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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

935 replies

HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 22:41

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

OP posts:
IWantMyHatBack · 05/10/2019 22:54

Ah, then you have a DP problem. 9pm is very early....

Chloe9 · 05/10/2019 22:56

Organise them a sleep over at friends (especially the oldest as others likely to go to bed earlier). Hand out some Imodium first? Bribe them with money, sweets or toys to leave you alone for an hour?

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 22:56

Nah, what you did is weird

'fraid not. Plenty of people have quickies in all sorts of situations. As evidenced on this thread as there are actually a few suggestions as to how to go about it.

What's weird is not acknowledging that people have different situations to yourself so may have to find ways to do things that aren't what you would do.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 05/10/2019 22:56

If your eldest is reading in bed and your other kids are asleep then just go to bed with your DH at 9pm and do it then? Surely it's better doing it with one still awake than all three.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 22:57

You’re not 25 anymore indeed I'm not. I'm 28.

OP posts:
Ollymollylolly · 05/10/2019 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chloe9 · 05/10/2019 22:58

Alternative venue could work to. Garage, summer house, camper van, shed if its not too cold and no spiders.

Pardonwhat · 05/10/2019 22:59

Jesus what a bunch of miseries on here tonight Confused

I’m also confused to the “you’re not 25 anymore” comment.. how on Earth do you know how old OP is!?

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 23:00

Ah, then you have a DP problem. 9pm is very early

It is, but as our eldest has night terrors and will sleepwalk on a regular basis, it's understandable that he is exhausted.

I just don't sleep well regardless. I'm lucky if I get 5 hours a night. But when DS1 has an episode, he wakes the entire household up, meaning we are resettling the younger 2.

There are plenty of extenuating circumstances which mean intimacy has to be put on the back burner. And as I've said previously, I'm entitled to moan about it and to try and grab a quickie when I can!
I'm not even 30 years old. Just because I've got kids doesn't mean I don't want a sex life.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/10/2019 23:00

Well you might not be fucked OP but your lighthearted thread certainly is Grin Grin

I think someone left the gate open at the miserable git farm.

Moondancer73 · 05/10/2019 23:00

Why are people such prudes? There's nothing wrong with a quickie if the kids are occupied, jeez

Ohyesiam · 05/10/2019 23:00

I know what you mean op. My bathroom has seen a lot more action than it used to pre kids.

DS complained once that he has to wash his own back in the shower, when I always took DH to come and wash mine for meGrin

Chloe9 · 05/10/2019 23:01

Ultimately you're best bet is for him to stay up later or you both to get up earlier in the morning to make time. And if his libido is not the same as yours, you can get very discreet and effective DIY toys these days.

ScreamingLadySutch · 05/10/2019 23:01

Daddy, what are you doing?

Just giving Mummy a cuddle

  • was heard quite a few times in our house [in happier times].

I should have marvelled at his gift of the gab it was a heads up!

Migrainefun · 05/10/2019 23:01

Poor kid is ill and you're worried about it being a mood killer.
If I'd walked in on my parents having a quickie I'd be scarred. Just wait till they're in bed. I have 3 under 4 and don't resort to this level of grim.

formerbabe · 05/10/2019 23:01

If you wanted to shag during the day, then you should have stayed childfree to be honest!

gamerchick · 05/10/2019 23:01

Your mistake was getting naked. A quickie is push knickers to one side while bent over the bed.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 23:02

worra Grin clearly. I thought people would be a bit less uptight with it being a Saturday night!
Maybe they're more desperate than me Wink

OP posts:
Rainonmyguitar · 05/10/2019 23:02

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

You could just accept it like most other people. You’re not 25 anymore. You’ve got responsibilities that come first

Oh my god 🤣😂🤣. What is going on with this thread?

underneaththeash · 05/10/2019 23:02

I wouldn't even bother when our three are awake - there's bound to be a child or cat emergency.

One day......

Rainonmyguitar · 05/10/2019 23:03

If you wanted to shag during the day, then you should have stayed childfree to be honest!

Haha, another corker.🤣

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2019 23:03

If you wanted to shag during the day, then you should have stayed childfree to be honest!

What utter nonsense Confused

Chloe9 · 05/10/2019 23:03

Sorry just saw update about sleep disturbances. Do you ever get time together during extra curricular activities or during the school day?

I mean, if their hadn't been a poo incident it would have happened today, so maybe just keep persevering and try and find the humour in it.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 05/10/2019 23:03

formerbabe" ah of course. How silly of me to have kids. I'll tell you what, I'll just fucking send them back shall I? Hmm

OP posts:
Leftielefterson · 05/10/2019 23:04

It’s not grim OP, you like sex, and?

Morning shower sex, after 9pm?

Quickie in the bathroom over the bath? Just a quickie anywhere the dc are not likely to barge in.