To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

Glad you sorted it OP. I wasn't around last night but ye gods, this is an eye-opening thread this am.

It's like an exodus of huns has somehow mated with daily fail commenters and created bastard child posters - which ironically suggests some sort of sinister mating ritual, doubtless locked away in a gloomy dungeon or something due to the sheer shame.

Can you imagine OP if you weren't working or were in fact a single parent with a boyfriend? The internet would explode.

With quickies v's long sessions I think of it a bit like food. Sometimes you want a six-course Michelin star type meal, other times you have no choice but a drive-through Mc'D's, shortlived but er...satisfying .

CurlyhairedAssassin
I do. DP is good at what he does.

If this thread is typical of the British attitude toward sex, I can see why the relationship forum gets such a workout!

Worra

Ooh just seen today's update! Good on ya!

Faints

Screens usually work for us. And a locked door, just in case. Of course scenarios you describe happen sometimes, but its surely isnt a daily occurrence.
Its all about timing! With my kids i figured out that we have to wait 5-10mins after turning on the ipad, just in case theres a problem with the video they are watching.
Make sure they pick a video/movie thats long enough.
Dont wait too long, because after 30mins or so my 3 yo gets bored of the ipad.
Gives us a 20min window without distractions usually ;)

CardiFree I love it
Nothing wrong with a McDs.

You know that thread the other day where posters were talking about 'the good old days on MN, where people had a sense of humour and you didn't have to put light hearted in the thread title?' THIS is a prime bloody example, ffs

Ps Op

DP wants to thank you.... as we chuckled about this thread and then had a quick ride of the hobby horse in your honour

Dd AND friend were downstairs on a sleep over....

Awaits knock off SS

Martha you hussy!

I'm envious.
My DH always starts his Sunday's grumpy and sulking. I absolutely hate it.
It's so far removed than your Sunday morning 😭😭

This thread is beyond ridiculous. There's so many cat bum faces and pearl clutching its brilliant. What twats 😁

Me thinks the pearl clutchers should try a different kind of pearl necklace once in a while

'Me thinks the pearl clutchers should try a different kind of pearl necklace once in a while '

FattyGotFucked
If I wasn't so attached to being royalty I would.

mog

I honestly don't understand why so many people have a problem with this?
You aren't shagging in front of your DC so what's the fuss about?
Maybe try just after dinner once they have eaten and all settled.
Why do people expect you to never have sex again just because you have 3 children
I only have one 4 month old DD so haven't hit a problem yet!
Good luck OP

Awaits knock off SS

Is 'knock off SS' like the real one but cheaper?

I've a serious question: how long is a quickie?

Like woods and forests, streams and rivers; when does a quickie stop being a quickie?

Is 'knock off SS' like the real one but cheaper?
There are some slight differences, but you can only tell if you look extra closely.

To all the posters earlier in the thread (who have miraculously disappeared) who decried the OP for wanting quickie sex with her husband...

Do your ever have concerns about your sex life with your husband, and whether that could have any influence on the longevity of the relationshjp?

That's not goady - I'm not trying to upset - I'm just marvelling at how many people have been telling off the OP for being "selfish" in wanting sex with her husband... yet surely she's just keeping alive and enjoying a healthy and loving relationship with a devoted co parent?

I genuinely struggle to see why that would be worthy of opprobrium considering that surely most of our DCs exist because of that loving act?

There's a feel I get on here that some posters believe once DCs come along, the drawbridge goes up and no more sex should be had unless the conditions are perfect ...

... do your DHs share the same view?

Royalyfuckedfatty?

This thread lead to me and DH having a wonderful half hour whilst the kids were down stairs watching TV. This was after they had got themselves up and the 10 year old decided to sort the three of them breakfast. Failing at parenting right there

'I s 'knock off SS' like the real one but cheaper? '

Quite, a little like a BOGOF I guess....

It takes me longer to have a bath or sort the washing out, than it does to have a quickie with DH, should I not be bathing or doing any washing until all DC are in bed and asleep?

A quickie is no real foreplay, no getting totally undressed, it's literally a wham, bam, thank you mam, 5 min job.