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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

935 replies

HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 22:41

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 07/10/2019 23:27

I'm still confused as to why nakedness is fine but privately having a bit of nookie with the other half is creepy Confused
Surely if a perfectly natural and normal part of a relationship is creepy and weird, wandering around naked is too?

OP posts:
theretheirtheyrenotno · 07/10/2019 23:29

We have locks on the bathroom (that no one ever really uses tbh) but otherwise I don't really need locks on the other doors because I'm not doing inappropriate stuff while my kids are awake!*

Inappropriate things "............. hilarious!

We are so right on that we don't lock the bathroom door, so anyone can come see us shit, but sex behind a closed door when you know the kids are downstairs is "inappropriate"!

Clutch those pearls!

theretheirtheyrenotno · 07/10/2019 23:30

We have locks on the bathroom (that no one ever really uses tbh) but otherwise I don't really need locks on the other doors because I'm not doing inappropriate stuff while my kids are awake!*

Inappropriate things "............. hilarious!

We are so right on that we don't lock the bathroom door, so anyone can come see us shit, but sex behind a closed door when you know the kids are downstairs is "inappropriate"! But putting a lock on a bedroom door so the children won't walk in on you doing "inappropriate things" is not a good idea.

Clutch those pearls!

Rainonmyguitar · 07/10/2019 23:32

Having sex during the day whilst your 3 kids are awake and in the same house is rank and creepy

Creepy? 🤣

Rachelover60 · 07/10/2019 23:38

No child wants to hear their parents having sex, they just don't want to think about it. Most parents learn to be discreet and choose their moments :-). That's part of being a parent.

theretheirtheyrenotno · 07/10/2019 23:43

And do you always just go on silent running so they can't hear you but you can hear them? Different strokes I guess...

@PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind you like noisy sex, that's no issue, but has it occurred to you that your child could wake mid shag and hear you in the deathly quiet night? You really wouldn't expect a child to cry the moment their eyes opened, they would lie in bed for a bit and then decide to go to see mum or dad. They would hear you on their approach? If you analysed all of this to much you would never had sex with a child in the house, is that the sort of relationship you want? Or should we "risk assess" as op did, think right they're on their tablets let's have a quickie, ok she was thwarted by a tummy bug, but that could've happened at night and they would've been disturbed?

I really cannot understand the difference and would also say your more aware of them being around during the day, the locked door gives you the extra minute you need.

AmmarettoSours · 07/10/2019 23:46

i was wondering what all the clattering was!
Now i know its the sound of hundreds of mumsneters clutching thier pearls so tight that pearls are flying about in bunches across the country Grin

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 07/10/2019 23:50

AmmarettoSours yep, and that shuffling noise is the rest of us pulling up our pants after a quickie WinkGrin

OP posts:
Batcrazy101 · 08/10/2019 00:05

Came on here for a giggle and found out I'm actually some kind of monster because I have sex... in my own house... in my own room (with a lock)...with my own husband... because my children are in the house. I feel so ashamed of myself 🙄

It's very obvious some of the people here need a right good quicky.

OP obviously this time child was unwell so not really their fault but next time to make sure your not interpreted just tell them you are going to have a quick phone call with Santa just to update him on the naughty/nice list and if Santa hears them he wont be happy... love this time of year.

Good luck 👍

Nerfballs · 08/10/2019 01:16

Another parent of primary-age kids here saying DH & I quite regularly have daytime action on weekends / holidays while kids are otherwise occupied. It evolved from sex during kids naptime when they were babies to enforced "rest-time" in rooms after lunch where kids potter quietly in their rooms for a half hour/hour while we "potter" quietly in ours, to a movie/fave TV show on after lunch in the lounge while we have a siesta in our room. Sometimes we nap & read, other times we have sex. The kids love rest time and get annoyed when we skip it, we love it for entirely different reasons, everyone wins 😁

We're very quiet, there's a lock on the door to prevent walk-ins (took 5 mins to install by the way, very easy), and we've found music/movie sounds cover any noise far better than night time silence. The kids are none the wiser and honestly, if they figure it out as teens/adults it should hopefully give them a baseline for the fact that sex is a normal and healthy part of human romantic relationships even when you're 'old'. As long as they don't see it or hear it I don't see why it's "grim".

