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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask in-laws to remove their shoes

220 replies

KHE89 · 03/10/2019 11:38

I'm not a mum yet (sorry to be intruding) but i wanted to get a mum's perspective on this.
I grew up not wearing shoes in the house, and whenever I go to someone's house, I take my shoes off when i enter (unless told otherwise).
My husband and I don't wear shoes in our own home. However, my in-laws wear their shoes in my house when they come over. Yes they make an attempt to wipe their shoes on the mat, but come rain or shine, they keep their shoes on.
This bugs me. When i do become a mum, I want this to stop because i want to minimise the amount of dirt in the house. If the child is playing on the floor, i don't want shoe dirt in that area.
AIBU to want this, and want my husband to have my back on this, even if he doesn't agree to this? We came to blows over this, but I don't feel like it's unreasonable. Confused

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 03/10/2019 12:25

@ LakieLady - nobody has said it because unlike MN in the real world when you are asked to take your shoes off in someone else’s house it’s considered a reasonable request. If they did Push back I would insist. My house, my rules.

0lapislazuli · 03/10/2019 12:28

Do what you feel most comfortable with, it’s your house.

It’s got nothing to do with class either, it’s a personal preference.

We are a shoes off house, but no visitor ever offers to do the same, so I end up hoovering and mopping after every visit. I should just ask, but feel it’s too late to suddenly start doing this now. We have a new baby on the way soon, so I might start asking after she’s born as I won’t be bothered to clean the floors every day.

Don’t worry about kids playing on the floor though, it won’t hurt them and will benefit their immune system if not everything’s spotless.

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 12:28

unlike MN in the real world when you are asked to take your shoes off in someone else’s house it’s considered a reasonable request.

such a stupid comment. You do realise that posters on MN come from the real world?

The issue here is that no one has asked the in-laws to take their shoes off! How hard can it be, if you must have guests without shoes, put a seat near the door for them, and ask them.

It's ridiculous to assume that people are mind readers, and the UK is NOT a shoes-off country, who knows if it's even half and half.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/10/2019 12:29

Maybe we should place bets on how many posts this thread will attract. Wink

DarlingNikita · 03/10/2019 12:30

I'd ask them. In actual fact I don't have to ask anyone, because I have a shoe rack by the door. Everyone sees it and either takes their shoes off or says 'Oh, is it shoes off?', to which I can then reasonably say yes.

I'm not a mum, BTW, if that matters...

DriftingLeaves · 03/10/2019 12:30

I've never been asked by any of my friends to do this. Nor have I asked them. Bonkers.

easyandy101 · 03/10/2019 12:30

Send out a group email to family & friends (or just word it to suggest it is going wide). Say you’re moving from a ‘shoes on’ house to a ‘shoes off’ house. Add that you appreciate everyone’s understanding, and that frequent visitors are welcome to leave ‘indoors only’ shoes/slippers at yours for convenience. Keep the tone light, and don’t offer reasons. When the in-laws come next, show them the new hall seat for shoe removal and ask if they have brought indoor shoes as per the email. Smiley and light, but firm.

Jesus Fucking Christ

AmIThough · 03/10/2019 12:30

The germs thing is irrelevant. If you want them to take their shoes off, that's fine. It's your house.

MustardScreams · 03/10/2019 12:31

Can someone bring up loo brushes and how often they wash their towels so we can have the full house?

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 12:31

because I have a shoe rack by the door. Everyone sees it and either takes their shoes off or says 'Oh, is it shoes off?'

Is that what it means? I always thought it was just a messy or too small house and no space to put them anywhere else. Pretty sure it doesn't mean shoes-off in many houses though.

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 12:33

Send out a group email to family & friends - Say you’re moving from a ‘shoes on’ house to a ‘shoes off’ house.

I think there should be a thread in classic, with ONLY the best posts ever from MN - no comments, no discussion, just the posts.

eddiemairswife · 03/10/2019 12:34

Where on earth do some of you live if you have people regularly stepping in dog dirt and trailing it through your home? And I bet a lot of your visitors come out of their houses, into their cars, onto your drive and into your house. Not much chance of encountering dog dirt .

