To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

@RuffleCrow I've read the entire thread and contributed throughout!

You were not talking about the pearl clutches you were saying this was a thread to get people to talk about kids walking in on them!

Totally different things!

You are the only one that thinks this is a "weirdo" trying to get others talking about sexual experiences.

I’ve only got one and she goes to bed at 7:30 and we still can’t be arsed

@RuffleCrow Fatty is a long time poster not a sex troll FFS

anyhoo... it's the 4th Saturday in my schedule so must get the kids to sleep before 7:30 or I'll miss my allotted time for a shag

@RuffleCrow you're trying really hard to see something that isn't there; and FYI you're also troll hunting so I've reported your posts.

Omg! OP I bet you wished you'd never asked!😂😂😂keep trying!!!!

I'm glad OP asked, some of the responses have been hilarious, even by MN standards.

DP and I were still in the early stages of our relationship when we independently booked a trip to Butlins, well he booked it and we gatecrashed!

We spent a lot of time 'cleaning the bathroom'

You should have had less kids, you would have more time 😂

This thread is totally batshit. Even by MN standards. I have no idea WTF I have just read.

If it wasn't for the fact I recognise some of the crazier comments as regular posters I'd have thought we'd had a troll invasion.

I bet you wish you'd never started it OP! For what it's worth I think this is just one of those things with kids but which you'll look back on and laugh in a few weeks.

It will get easier as they get older, but beware they'll also be wiser to what you're doing, so you'll need to be even sneakier

I once had a quickie bent over the babies cot with the baby in it

Don’t worry though the baby was asleep

And it wasn’t my baby

Or my cot

Or my house

Or my partner

Poor OP. You just wanted a few other mums to say, "i know. Tell me about it. I have no sex life either!" But posters on here have been pretty unfair to you, instantly judging you and the situation and partner.
I have a very limited sex life since having my DS for medical (and other) reasons... it sucks. I hope you find another time that suits. Good luck

I’m with the OP for the record, bloody kids ruin it for everyone

RuffleCrow I have no idea what you said but you'll be pleased to know I've been here ages and ages.

Have you thought about the fact that your eldest might be over tired and that is why he's a bad sleeper?

Have you RTFT?

I once had a quickie bent over the babies cot with the baby in it

Don’t worry though the baby was asleep

And it wasn’t my baby

Or my cot

Or my house

Or my partner

BettyBoo

It gets even harder (pun not intended...) when the kids are older. Mine are pretty much grown up, usually awake late and all 3 bedrooms are very close together. Nothing quite as off-putting as wondering if you're offspring are vomiting in their rooms because they can hear us 🤦😂

Love this post! But my goodness what is wrong with people! Nothing wrong with a quickie while the kids are occupied. Each to their own😜
Anyway I have a 17 and 7 year old.
We do bathroom
When kids are out after school
Early morning or late night
Getting home early while kids are still out.
We go crazy if we haven't had it for 3 or 4 days, so we always find a way. Couldn't go long without it and been that way for 15+ years. 😜

I only managed to read half of this thread, Christ there's some miserable arses on here starting to drive me mad!!

OP good on you! Nothing wrong with a bit of fun with your DP... the kids where on tablets... so what! Not like there setting up a cannabis farm ffs!
Honestly I take my hat off to you! I've got a 9 month old and I'd rather have a kit kat and a brew than a quickie!

Not like there setting up a cannabis farm ffs!

Now there's an idea... I bet that takes a while to do, so would keep them occupied for ages and make us some cash on the side

OP this is cracking me up. The responses are so typically MN I'm embarrassed for the PPs! I hear you OP, loud and clear! 😂

*Not like there setting up a cannabis farm ffs!

Now there's an idea... I bet that takes a while to do, so would keep them occupied for ages and make us some cash on the side*

Careful OP, you will be accused of single handedly causing global warming with UV lamps in your wanton pursuits

Nothing wrong with a bit of fun with your DP...the kids where on tablets...so what!

Should have washed them down with vodka.

This is where the OP went wrong. She just didn't think it through.

I'm not wasting good vodka on those little savages worra

But it's made from potatoes so it's healthy