PIL and Multiple Inheritances

[ConceputilsingApparantly]

Name changed in case outing in real life.

PIL have just received their fourth large inheritance (he was sole beneficiary to his mother and brother in recent years, MIL got 1/3 of her father's estate and now 1/3 of her brother's property worth over £1 million).

Obviously this is DH's grandparents and uncles who have passed away. He is unsure whether they left wills or whether they died intestate (PIL change the subject rather obviously when asked).

Is it unreasonable to be slightly saddened that he has been left nothing by any of his grandparents or uncles?

In all cases, the estates/share of inheritance would have been worth over £250,000. PIL are wealthy, large house with mortgage long paid off, 2 holiday homes overseas, retired early on final salary pension schemes and waste a lot of money on cars, motorhomes and holiday homes which they are constantly changing.

YABU for expecting an inheritance.

Saying that, either there are Wills or there aren't (lost Wills can fall into 'aren't' as you can't get probate on a Will you can't find and don't know what it says).

If there was a large estate, it would have had to go to the Probate Registry. In England, it would either be Probate for a Will or Letters of Administration for an intestacy. You can order a duplicate grant from gov.uk and that will have the Will if there is one or say there isn't. I don't work in Scotland, but it should be the same.

If it is intestacy, then a grandson/nephew would not inherit whilst the surviving parent is there. I would not be surprised, if there is a Will, for it to go to PIL in the Will then to your DH if PIL had predeceased as that is common.

What actually bothers me is that I think they've pulled a fast one on their own son. I suspect they have ignored either the grandfather's or uncle's wishes,

If the grandfather’s or uncles wishes were only stated verbally, and not put into a will, then there’s nothing you can do (other than be angry).

If there was a will which has not been properly implemented.... the different legal system means you need specific legal advice.

Or rather, your DH does. Because it’s his issue, really, isn’t it? You might be completely wrong or completely right about this - but it would be him who would have to do the challenging.

How does he rate his relationship with his parents? What about his siblings? If the PIL are in Scotland and you (presumably) are not, why is your DH the one being called on to do stuff for them?

I think everyone deals with money and inheritances differently and ultimately its fine as long as they don't mislead people ie suggest they are leaving someone money and then not doing that, honesty is best in this situation.

My own parents have not very much but plan to split it between myself and my sibling rather than leave anything to the gc. Neither myself or sibling need it so we hope our parents live forever!

My in-laws on the other hand plan to leave the majority to their gc and constantly say 'oh they won't have to worry about money when we are gone' yet will ask gc who are taller than them to eat kids meals or share a main course to save money when they go out. I personally wish they would worry less about the amount they can leave behind and spend it now on having fun with the gc while they are still mobile and healthy enough to do that. But it falls on deaf ears. I think they like the idea of leaving a legacy or something.

In Scotland probate is confirmation. And, as you must well know, OP, inheritance law actually favours your DH.

He's not been disinherited per se, but they very frequently mention that he is "not to expect anything from us when we die, we're spending it all" and similar type comments

Good for his parents - go out in style and enjoy their money!

I hope to do the same in retirement

If I’d been left a large amount by parents, and I had children struggling I’d most certainly want to treat them. I hate meanness.

Its really horrible to be waiting on dead mens shoes.
They didn't leave him anything because they didnt want to, its that simple.If anyone had wanted your husband to benefit then they would have named him in the will.
You need to move on and forget it OP otherwise its going to ruin your life. Your husband is owed absolutely nothing.
Also I'd be assaying to Pil that I wanted to hear no more about their finances. You never know most of it may end up going for their care eventually anyway.

@littlepaddypaws please make sure you get good financial advice if you are thinking of equity release. I know someone who did this - the dad died a couple of years later and now the mum is going into a home. The son has looked into everything, come across the equity release paperwork and has discovered that the interest is currently at 150,000. They obviously lived longer than expected! Either way the son now thinks the interest is more than the house is worth so it's causing a big headache all round.

None of us are owed anything OP, and this all sounds a bit grabby to be honest. If anything is left then marvellous, it's a bonus, but I'd rather see elderly people enjoying their money. Most of us go without a lot when our kids are small, so this shouldn't be happening in old age.

My mum released a third of the value of her house in an equity release scheme - this enabled her to go shopping every day and have lunch out (she was a widow), for the last few years of her life - that's certainly preferable to me than scrimping on a pension.

My in laws are fairly wealthy, they have been left money from parents and other relations - DH didn't expect a penny. However, his parents did pay off our mortgage at the time. I'd like to see them living a bit more before it's too late eg holidays/meals out etc.

PIL are also vocal in stating that they will not leave DH anything in their will.

Is that because they don't like you?

They’re most certainly entitled to “enjoy their money”, but personally I couldn’t get much enjoyment out of spending lavishly whilst my kids struggle. My enjoyment would be to see them happy and make their lives that bit easier. Still, I accept we’re not all like that.