Seren10 · 03/10/2019 12:34

It's rude to ask people to remove their shoes.

Absolutely not! It's rude to NOT remove your shoes when entering someone's house. I absolutely always go to remove my shoes. Sometimes people will say "oh no don't worry about your shoes!", in which case I will leave them on, but I would absolutely go to remove them first and foremost.

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 12:35

I absolutely always go to remove my shoes

That’s not necessarily the polite thing to do. Lots of people don’t want to see your feet.

Taking your cue from the host and asking if not sure is polite.

0lapislazuli · 03/10/2019 12:35

I absolutely hate being asked to remove my shoes on entering someone's home. I don't go to the trouble of picking the shoes that look best with what I'm wearing just to take them off when I get where I'm going!

Hmm
Yoohoo16 · 03/10/2019 12:37

Shoes off in our house. My carpet was expensive and now I want it to look as nice as possible for as long as possible.
Just tell them politely when they come in.

Monkeyseesmonkeydoes · 03/10/2019 12:38

I wouldn't ask them - let them alone. How old are they? How easy is it for them to remove/put on shoes? Would being in socks be an issue for them? Sore feet, need the support etc.

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 12:38

It's rude to NOT remove your shoes when entering someone's house.

of course it's not, just ask. Why do you assume that everyone follows your weird rules Seren10?

Oh that actually reminds me of someone, with these towie-like grey carpets throughout, who did insist on everyone taking off their shoes - fair enough, it's her home, but was changing nappies in the middle of the living room carpet! GrinGrinGrin

So my clean shoes were out of order, fine, but child puke and baby poo was acceptable. It was so funny.

Oysterbabe · 03/10/2019 12:40

I think it's rude to ask someone to take their shoes off. We have wood floors though which are kept clean much more easily.

AmIThough · 03/10/2019 12:40

@Oysterbabe how is it possibly rude?

tashakg89 · 03/10/2019 12:40

I agree, it's disgusting and I hate it. I have a light grey carpet and I can always tell when someone has walked about with their shoes on.
My mum will sometimes take her shoes off sometimes not
For some reason certain people think it's strange or rude to ask for someone to take their shoes off ( I think I it's rude not to just take them off I wouldn't dream of walking in somesones house with my shoes on)
Invest in a carpet cleaner, that's what I have then least you can give it a good clean ( the amount of dirt that comes out is not nice and that's from a carpet that is usually a shoe free zone) I've had work being going on in the kitchen so there has being a bit of people leaving their shoes on ect and when I cleaned the carpet it was vile way worse than it is usually.

SauvignonBlanche · 03/10/2019 12:42

It appears to be that everyone who has come out with “your house, your rules” is hard of reading and missed the bit where the OP explained that her DH doesn't agree with my POV, it’s his fucking house too and his parents.

Something as important as this sort of incompatibility should be explored in marriage preparation classes. Maybe you should just split up now? Wink

As for that email suggestion - that’s just batshit crazy. Shock

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 12:43

how is it possibly rude?

Because you’re not considering their comfort.

Is it difficult for them to get their shoes off?
Do they need support for their feet?
Will they get cold?
Are they more likely to slip/be unsteady?
Will they hurt their feet if stuff’s lying on the floor?

And so on.

Silene · 03/10/2019 12:43

We automatically change into slippers at the door, I am used to Swedish, and Norwegian homes where people don’t go into houses in outdoor shoes. Also am on a farm. Not sure it has anything to with class. I take shoes off in other people’s houses too. I have clean feet and clean socks!!

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 03/10/2019 12:45

Never understand the mentality that “It’s rolled to ask people to remove their shoes” is it not rude to traipse whatever you’ve been walking through into my house?

I’m with you OP. No shoes in my house. Given that I’m the one who pays for the carpets and I’m the one who cleans up anything that gets spilled or walked through them then surely it’s my choice whether or not shoes are ok?
I’d just tell them next time they come that you’d prefer it if they didn’t wear shoes in the house. If they’re going to be difficult or get offended then you can see them elsewhere.
I’ve never known anyone to object when Ithey’ve been asked to take their shoes off in my house. Mind you, I’ve never had anyone wander through wearing shoes without checking with me first.