To just not bother organising anything because no one turns up?

[Freefalling2]

I've not had any sort of party or event for me since I was about 7. I didn't have a hen do, I've never had a work leaving party and I've never even just done drinks for my birthday.. I'm 40 in 2 weeks and was meant to celebrate with 7 friends. The celebration was just hiring a (cheap) apartment for the night in town and going for food and cocktails and dancing. We've all got children so although we're staying local the apartment thing was also a break away from them and an opportunity to all get ready together and have some wine and some music . Just relaxed and fun. No big plans. . I was really, really excited that I had finally, at the age of 40 have friends to do this with.

Only I don't.

2 people pulled out last week. I was expecting that because that's what they do. Another person has decided they are not sure of they can leave their 2 year old afterall. They've done it before but I suggested just coming for the meal and not staying in the apartment. They said they didn't want to leave him. They can't even be bothered to think of a proper excuse. Soneone else apparently double booked - also known as getting a better offer - so they can't come now. Another person is making noises that we should just reorganize it completely because it won't be the same if we're not all there and they can't afford to do it twice. It's MY fucking birthday. But they'll be cancelling. The 6th person has always been a bit on the fence about doing it at all so she'll pull out now. That leaves 1 person so hasn't pulled out. Yet.

I'm upset and pissed off. Everyone seemed really up for it but they have all let me down. It's embarrassing for messages to keep coming up on the group chat starting with "I'm so so sorry but..." and makes me feel worthless. Especially as it's so close to the date and they can see everyone else dropping out.

No I don't have anyone else I can ask.

Everyone has paid their share of the apartment which I guess is one good thing. I'll cancel it tomorrow and I can get 50% of the money back. They've all assuumed it's non-refunable. Would it be really bad for me to keep that, not tell them and spend it completely on me? They are crappy friends and have let me down and made me cry. Should I use their money to make me feel better?

Cant you go with your family for the night?

No.

I don't have ANYONE I can ask.

Besides, it was meant to be friends.

You have children? You said above?

That sounds awful. Do you have any family members than can take your friends place? I would maybe put on the group chat what you have written here. Say that you’re upset that they’ve let you down. Explain that you haven’t celebrated with friends before for our birthday and was really excited.

If they still won’t come then take the money . I’m sure most will say not to do that but you deserve it!

Yes. I don't think spending the night drinking cocktails woth a 3 year old is quite the same?

When you get sent lemons and all that.

Go with your family and have a great time. How old are your children?

But having a big adventure sleepover with an excited 3 year old is fun?

Keep the money. Fuck these horrible “friends”.

My family is a 3 year old girl. I think MN would, rightly in this instance call SS if I took her out drinking.

I've posted on the group that I'm upset because I was looking forward to it and annoyed that people have left it yo the last minute to tell me. On the one hand I want them to know how much they've upset me but on the other hand I don't want to seem pathetic. Even if I am.

I'm getting upset again. I'm going to bed.

No-one is suggesting that you take a 3 year old girl drinking.

What is stopping you just going away for the night with your daughter? who wa shaving her whilst you went away?

It would have to be an extremely close friend for me to spend money on an apartment and meal. I don't know how much the whole night would cost, but potentially a lot. If a friend was on the fence it sounds like she felt pressured instead of really wanting to go.

I don't think many women would have 7 close female friends who could drop everything for them for a night, especially if they all have kids.

Are you still married? If so can you and your DH do something?

@hiddenworlds I love my daughter. She's amazing however a single night away in a hotel down the road from our house is just a bit silly. It won't be an adventure because she'll just go to sleep. If I'm going to spend the evening by myself while she's asleep in bed, like most other evenings, I may as well be at home.

Who was meant to be looking after her overnight?

So it is a 7 bedded apartment in a hotel? How many bedrooms?

On the one hand I want them to know how much they've upset me but on the other hand I don't want to seem pathetic.

It’s a good thing that you’ve told them. They’ve treated you badly and they need to know that.

The one person who hasn’t dropped out, could you do something with them instead?

That really sucks op. I'd keep the money.

@Gingerkittykat the hotel was £50 each including breakfast. Everyone already paid for that. (Classy hotel!)

Meal was going to be a Weatherspoons so £20 absolute tops including drinks. Drinks before hand was going to be a few bottles of wine so less than £10 each .

Drinks out, whatever people wanted to spend but most of us don't drink much. There would be no taxis.

I don't know people's finances but these women spend £60 on a night out anyway so because the hotel was already paid for, the budget for the night out is pretty much what they'd spend anyway. Does that make sense?

I am close friends with 3 of them.

where is the apartment I'm up for a party!

@hiddenworlds it was a family suite sort of thing. I can't remember how they described it but it basically had a central area with some sofas and a kichinette. 2 single rooms and 3 twin rooms. It was the top floor so took up the whole floor. It was cheap and cheerful!

You are not unreasonable to feel disappointed and pretty annoyed with your friends tonight. I would be.

Over the next few days someone might come to mind to invite. Siblings? Cousins? Daughter and a friend with a child a similar age? It wouldn't be the same at all but you could change the activities and salvage something. I think that is all PP are saying.

But tonight, no chance of thinking of anyone else I'd have thought. Headspace much better taken up with wine and sleep.

@hiddenworlds my mum. My mum is 70 and we have a difficult relationship but tolerate each other for her sake. I had to beg her to babysit. She'll love this.
(Post edited by MNHQ as it contained identifying info)

it was a family suite sort of thing. I can't remember how they described it but it basically had a central area with some sofas and a kichinette. 2 single rooms and 3 twin rooms. It was the top floor so took up the whole floor. It was cheap and cheerful!

It sounds like a really good find. Cheap and cheerful can be a lot of fun!

@Namechangeforthiscancershit well I thought so. Clearly no one else did. :(

Child is stirring. I'm going to go. Goodnight.