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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL and Multiple Inheritances

192 replies

ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 12:43

Name changed in case outing in real life.

PIL have just received their fourth large inheritance (he was sole beneficiary to his mother and brother in recent years, MIL got 1/3 of her father's estate and now 1/3 of her brother's property worth over £1 million).

Obviously this is DH's grandparents and uncles who have passed away. He is unsure whether they left wills or whether they died intestate (PIL change the subject rather obviously when asked).

Is it unreasonable to be slightly saddened that he has been left nothing by any of his grandparents or uncles?

In all cases, the estates/share of inheritance would have been worth over £250,000. PIL are wealthy, large house with mortgage long paid off, 2 holiday homes overseas, retired early on final salary pension schemes and waste a lot of money on cars, motorhomes and holiday homes which they are constantly changing.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 07/10/2019 13:00

So many grabby DILs on MN!

rattusrattus20 · 07/10/2019 13:02

feeling "slightly saddened" - NBU at all.

feeling seriously aggrieved/kicking off about it - would be VVVVU.

MorrisZapp · 07/10/2019 13:02

Have they said why they're disinheriting your DH?

Drum2018 · 07/10/2019 13:02

If they died intestate then there are rules to be applied and a grandchild/nephew is further down the pecking order to receive inheritance. If they made a will then it would be assumed his parents would directly inherit from their parents and as for the uncle, again it would be common to leave to a sibling if unmarried and childless. Don't worry though - I'm sure when his parents die they will have left him a sizeable chunk of their wealth. Or maybe they will make provision for nieces and nephews too, as you seem to think dhs uncle should have Hmm

WhatHaveIFound · 07/10/2019 13:04

Yes, close to all of them, particularly one of his uncles and his grandfather on his father's side. He's surprised they didn't leave him a small bequest because he was so close to them.

It does sound a bit odd from your latest update but not really surpising since i guess most people don't update their will that often. I guess their wills could even have been written before your DH was born?

I know my parents will is 50/50 between myself and my sibling and and haven't been updated since their 4 grandchildren were born (ages 15-21).

Fifthtimelucky · 07/10/2019 13:05

I think it is much more common to leave money to your children or, if none, to your siblings, rather than to the generation below.

I don't think it necessarily makes good sense from a tax point if view though, and my husband recently agreed to vary his aunt's will (which left half to him and half to his mother) so that his share was divided 4 ways (1/4 to each of his children and 1/4 to him). His mother couldn't agree to forgo her share, because she is in a care home and would have been depriving herself of assets.

Obviously your parents in law can do what they like with their inheritances. Personally, I would consider them selfish for not moving at least some of it down the generations, given that they seem to have plenty, but it's entirely their choice.

Moondancer73 · 07/10/2019 13:07

Yes, you can obtain copies of the wills. The families might have lost the wills but any will which is legal will have been lodged with the probate office and that is where you can obtain a copy from - which is what several pp's have already told you.
It sounds like your dh was anticipating a nice little pay out and didn't receive it. No doubt it will come his way when his parents pass.

Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 13:07

MorrisZapp Have they said why they're disinheriting your DH?

He's not been disinherited per se, but they very frequently mention that he is "not to expect anything from us when we die, we're spending it all" and similar type comments. Very out of place comments that make you feel awkward that they suddenly start discussing it. It did strike me that they could be joking, in a sort of black humour way, but I don't think they are. They don't make jokes. They talk about money a lot.

DH is a very reliable sort, not a black sheep in any way!

I couldn't say whether any of the relatives died intestate, but I would have thought not, as they are a very money and inheritance focussed family.

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 07/10/2019 13:07

PIL are also vocal in stating that they will not leave DH anything in their will. He has a brother and a sister and the brother has already received £90,000 towards a house purchase.

Ah, well that puts a different complexion on things. PIL have written your DH out of their own wills for some reason. Unless he is financially dependent on them, he can be as upset as he likes about that, but he will have no grounds to challenge their wills when the time comes.

However, I can now understand why you feel the need to check whether anything was left to him directly. There is a possibility that it was, that the PIL's were executors, and have wrongly withheld his inheritance from him.

How likely is that? No idea. If it were me, I think I would need to be fairly confident that something had been left to me before trying to challenge it. Does he have any reason to think any of the GP's or uncles may have left him something? Did they ever say they had?

RhinoskinhaveI · 07/10/2019 13:08

Your in-laws sound narcissistic and manipulative I think there has been some dodgy dealing going on with those inheritances and I would want to find out what happened just for my own amusement and to wind them up because they sound like bastards

Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 13:08

NoSauce So many grabby DILs on MN!

