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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be outraged about dp mum and money

642 replies

Stfrancescof · 05/10/2019 07:58

Briefly - dp mum offered to pay for dp to go to Rome with me for his milestone birthday present.

Two weeks later it changed to no let's all ie parents , sibling and partner and us, go to Newcastle for the weekend instead, for his birthday.

That was 6 months ago.

In the intervening time dp has been on statutory sick leave and has no money. We are not financially linked , do not live together and have no plans to., Been together 18 months, this is the first time I've been away with his family.

We are now here on the group holiday and he expected to be treated for everything by his parents, as it was his birthday treat. I asked in advance to his family about spending money budgets and suggested we put into a whip what we feel we can contribute, ie to share the cost of his spending money. This was ignored .

Since then it has become absolutely clear by the way bills are divided ( ie by couples) that I am expected to pay for everything for him!!

I am outraged that his parents would expect me to pay for all his spending money , knowing that he has none and having offered this break away for a treat for him. When I asked how much the hotel room was I was told '350 for both of you'. I was like , ok here's my half. Frosty silence.

Aibu to be furious about this and the position it puts me in?? I gave him my own expensive treat last weekend and have not budgeted to pay for this.

OP posts:
Mephisto · 05/10/2019 08:02

YANBU. What tight gits. When did you arrive and any chance you and DP can go home?

3luckystars · 05/10/2019 08:02

So what did his parents pay for then?

athenagoddessofwar · 05/10/2019 08:02

No, YANBU, especially when you tried to sort it out prior to going. I'd just continue to contribute for my own portion of bills/splits. Hopefully they'll soon get the message. It's a horrible position for them to put your partner in, though.

Raphael34 · 05/10/2019 08:03

I’d be fucking livid op. So they’ve ‘kindly’ offered to take him on holiday for his birthday, but landed you with the bill??

purplelila2 · 05/10/2019 08:04

Why are you paying for the hotel room??

Queenoftheashes · 05/10/2019 08:06

Fucking outrageous. What exactly is their gift?

Soontobe60 · 05/10/2019 08:10

He's not your partner, he's your boyfriend. I'd be telling him and his parents that you are not able to pay his contribution to everything, so they'll have to sort it between themselves.
How old is he BTW?

ZenNudist · 05/10/2019 08:11

You should not be paying for flights and hotel. They bought him a holiday for the both of you.

That said, pay your share and never go away with them again.

Original poster
Stfrancescof · 05/10/2019 08:12

Thanks all. They are not offering to pay for anything as far as I can see. I paid for my share of the hotel bill to be decent and not entitled

OP posts:
Cloudyyy · 05/10/2019 08:13

What do you mean spending money? If they offered to pay for the trip, I would assume the hotel was covered but would never expect spending money?? Shock That’s so cheeky of you!!!

Fairylea · 05/10/2019 08:13

So what’s your dp doing when you’re saying here’s your half....?

BlueThursday · 05/10/2019 08:14

Get on a train and go home this sounds awful

Original poster
Stfrancescof · 05/10/2019 08:17

I'm so upset. I've had to tell him that he will need to borrow a lump sum off me and pay it back. I've also said to him - wtf?? He is now upset and in the hotel room and I'm hiding in the corner having breakfast. How the hell do I handle this??

OP posts:
Original poster
Stfrancescof · 05/10/2019 08:19

Why is it cheeky of me???? I've got my own spending money and paid my half for the hotel room!! If they've offered a birthday treat and they now he's been on statutory sick for months, and that we are not financially linked whatsoever how did they think he was going to pay for meal after meal after cocktail??

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 05/10/2019 08:19

I think op meant her boyfriend's spending money since he's on ssp. Not her own. How is he meant to afford drinks, meals etc?

Mephisto · 05/10/2019 08:19

Who is he upset with OP? What is the lump sum for? Can you say at breakfast that you thought this was a treat for DP from his parents and that they would be paying for everything?

Original poster
Stfrancescof · 05/10/2019 08:19

Me offering half was over messenger

OP posts:
MakeItRain · 05/10/2019 08:19

That's terrible. Keep paying just your contribution and never go away with them again, as ZenNudist said. Offer your contribution each time with a smile and if anyone queries it say "oh dp's parents are paying for him, this is their treat." Or even to their faces "here's my money, so lovely that you're treating DP. Happy birthday DP". I'd be wanting to annoy then with as many comments like this as possible.

Bucatini · 05/10/2019 08:20

Cloudyy but they didn't pay for the hotel room either!

Original poster
Stfrancescof · 05/10/2019 08:20

The money was immediately transferred by me for my half

OP posts:
Mephisto · 05/10/2019 08:20

Someone needs to call them out on this.

LilyPinkNoah · 05/10/2019 08:20

Why are you even with him? In this situation where there is no marriage/kids etc you owe him nothing. Not sure I could be bothered with the drama. Life is too short.

Bucatini · 05/10/2019 08:21

OP - I genuinely think you need to get in a train and go home. You can't stay for the weekend with your DP gradually racking up a debt to you. That will be awful for both of you.

Original poster
Stfrancescof · 05/10/2019 08:22

I've lent him a lump sum so he can put his hand in his wallet when his looked to for his turn to buy a round etc without flinching and without me having an escalating amount of money coming out of my account

OP posts:
Mephisto · 05/10/2019 08:22

@Cloudyyy

What do you mean spending money? If they offered to pay for the trip, I would assume the hotel was covered but would never expect spending money?? shock That’s so cheeky of you!!!

Not spending money for OP. Spending money for THEIR SON, to pay for meals and drinks. You know, the one they said they would treat.