Thank you for all the advice.

How does he rate his relationship with his parents? What about his siblings? If the PIL are in Scotland and you (presumably) are not, why is your DH the one being called on to do stuff for them?

Distant but serviceable I suppose! His siblings hang around PIL a lot. We live quite far away, but PIL are demanding when they want to be. He is currently up there for a week as another uncle has died and PIL more or less demanded that he take time off work to be there, no doubt so that he can clear out yet another house single-handedly. Its rather an odd dynamic. PIL can be somewhat curt in the way that they speak to people. I have nothing to do with them now as I think if they spoke to me rudely once more I would really tear a strip off them!

"Your in-laws sound narcissistic and manipulative I think there has been some dodgy dealing going on with those inheritances and I would want to find out what happened just for my own amusement and to wind them up because they sound like bastards"

Eh? Just people inherited from their parents and uncle and spending it to enjoy a fairly awesome lifestyle (you can't take it with you).

If I were PIL and you starting g to allege fraud and generally wind me up, I probably would 'disinherit' you or leave my estate to charity

morningcoffee22 They’re most certainly entitled to “enjoy their money”, but personally I couldn’t get much enjoyment out of spending lavishly whilst my kids struggle. My enjoyment would be to see them happy and make their lives that bit easier. Still, I accept we’re not all like that.

None of us are struggling, but we're certainly not in the financial league of having multiple holiday homes!

A lot of people leave their money to their adult kids. It is up to the parents then what they do with the money.

Me? I'd be asking the in laws to sign an affidavit to the effect that there are no financial or other ties or arrangements between us. If they do spend it all no way would I want social services knocking on my door to discuss care arrangements. And that's what I'd be saying when they mentioned their wills again

Well, SS would have no expectation you pay for their care or look after them and I would think you batshit if you started talking about affidavits. Apologies if actually you are being ironic and I am making the mistake of taking your post seriously

Why worry. You can't miss what you never had, and you shouldn't expect anything when a relative dies.
If his parents have openly voiced they have made wills and left your DH out, it is up to him to tell his parents he is hurt by this and ask why.
Some people are just weird, my in laws are very much the same, plead poverty, can't afford this that and the other, but have a large house and many holidays and always upgrading car etc.....I think they spend a lot of their money on BIL and SIL as both not working with kids, mental health issues etc, so I'm sure they deem us (both working, mortgage, kids etc) as not in need of financial help, which we would never ask or expect anyway.
Just be happy with what you have, you cannot change or influence other people's choices and wishes, and if there was a will leaving anything to your DH and it has been conveniently lost, then shame on that person who 'lost' it. What goes around comes around, let it go and be happy.

You can't disinherit a child or adult child in Scotland

www2.gov.scot/Publications/2005/12/05115128/51285

I am 30 so this is a genuine question - was it always an "expected" thing that you would be entitled to an inheritance? I really don't understand this attitude at all to be honest - it's rampant amongst people my age and I don't get it at all.

I am not expecting anything from my parents, I hope they make full use of their money while they are still able to enjoy it.

Will fraud is rife, and more to the point, bloody easy. It doesn't surprise me you're suspicious.

This is how it works. The executor of the will holds all the cards. The executor is one person named in the will and is the only one who can dish out of the deceased person's assets. Executor is usually one of the DC, wife, nearest relation etc - ie also usually one of the main beneficiaries.

Although by law everyone who is mentioned in the will should get a copy, this rarely happens.

That means the executor can decide for themselves what the will 'says'. And keep all the money.

This fraud is a serious crime. But it's especially easy as a lot of adult DC know better than anyone else in the family how much the old person was worth, given how many old people now need help with their finances. If the sums are kept quiet, and all anyone says is they were penniless, it's practically impossible to prove something's up.

Except.... a year later when the will is put on public record. When you can look at it. But that still doesn't tell you how much the old person left to be distributed. Or help you really - how many people would call the police on their nearest and dearest? They may have spent the money by now anyway.

The best way round it is to appoint a lawyer (who is not also the family lawyer) as the executor, which is expensive.

I think the fact that OP suspects an actual fraud has occurred is not 'being grabby'.

Why do so many people feel entitled to other people’s money? It’s quite shocking. I never expect to inherit from anyone it just doesn’t occur to me at all.

I was going to say the same, it never enters my head any of this stuff - it's other peoples money. It's only occurred to me very recently (and I'm 30) that the majority of people my age who own multiple cars and have mortgages, go on holidays abroad etc etc can do it because of huge payouts from their family, or inheritences. I spent a lot of time wondering how people do all that on low/part time/one wage/s. I don't have any financial help at all.

@PontinPlace - I don't get it either!

It's none of your business

From an Inheritance tax point of view it can be well worth benefitting the next generation early on