Actually, no. DH has benefitted from what my parents left me, as it enabled us to buy our home. PIL constantly like to mention this, as if it was expected of me to financially and substantially contribute to marrying into their family! Like a dowry!

OP posts:
averythinline · 07/10/2019 13:08

I woudl check on the site listed below - it maybe that there has been fraud and he was left something..... then what?

either way I would just not talk to PIL about - its their money but they do not need to rub DH face in it that he will not be getting something if other siblings are... etc just say dont want to talk about money

GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 13:10

"6 motorhomes in 8 years. Same with holiday homes".

Excuse me while I slip on my gas mask as I'm coughing from all the bitterness that's reeking from your last post

GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 13:12

@ConceputilsingApparantly

Why are you so worried about what people should or should not leave you?! Why not make your own way in life?

"DH has benefitted"....of course he has, he's your husband.

RhinoskinhaveI · 07/10/2019 13:12

These people are trying to play fast and loose, do some digging behind the scenes and present them with a fait accompli.... just to see the look on their faces 🤣

colourlessgreenidea · 07/10/2019 13:13

Obviously this is DH's grandparents and uncles who have passed away. He is unsure whether they left wills or whether they died intestate (PIL change the subject rather obviously when asked).

I don’t blame them for changing the subject. It’s pretty crass to ask. I’ve ever asked my parents or PIL a single question about their finances or inheritances.

PIL are wealthy, large house with mortgage long paid off, 2 holiday homes overseas, retired early on final salary pension schemes and waste a lot of money on cars, motorhomes and holiday homes which they are constantly changing.

Fuck all to do with you. They can spend (or indeed ‘waste’) their own money however they like Hmm

Is it unreasonable to be slightly saddened that he has been left nothing by any of his grandparents or uncles?

That’s a separate issue and nothing to do with your PIL or their personal spending habits.

EastCoastDamsel · 07/10/2019 13:14

I can never understand why anyone has any expectation of inheritance from anyone. Yes, I guess it would be nice to inherit something from my parents when they die, but I'm not counting on it. God knows if their estate will be worth anything by then anyway. In all likelihood they will need to use whatever they have accumulated to pay for their living costs and health/social care as they get older.

Your PIL are indeed very lucky to have received so many inheritances, and it is absolutely their right to spend the money whichever way they choose.They are under no obligation to share this with you or justify their spending to you.

I do hope that they have made provision for when if they need extra help and care later on in life, and if they haven't you and your DH are under no obligation to help them then either

Original poster
ConceputilsingApparantly · 07/10/2019 13:14

PuzzledObserver How likely is that? No idea. If it were me, I think I would need to be fairly confident that something had been left to me before trying to challenge it. Does he have any reason to think any of the GP's or uncles may have left him something? Did they ever say they had?

His grandfather and uncle both had farms and he spent a large proportion of his childhood there, lived with his uncle while he was at university and worked on the farm in his spare time (was paid for it) and generally had a very close, friendly relationship. Later visited his grandfather more than the rest of the family and did work on his house to bring it up to more modern standards. Unlike the rest of the family, his grandfather and uncle didn't talk about money at all. He misses them. PIL fell out with his uncle and didn't speak for the last 10 years of his life.

Its my suspicion that DH is being told he will be left nothing in his parents' will because they are going to leave it to their other grandchildren. BIL is very grabby and vocal about money and constantly round. Our children are adults (23 and 26 compared to 11, 14 and 16) so probably considered not in need.

OP posts:
HugoSpritz · 07/10/2019 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teddybear45 · 07/10/2019 13:17

Get legal advice.

Tinkobell · 07/10/2019 13:18

You sound like you married into money OP, and are now a bit peeved that none of it has winged in your direction yet. Patience patience. Although I'm sure you're hoping that your wealthy ILS enjoy a very very long retirement, live to a very ripe old age and then leave any remaining nest egg to a well deserved charity 😁

ThreeLittleDots · 07/10/2019 13:19

OP, if you suspect PILs may have been obfuscating the truth, you can have a search of the wills register online yourself - just see what comes up.

But no - you're not unreasonable to be slightly saddened that your partner seems to have been forgotten by his beloved relatives.

Witchinaditch · 07/10/2019 13:19

Why do so many people feel entitled to other people’s money? It’s quite shocking. I never expect to inherit from anyone it just doesn’t occur to me at all.

littlepaddypaws · 07/10/2019 13:20

we're spending it hugo as the house will be going into equity release in the next year or two, i for one am not going to live hand to mouth and be impoverished so i can give 11 dc /dsc a few grand each. thankfully dh agrees with that.

GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 13:20

@Witchinaditch

Exactly - just make your own money and get on with it