To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

Scheduled sex is shit

Yep. Who schedules sex?
"Put it in your diary dear, I'm going to pound your pussy on Friday evening at 10pm"

My boyfriend popped over this morning as he left his work jacket here on Friday, my son was engrossed in some new lego so I indulged in a quick high protein shake in the bathroom.

I await our visit from SS!

@Benes very very jealous

Put all of your kids to bed together at 7.30 pm

Kids that age need at least 12 hours sleep

once they are asleep it's your turn to have fun

@Benes I am with you! Sunday is slouching in pjs and quickie day. We do lock our door but the kids never notice

Even more shit when the scheduled sex turns out to be the quickie

Kids that age need at least 12 hours sleep

If we didn’t schedule sex we wouldn’t bloody get any

Don’t be dissing the schedule!

Who even does this? Are you hoping we'll share similar stories op?

Oh ffs, I don't care not do I think it's an awful thing to do. I just think it's odd that you'd be surprised it's not always easy. How many parents spend their weekends actually doing what they want to do? Personally, if I didn't have kids, I'd be out spending all my spare money in the shops then out at expensive restaurants or on a lovely weekend break. I'd laze around and wouldn't bother to cook. Obviously the fact I have children means I have to do a ton of shit I don't want to do and can't actually do stuff I do want to do.

Once my DS bought a religious dvd from a church fete and whilst he and dd’s watched it we had a quickie the content of the dvd made me feel it was extra bad

Obviously the fact I have children means I have to do a ton of shit I don't want to do and can't actually do stuff I do want to do

Well no shit Sherlock, but wanting sex, not getting it and having a light-hearted moan about it does not mean I shouldn't have had my children.
It means that I tried to have a bit of fun but the kids spoiled the moment. No surprise because they're kids, just a whinge ffs.
Stop trying to backtrack now.

RuffleCrow if you had bothered to RTFT you'd see plenty of us do this.

Who even does this? Are you hoping we'll share similar stories op

That's a odd comment to put on such a large thread and if you had read more you would see that plenty of folk to it.

An odd

Scheduled sex, spontaneous sex, all sex is good.

Except when the kids spoil the moment! Especially with poo.

@RuffleCrow about 70% of this thread have! What a very very strange comment!

Oh ffs, I don't care not do I think it's an awful thing to do. I just think it's odd that you'd be surprised it's not always easy. How many parents spend their weekends actually doing what they want to do? Personally, if I didn't have kids, I'd be out spending all my spare money in the shops then out at expensive restaurants or on a lovely weekend break. I'd laze around and wouldn't bother to cook. Obviously the fact I have children means I have to do a ton of shit I don't want to do and can't actually do stuff I do want to do.

I'd suggest it's you @formerbabe that should not have had children!

This thread is bonkers, some posters have obviously had a sense of humour bypass

The worst was when we had a late teen, teen 3 and 1 year old

Always someone a bloody wake

Oh here we go: Cancel the Cheque time

RTFT

.

Have you thought about the fact that your eldest might be over tired and that is why he's a bad sleeper?

quickies are crap have the full on sex when kids are asleep

I don't think you're doing quickies right if you think they're crap.

@RuffleCrow you're the only one in nearly 700 posts that thinks that, says way more about you than anyone else?

And OPs kids didn't walk in, so it wasn't about that!

It was about loving husband and wife fancying a quickie? No agenda!

You know that thread the other day where posters were talking about 'the good old days on MN, where people had a sense of humour and you didn't have to put light hearted in the thread title?' THIS is a prime bloody example, ffs

You said just what I was thinking, @MrsPellegrinoPetrichor

OP, come and join us back in 2005. You'd be fine there. Though I do admit we didn't have autocarrot then.

At least they didn't ask if you "had an issue" with kids or something!