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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask in-laws to remove their shoes

220 replies

KHE89 · 03/10/2019 11:38

I'm not a mum yet (sorry to be intruding) but i wanted to get a mum's perspective on this.
I grew up not wearing shoes in the house, and whenever I go to someone's house, I take my shoes off when i enter (unless told otherwise).
My husband and I don't wear shoes in our own home. However, my in-laws wear their shoes in my house when they come over. Yes they make an attempt to wipe their shoes on the mat, but come rain or shine, they keep their shoes on.
This bugs me. When i do become a mum, I want this to stop because i want to minimise the amount of dirt in the house. If the child is playing on the floor, i don't want shoe dirt in that area.
AIBU to want this, and want my husband to have my back on this, even if he doesn't agree to this? We came to blows over this, but I don't feel like it's unreasonable. Confused

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 03/10/2019 11:40

It's not unreasonable, but it is quite penickety. How muddy are their shoes really?! I wouldn't care myself

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 03/10/2019 11:40

If you want to encourage them not to wear their outdoor shoes in the house, maybe offer to provide some indoor only shoes/ decent slippers. Not throwaway hotel ones, or bright pink velour!

Windydaysuponus · 03/10/2019 11:41

My ils used to bring their slippers!!

Original poster
KHE89 · 03/10/2019 11:42

I guess not super muddy. Maybe i'm just being OCD about mud and germs

OP posts:
BottleOfJameson · 03/10/2019 11:42

YANBU. I'm a tutor so go into lots of houses and automatically take my shoes off. I didn't grow up in a shoes off house but will adapt when I'm in someone else's house.

Jent13c · 03/10/2019 11:42

My folks are the same, I'm not worried about germs really but cannot stand the thought of walking about in outdoor shoes inside and dragging who knows what in. Give them slippers and show them where to leave their shoes...they will get the hint!

Raphael34 · 03/10/2019 11:43

Have you actually asked them to take their shoes off?

DriftingLeaves · 03/10/2019 11:45

It's rude to ask people to remove their shoes.

Original poster
KHE89 · 03/10/2019 11:45

No I haven't asked them to remove them as I feel it would be easier to come from their son than from me. But he doesn't agree with my POV.

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 03/10/2019 11:45

By the time your baby is a toddler they will make so much mess that you won't notice.

It's good for babies to be exposed to germs anyway.

Shoxfordian · 03/10/2019 11:45

Probably not worth arguing over really
Try to meet them out more or go to their house more so it bothers you less

lazylinguist · 03/10/2019 11:49

There are many, many threads on Mumsnet about this, if you do a search. It's a topic which brings up very polarised opinions and is often said to be a matter of social class (supposedly it is generally working class people who insist on shoes off).
I was brought up in a shoes on house, and only take my shoes off if they are visibly muddy or wet. I would of course remove them in someone else's house if requested or if I see they are all shoeless.

I find the idea that women have to suddenly be obsessed with hygiene when they have a baby a bit silly tbh. Children need to live in a normal, non-sterile environment to develop their immune systems.

madcatladyforever · 03/10/2019 11:49

I don't want any outdoor shoes in my house. They soon cause the carpets to deteriorate and you just don't know what bacteria they are bringing in. I'd ask them to bring slippers and leave shoes at the door for the baby's safety.
Things like dog poo can linger in the spaces at the bottom of the shoes.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 03/10/2019 11:50

It's not rude to ask people to remove their shoes. In many cultures it's standard and profoundly rude to walk into someone's home in shoes.

OP get a shoe rack and a sign that says 'please remove your shoes' and just start implementing that as the new normal.

Do it now, don't wait for a baby. You'll have other battles on your hands then.

Oodlesandpoodles · 03/10/2019 11:51

We didn’t wear shoes in the house, but I know we had slippers or sliders for guests.

AloeVeraLynn · 03/10/2019 11:51

I don't wear shoes indoors but I think this is a bit much. Its almost like you've identified an area in which you can have some control, bolstered by the hypothetical baby and germs.. is it really worth getting into an argument over?
Believe me when I say babies and toddlers are disgusting and will encounter worse than slightly grubby shoes.

lazylinguist · 03/10/2019 11:52

Maybe i'm just being OCD about mud and germs

Do you have diagnosed OCD? Children go out in the mud. Why would mud hurt them? As for germs and bacteria, they are everwhere all the time, not just on shoes. And most of them are harmless anyway.

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 11:55

If neither of you ask them, do you expect them to be mind readers?

It's your home, your rules. Just ask - as long as there's a seat provided, some people struggle.

I hate people who insist on taking off their shoes in my house, even worst in the summer and end up bare feet, looks disgusting. No one is eating off the floor here, so there's no need to try to keep a sterile home.

but again, your home, your rule. You can only be as precious as you want with the 1st baby anyway, then their siblings bring back muddy everything, germs and all sorts from nursery and school!

billy1966 · 03/10/2019 11:55

As a compromise, perhaps leave it until you have children and provide a nice pair of slippers for them if you feel so strongly about it.

Personally I wouldn't ask them.

We remove shoes in this house as a family but I don't ask friends to do it.

I instigated it for all visiting children when a child brought dog poo in years ago.
My children's friends do it to this day.

Sometimes the lads will have been playing football and their shoes would be in bits.
I'm not having that on my rugs and floors.
They don't bat an eyelid to the request.

I have good mats at the doors which friends wipe on. I'm happy with that.

GymNovice · 03/10/2019 11:55

I have slippers for the IL's here, they have slippers for DH and me, BIL & SIL at their house (and I take some for the DC when we visit)

DriftingLeaves · 03/10/2019 11:56

Why do you want people's sweaty feet on your carpet and floors? Much more disgusting.

QueenAnneBoleyn · 03/10/2019 11:57

Your house, your rules.
I personally don’t like shoes being worn in my home and MIL always used to ignore my wishes and wear her shoes until she trailed dog poo into our house one day. She now takes them off. Grin

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 11:58

It's not rude to ask people to remove their shoes.

It absolutely is within certain sub sections of UK culture.

It's a topic which brings up very polarised opinions and is often said to be a matter of social class (supposedly it is generally working class people who insist on shoes off).

More lower middle. But yes, it's extremely polarising.

I'd never dream of asking anyone to remove their shoes as I see it as such an unwelcoming thing to do.

There's no evidence that removing shoes makes any difference to illness levels. Higher exposure to germs as a baby is probably a good thing.

But it is your house. Do what you want. They might see the request as immensely rude though, but up to you if that's worth it.

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 11:59

Why do you want people's sweaty feet on your carpet and floors? Much more disgusting.

Yes, this is my view too. I HATE feet.

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 11:59

why would anyone want disgusting carpets with a baby? When you see the amount of dust and shit that comes out when you take off even the most pristine looking carpet, why would you want that in your home?

but sweaty feet are just the worst .