To wonder why anyone would want relatives round straight after birth?

[MakingABoobOfIt]

Extremely close family ((ie my mum and dad) is an exception to this rule, but I can’t bear this idea that family are somehow entitled to see a new baby, regardless of how the new parents feel. New parents have zero obligation to anyone, other than themselves and their new baby. They don’t need in-laws traipsing round while they’re trying to sleep/recover from the birth/feed the baby/have some family time. End of PSA

I can fully understand that. From what I hear giving birth is no walk in the park and supposed to be very physically draining. I know I would want at least 1-2 weeks to recover before introducing the baby to immediate family and probably a month until I have friends around. My mum has already offered to stay for a month to help care for me and the baby but I explained fiancé will take time off work so she really does not need to. I would prefer if at least for the first 2 weeks it was just me, DP and the baby together with any older DC is it is not the first child

@LovePoppy

I plastered on a smile and sobbed in relief after they left, their daughter had had their first granddaughter so they raced back home. Even though we get on, we’re not close and they had never visited us or spoken to me unless through their son or we visited them so it was a bit of a shock to have them around for so long even more so while my husband was at work. I’m not from the U.K. so had no idea if there was a certain etiquette and was I supposed to do something for/with them. I had only planned to establish nursing, spend the last remaining days of husband’s paternity leave with him, and crack on with being a new mum. Since we didn’t live near any family I hadn’t expected or factored anyone staying with us. Husband and I knew before having kids we wouldn’t have any support due to living away from his family (my family are in the States) and I would be on my own once baby was born with him at work. I was in childcare for over a decade so it wasn’t a scary thought. They made their meals and cups of tea and I made mine, while husband did dinners. They were nice, but it was really awkward and uncomfortable. I considered asking my husband when they were leaving, but thought it would be unkind and didn’t want to stir the pot. We didn’t discuss what happened then til a month before our second child was due and he said two weeks for them, but for my mum he left it to me because he enjoyed having her there more despite her being there longer. I kept it to two weeks for it to be fair for everyone.

*here

midwives come every day for 10 days

Where do you live where that happens?

I only saw the health visitor twice at home and that was the second week and the sixth week after having my first and once maybe the second/third week after having my second. Never saw midwives at home.

@phoenixrosehere I had a midwife every second day for the first week then they signed me off to the HV and she came three times a think with a couple of weeks in between. Then I had a weaning visit at 6 months. I'm in Scotland.

I agree with you OP.

When I had DD we had two lots of different visitors each day for the first 3 weeks after she was born. MIL came an hour after we arrived home from hospital! Having so many people over every day when I was exhausted didn't give me a chance to settle into motherhood properly and contributed to my PND and anxiety.

If we ever have more children, no one will be visiting in the first couple of days and even then it will be a select few for an hour at a time I reckon.

I absolutely love my MIL and my SILs so I was thrilled to have them around lots in the first couple of weeks. It was certainly easier having friends visit in hospital so I didn't have to worry about how tidy the house was.

@Ginger1982

I am in England, was in Buckinghamshire when I had my sons. I didn’t know there was a HV at 6 months. I didn’t see one at six months for either boys. HV was at one year and two year checks. My youngest may not even get a two year check until he’s over 32 months due to the shortage of HVs here in Oxfordshire.

@phoenixrosehere yeah it obviously varies wildly! I got a 6 month and 16 month visit and meant to get one between 24 and 27 months but still waiting!!

@phoenixrosehere

I just wished my in-laws had stayed in a hotel than stay with us. I hadn’t known or expected they were coming down so soon after and then to stay with us for almost a week was uncomfortable. I usually get on with them, but I was nowhere emotionally, mentally, or physically in a place to have people staying with us for that long. Having them around all day, having to walk upstairs to our bedroom so I could nurse in privacy, having to share our only bathroom with two extra adults knowing I won’t just be two minutes in and out. Husband was even counting the days they were to leave. It was nice to have our house back after they had gone. We both felt so much better afterwards

I hear you!

After the birth of DC2 my PILs came to stay when baby was 1 week old- they stayed for a whole month!

We live in a 2 bedroom terrace house- they slept on our living room floor for the duration. I too wished that they had got a hotel or a local Air BnB- my DH told me I was mean and not welcoming!

I get on really well with them normally, they live abroad so we only see them in the context of a holiday, and they were generally helpful and thoughtful during their stay post-DC2...but I found it all way too much

We only have 1 bathroom, and sharing with another 2 adults was a bit of a challenge. I was massively constipated for the first weeks- thank you post CS meds- and a visit to the bathroom was not always a speedy one.

Alos, there was a lot of pressure on me to leave DC2 with the PILs while DH and I took some time alone together....at 3 weeks post birth, the last thing on my mind was to leave DC2 with anyone!

we had a couple hours out together in a local restaurant- we spent the whole time arguing, I just told him exactly what I thought of him, with milk leaking out of my boobs...a very LOW moment for me.

They meant well but honestly it caused so many arguments and animosity between DH and I, at a time when we shouldn't have been, to put it bluntly.

I think it all depends on your individual circumstances, and the most important thing is that you and your partner are on the same page. Me and DH were most certainly not, and over 12 months post-birth things have never quite been the same between us
And the PILs have not yet been back to stay

gosh, after that download, I am in need of wine