Oh and to answer a PP yes I tend to orgasm fairly easily so it's good for both DH & I. I'm told menopause is shit so we're making the most of what we have now 😊

PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind · 08/10/2019 06:50

We have a property close to the sea, during the day you cannot hear the sea, noise from daytime activities dulls all the noise.

The 'daytime activities' being the adults jumping on each other with the kids in the next room apparently Grin

theretheirtheyrenotno · 08/10/2019 07:05

@PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind no just normal daytime noise, tv, games, washing machine, dishwasher etc.

You're far more likely to be heard in a quiet house at night..... think about it logically?

Witchofthenorth · 08/10/2019 08:50

Well I have a tiny house, granted it has an upstairs and my bedroom is downstairs but you can hear a mouse fart from the other side of the house in here, and yet, shock horror, me and DP have sex. Also, my bedroom is adjacent to the living room and we still have sex, whilst my older children are up. And even bigger shock horror, I don't have a lock on my bedroom door.

It is impossible for our sex life to continue if I were to wait until all the kids are asleep, I have a 15 and a 16 year old who go to bed after us and an 11 year old and an 7 year old who do go to bed but aren't necessarily asleep when we do it.

See cos what happens when you have children is you either get creative or you have quiet sex, but you still have sex.

It would be massively unhealthy for my relationship for us to abstain until the kids are up and away. And having sex when the kids are away would mean never having sex either. This thread is absolutely bonkers. I'm with #teamfattyhasaquickie

cricketmum84 · 08/10/2019 08:54

Just to make you all jealous we have no kids in the house from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. And we are going to shag CONSTANTLY.

Clutch your pearls at that one 😂😂😂

LightandShadows · 08/10/2019 09:16

Just to summarise this thread

Having sex when DC are awake and otherwise oblivious to what you are doing is wrong

Having sex when DC are asleep in bed is wrong incase they wake up and hear you or unexpectedly walk in.

So when do parents actually get to have sex or is it no longer acceptable, until DC are adults and have moved out of the family home?

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 08/10/2019 09:16

cricket show off Grin

OP posts:
LightandShadows · 08/10/2019 09:21

Just to completely throw a spanner in the works.

What if you have adult DC living at home, with their partner, are they never allowed to have sex incase the parents hear/walk in?

Do we have the same views on the reversed situation?

ConcreteUnderpants · 08/10/2019 09:25

weird, creepy, ewww, bleurgh, sickos??!!
FFS! I'd hate to think what you'd all say when something really fucked up occurred.

If only the perfectly prude parents on MN ruled the world, over population problems would cease.

LightandShadows · 08/10/2019 09:29

If only the perfectly prude parents on MN ruled the world, over population problems would cease

One child per family or a second child 27 years apart from the first.

(27 is the average age for a child moving out)

theretheirtheyrenotno · 08/10/2019 09:56

@LightandShadows someone did suggest getting the kids babysat for a few hours (out of the house!) that was also vetoed as ....... oh yeah dump your kids in someone else so you can shag!

I think that the only answer is take a bookend morning off whilst the kids are at school, most employers need notice so you'll know well in advance. Hey, who likes or needs spontaneity anyway?

I know I was saying kids more likely to hear at night, that was just to point out the ridiculousness of saying you can't have sex during the day in case they hear? They could hear anytime!

LightandShadows · 08/10/2019 10:16

theretheirtheyrenotno

I agree, I am much more aware of the noises my bed makes when the house is quiet during the night.

If everyone went by every statement made on this thread, sex would become a chore, rather than for pleasure and some would not be getting any for many, many years.

theretheirtheyrenotno · 08/10/2019 10:23

@LightandShadows sex is for pleasure ....... you wouldn't think so with some of these answers Grin

TheABC · 08/10/2019 10:27

OP, I hear you!

I am the early-to-bed one here, so we've found the best solution is an alarm clock, a shut door and chewing gum! Our kids are FINALLY sleeping in past 6am, so I am looking forward to more sex this winter

expatinspain · 08/10/2019 12:04

theABC What is the chewing gum for? 😂

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 08/10/2019 15:13

What is the chewing gum for?
I hope it's for morning breath!

OP posts: