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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL and Multiple Inheritances

192 replies

ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 12:43

Name changed in case outing in real life.

PIL have just received their fourth large inheritance (he was sole beneficiary to his mother and brother in recent years, MIL got 1/3 of her father's estate and now 1/3 of her brother's property worth over £1 million).

Obviously this is DH's grandparents and uncles who have passed away. He is unsure whether they left wills or whether they died intestate (PIL change the subject rather obviously when asked).

Is it unreasonable to be slightly saddened that he has been left nothing by any of his grandparents or uncles?

In all cases, the estates/share of inheritance would have been worth over £250,000. PIL are wealthy, large house with mortgage long paid off, 2 holiday homes overseas, retired early on final salary pension schemes and waste a lot of money on cars, motorhomes and holiday homes which they are constantly changing.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 16:55

swingofthings Not it isn't about this. Read the OP again. It only became about potential fraud when posters raised the grabby attitude. The question in the first post was not 'do you think we should investigate a potential fraud'. It was ' isn't it sad that we were left nothing when PIL are too rich for they own good'.

Again, tell me what it is exactly that I am supposed to be "grabbing"? I'm suspicious, with good reason, that the terms of several wills haven't been adhered to. Even if that is the case, its going to be almost impossible for DH to get whatever small bequest might have been left to him.

Its been an idea in my head for a while that I've not fully formulated, and discussing the issues highlighted above have helped. I think I am right to be suspicious.

Do you really think that in any case of suspected fraud, people are "grabby" for challenging it? Or is it just where wills are involved, because they are easy to circumvent?

So yes. grabby and it is really sad that such threads are becoming more and more common. The attitude of entitlement and denial that some many people do deserve to enjoy the money they've earned seems to be growing each decade.

PIL were a part-time teacher and an irregularly employed computer repair man respectively who both retired in their early fifties. Whatever money they might have now, they've earned very little of it themselves. How do I know? Because the sums don't even come close to adding up.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 07/10/2019 16:57

So go for it OP, get the wills ordered quick smart & see what they say. 🙂

swingofthings · 07/10/2019 16:59

Sorry but I think you are backpedalling.

If your issue was about fraud, you wouldn't have mentioned anything about their lifestyle because it would be totally irrelevant. It's so obvious that you resent them for their life, having it all good when clearly you have to work hard to earn what you have.

Well that's life. Your turn will come if you are so desperate for money from others rather than earning your own fortune.

Ibizafun · 07/10/2019 17:03

“He's not been disinherited per se, but they very frequently mention that he is "not to expect anything from us when we die, we're spending it all"
^^
Could this be because they know their daughter inlaw?

stucknoue · 07/10/2019 17:04

Wills are a matter of public record, they can be looked up.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/10/2019 17:06

No idea why they would keep using a solicitor who had been under investigation by the Law Society for years

Neither do I, but here's a thought ... do you actually know the solicitor was under investigation, or was it a convenient story designed to stop folk poking into things? As in "it's no use asking them; they're as bent as a three pound note anyway"?

Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 17:06

*Sorry but I think you are backpedalling.

*Swingofthings Sorry but I think you are backpedalling.

If your issue was about fraud, you wouldn't have mentioned anything about their lifestyle because it would be totally irrelevant. It's so obvious that you resent them for their life, having it all good when clearly you have to work hard to earn what you have.

Well that's life. Your turn will come if you are so desperate for money from others rather than earning your own fortune

Of course their lifestyle is relevant to any possible corruption of inheritance! Unjustified funds is one of the most common reasons for investigating potential fraud of any kind surely!

I have a job. Quite a good one. When I'm not on annual leave, as I am this week, I don't spend hours forumulating plots on how to post on mumsnet in the most convincing fashion, nor how to moneygrab from my PIL.

Hard to believe, I know. Sometimes the simplest explanation is more likely than some convoluted, Machiavellian plot. Which is probably why I've not questioned this much before now.

Thank you to all who have posted. Some really good ideas out there and its good to hear some thoughts on this.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 07/10/2019 17:06

And wanting to go online to check the contents of someone else’s will is grabby in the extreme.

What a ridiculous thing to say! If you suspect inheritance fraud of course you should investigate!

Going against someone’s last will and testament is a despicable thing to do.

Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 17:07

Neither do I, but here's a thought ... do you actually know the solicitor was under investigation, or was it a convenient story designed to stop folk poking into things? As in "it's no use asking them; they're as bent as a three pound note anyway"?

He's so infamous that I suspect there are people in Scotland reading this fraud who could name the solicitor I am talking about.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 17:08

Freudian slip there! thread not fraud Grin

OP posts:
DrVonPatak · 07/10/2019 17:11

Grabby much?
In any case, it's none of your business.

swingofthings · 07/10/2019 17:15

Of course their lifestyle is relevant to any possible corruption of inheritance! Unjustified funds is one of the most common reasons for investigating potential fraud of any kind surely!
And yet you wrote the first at least 7 posts (gave up after that) without mentioning fraud or corruption, it was all about how your couldn't understand that your OH wasn't left anything because they were close.

You can try to convince yourself of your intentions, but you've made it very clear that you resent your PIL and the fact that the money has gone to them and none to your OH and yourself.

Sadly, it is likely that the grand parents knew that you were waiting for money from them and didn't like it much, hence left nothing. Good luck with proving that the PIL have been fraudulent just so that your OH would get nothing.

