relatives can jog right on.

Why are they not leaving anything to your dh in their will?