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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why anyone would want relatives round straight after birth?

385 replies

MakingABoobOfIt · 04/10/2019 15:52

Extremely close family ((ie my mum and dad) is an exception to this rule, but I can’t bear this idea that family are somehow entitled to see a new baby, regardless of how the new parents feel. New parents have zero obligation to anyone, other than themselves and their new baby. They don’t need in-laws traipsing round while they’re trying to sleep/recover from the birth/feed the baby/have some family time. End of PSA Grin

OP posts:
ambereeree · 04/10/2019 15:54

In laws? Do you mean your parents are OK but not your partners?

BettysLeftTentacle · 04/10/2019 15:54

I don’t understand it either but I do Understand that everybody is different and have different needs and wants.

Horses for courses as they say.

Elllicam · 04/10/2019 15:55

liked my in-laws over.

Elllicam · 04/10/2019 15:56

Sorry that half posted Grin. I always liked people over. Including my in laws

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 04/10/2019 15:56

@ambereeree yep, exactly. My mum being here to look after me would be completely different to MIL being here. Partly because DS and I are much closer to my family than his (historical issues) - but I also think it’s usual to want your own mum?

OP posts:
WaynettaSlobOnTheSchoolRun · 04/10/2019 15:57

When DC1 was born (awful 2 day labour, 4th degree tear) I was on cloud nine and wanted to show her to the world. Had almost everyone round in the first couple of days. Just as well, once sleep deprivation kicked in properly it was a loooong time before I was fit for visitors again.

LittleOne61 · 04/10/2019 15:57

My brother and SIL are due soon and want us all to book our weekend in now so we can visit the baby. I'm reluctant to incase they need some space! I didn't mind people coming for an hour or so but wouldn't have wanted house guests!

ArsenicGreen · 04/10/2019 15:58

I cannot see how in-laws are different from parents.

sunshineandshowers21 · 04/10/2019 15:58

i personally didn’t mind having family round as soon as i was home with baby. we’re a very close family and everyone was excited to see the new baby. nobody i know in real life seems to do this mumsnet thing of not having anyone round for weeks after a baby being born.

Skybooks · 04/10/2019 15:59

I loved having people around once I was home (the day ds was born).

I wanted everyone to meet him and to show him offa little bit.

It's up to you and your husband, what did he think?

ShagMeRiggins · 04/10/2019 15:59

^

Yep

alltummy · 04/10/2019 16:00

I cannot see how in-laws are different from parents.
For most of the women I know they just are different.

PandaPantaloon · 04/10/2019 16:00

Because they love their families and want to share this huge milestone/their happiness with the people who mean the most to them?

Callistone · 04/10/2019 16:00

I couldn't wait to show DC's to anyone and everyone who wanted to see them. I'm not that close to my in-laws but I'm the complete opposite -I wanted them to all come and meet their new grandchild, niece, nephew.

So I'd say, why wouldn't you want them to come, terrible behaviour and family feuds excluded?

shellysheridan · 04/10/2019 16:00

In-laws and parents should be treated as equally as possibly. That's what we did. Obviously I'm closer to my mum but they were all so desperate to see their new grandchild and that aspect is equal.
I have boys and this worries me about having grandchildren.

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2019 16:01

They don’t need in-laws traipsing round while they’re trying to sleep/recover from the birth/feed the baby/have some family time.

Well that's you but it's not me and it won't be everyone else either.

I couldn't wait to show the baby off after all 3 of my births. I invited everyone to the hospital/to my home straight after.

What new parents need is not to be told by others what they do or don't need.

Howdidido · 04/10/2019 16:02

Are you the person who posted a short while ago pretending to be a MIL?
In short- yes I get it. But I saw it more that in the first few days -anyone useful and chilled out and who is ok with being asked to leave when you've had enough= welcome. Anyone who causes stress or expects anything or who doesn't offer to help with the boring jobs = not welcome. Who they are depend on your relationship with your family/inlaws/friends. But IL shouldn't be made to feel crappy if they're generally nice
(I draw the line at anyone staying overnight)

Grumpyperson · 04/10/2019 16:03

In laws? Do you mean your parents are OK but not your partners

I said this on the other thread, but as a woman who has just given birth, yes, absolutely. I don't want someone else's mum, I want mine.

Grumpyperson · 04/10/2019 16:03

I've not just given birth by the way - bad wording there!

Original poster
MakingABoobOfIt · 04/10/2019 16:05

@Howdidido ha, no - but that thread inspired me to write this one! I think it’s the feeling of obligation I get when IL’s come - so making them a cuppa, having a tidy house, etc. I don’t feel the same when it’s my own parents!

OP posts:
Expressedways · 04/10/2019 16:05

I think you’re being very unfair to suggest that the mother’s parents are fine but the father’s parents are unwelcome. Also, everyone’s different and personally I liked visitors (as long as they didn’t want to stay the night!). And if it’s not the first baby then family is usually asked to look after the older children. Not particularly close relatives imposing against the will of the parents is obviously not ok, nor is people inviting themselves to stay or expecting to be waited on!

Blossom28 · 04/10/2019 16:05

People who don’t know why in-laws are different 😑
The mother is the one who has been through labour, naturally many women want their own mother around before they want anyone else. Any father should be able to understand this.

BowiesJumper · 04/10/2019 16:06

I was fine with both sets of parents being there at the hospital. And I wouldn't have minded siblings, although they were only able to get visit as soon as we got home. I didn't have a great birth (emcs etc), but much better than some, so maybe that's why I was more relaxed about it.

coconuttelegraph · 04/10/2019 16:06

You're speaking for yourself don't assume everyone else feels the same way, new mums are perfectly entitled to welcome anyone they like round as soon as they like after the birth.

I think you seem to have a problem within your family, no need to extrapolate that to the rest of the world

Hesafriendfromwork · 04/10/2019 16:06

I dont understand how someone doesnt understand that their in laws are their husbands parents.

It appears that many women on mn want to prioritise their own family, then complain that the in laws dont do enough with the grandkids.

You cant push someone away when you want and have them there when you want them. Thata not how relationships work.

I wasnt a big fan of my in laws. I had them round that night. They lived quite a drive away so didnt come to the hospital. I wanted them to meet their grandson and wanted dh to be able to introduce his son to his parents.