MrsFezziwig · 07/10/2019 17:21

Forget who you think should be entitled to what, and also what your opinion is on what PILs should spend their money on.
However - as multiple posters have suggested, DH is entitled to see copies of the will to check that he has not been defrauded, and if it turns out that there was no will, the laws of intestacy govern the division of the estate and although children and siblings would get a larger proportion, your DH as a grandchild might well be entitled to a small percentage. All this is on public record and as it seems DH has nothing to lose with regards to his relationship with his parents he needs to look into it.

Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 17:23

Of course their lifestyle is relevant to any possible corruption of inheritance! Unjustified funds is one of the most common reasons for investigating potential fraud of any kind surely!

And yet you wrote the first at least 7 posts (gave up after that) without mentioning fraud or corruption, it was all about how your couldn't understand that your OH wasn't left anything because they were close.

No idea what this is even about.

If they've done nothing wrong, they won't have anything to worry about. I'm going to do some digging, and hopefully will persuade DH to see a solicitor, who might be able to dig more thoroughly than me.

Sadly, it is likely that the grand parents knew that you were waiting for money from them and didn't like it much, hence left nothing.

That really is quite the imagination you have there.

I actually used to get on better with PIL than I do now, albeit they have always been rude and selfish. I suspect FIL in particular doesn't like me because I'm not the sort of dullard he maybe hoped for.

OP posts:
MrsFezziwig · 07/10/2019 17:27

And taking some concrete action to investigate the wills (or lack of them) rather than getting into individual disagreements with posters on Mumsnet would be a much more positive use of your time and energy.

swingofthings · 07/10/2019 17:28

I won't be much amoured with my kids' partner if indeed they start questioning what money they have left in their wills for them.

I don't know what my parents intend to do when they pass away as I consider it none of my business, nor that of my kids, let alone their partner.

So yes, I can sympathise with your FIL.

BubblesBuddy · 07/10/2019 17:31

The Government will have taken a slice of all these sums left to Pil. Inheritance tax is pretty high on residue over the tax free allowance. They may not have got as much as you think.

We have just revised our wills. We have no grandchildren - yet. Everything is left to DDs. We might change Wills to include grandchildren if any appear! However loads of people don’t get round to it and their Wills might have been very old.

You cannot expect anything so put it out of your mind. If your PIL are not great, you don’t have to have that much to do with them. Just be polite and leave them to their money!

BubblesBuddy · 07/10/2019 17:34

We have fully informed our DDs how we are leaving our money! It’s fair, open and no confusion or suspicion! The same applies to
My mum who is 95. We all know and no arguments will ensue. She hadn’t left anything to grandchildren. One DSis of mine doesn’t have any. So all DC get exactly the same and we do with it as we please.

derxa · 07/10/2019 19:12

I'm going to do some digging, and hopefully will persuade DH to see a solicitor, who might be able to dig more thoroughly than me. To what end? It'll end in tears

73Sunglasslover · 07/10/2019 19:55

*"Isn't the we're not leaving anything we're going to spend it all a standard joke in most families"

Is it?!*

It is in ours. I ask my dad how much of my inheritance he spent when he makes a big purchase. It's clearly a joke or I wouldn't say it. He can spend all his money if he wants, it's not mine to have. Like everyone I need to make my own way in life. If I get anything ever, all good, but there is no expectation.

73Sunglasslover · 07/10/2019 19:59

So it sounds like you're saying there may have been fraud. I can't follow why you think it's likely he was left something though. The strength of the relationship is often neither here nor there. It's not unusual to leave money to children and siblings. It's less usual to leave it to nephews and grandchildren though obviously clearly happens. An allegation of fraud may have severe implications in the family. I'd think carefully about doing anything which could be interpreted that way. No-one actually said 'we're going to leave you money' and then didn't, did they?

Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 20:30

Just had a discussion with DH about it and a read over Scots law of succession with him. He can't understand why his mother insisted she inherited nothing from his GF as under Scots law of succession she would have been entitled to 1/3 as one of 3 children. So that doesn't make sense. He also recalls being given cash gifts frequently into his bank account (set up for the purpose) by his GM to reduce inheritance tax before she died. So to be left nothing in the will seems a bit odd but of course entirely possible. He knows nothing about the inheritances to his father but thinks they were very substantial.

He also thinks his parents have changed since his BIL came on the scene and have become more secretive, and he does think that his parents do mean that they won't leave him anything and that they aren't joking. He's suspicious of BIL's very close involvement in their lives and suspects that gifts are being made to BIL's children to avoid inheritance tax, but he isn't included.

He wants to speak to his parents about their wishes for funerals, etc but is hesitant. He is also concerned about the foreign properties because he thinks there might be a tax liability involved and that foreign solicitors may have to be instructed that he may be liable to pay in advance and he wants it sorted out, but any attempts to have a sensible discussion with his parents about any of this have been rebuffed.

OP posts:
Rachelover60 · 07/10/2019 20:55

www.ros.gov.uk/services/search-for-a-will

Imnotthrowingawaymyshot · 07/10/2019 21:01

Right but yes but no.

I totally agree. Out of interest where do people register their wills too?

stanski · 07/10/2019 21:05

Regardless of who actually has and hasn't benefitted I tend to hate not knowing (especially if you have doubts as to whether you are being lied to). I would totally back the OP and do some digging if anything just to know the truth

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