AIBU to ask in-laws to remove their shoes

[KHE89]

I'm not a mum yet (sorry to be intruding) but i wanted to get a mum's perspective on this.
I grew up not wearing shoes in the house, and whenever I go to someone's house, I take my shoes off when i enter (unless told otherwise).
My husband and I don't wear shoes in our own home. However, my in-laws wear their shoes in my house when they come over. Yes they make an attempt to wipe their shoes on the mat, but come rain or shine, they keep their shoes on.
This bugs me. When i do become a mum, I want this to stop because i want to minimise the amount of dirt in the house. If the child is playing on the floor, i don't want shoe dirt in that area.
AIBU to want this, and want my husband to have my back on this, even if he doesn't agree to this? We came to blows over this, but I don't feel like it's unreasonable.

Send out a group email to family & friends (or just word it to suggest it is going wide). Say you’re moving from a ‘shoes on’ house to a ‘shoes off’ house. Add that you appreciate everyone’s understanding, and that frequent visitors are welcome to leave ‘indoors only’ shoes/slippers at yours for convenience. Keep the tone light, and don’t offer reasons. When the in-laws come next, show them the new hall seat for shoe removal and ask if they have brought indoor shoes as per the email. Smiley and light, but firm.

This is comedy gold.

I just buy new ones 🤷🏻‍♀️

If your shoes are not clean enough to be worn inside, then really they are not clean enough to be stored near your underwear.

They're nowhere near my underwear My underwear is in an entirely separate chest of drawers.

They're on their own, at the bottom of my wardrobe. Above them are dresses/skirts/trousers that are handing up and don't come into contact with them.

This thread is getting weird.

Hanging up. Obviously.

I have arthritis in my knees. I struggle with bending down. Constantly taking my shoes off and putting them back on again is my idea of hell. I'd avoid going to a house that demanded it, unless it was my mum's or something. Not that she ever did, which is probably why I'm a domestic slattern now, cos I was dragged up rather than brought up.

This thread is getting weird

It's been weird for at least 5 pages

I never used to remove shoes in my house, but I have now been doing it so long, I feel very uncomfortable wearing shoes.
If I go somewhere with carpets, I would probably automatically remove my shoes. Laminate floors? then I would take my lead from my host.
If I know I am going somewhere with laminate or wooden flooring, I may take some slippers or socks to put on

No I haven't asked them to remove them as I feel it would be easier to come from their son than from me. But he doesn't agree with my POV

Then you have to ask them to take their shoes off.

Does everyone else entering your house take their shoes off?

My family and I take our shoes off but if I asked anyone else in my family they’d tell me to get a life!
It’s very rude to visitors to ask them to take their shoes off. What ever happened to warm hospitality when people take time out of their day to visit?

It's been weird for at least 5 pages

Even as I hit post, I realised i should have said 'weird .. er than usual'

You're not being OCD. You're allowed to not want shoes on in your house. Even when you wipe your shoes on the mat the crap is still on the sole, the only way for it to be removed is to put the shoes in the washing machine. But who's doing that on a regular baisi?

Send out a group email to family & friends (or just word it to suggest it is going wide). Say you’re moving from a ‘shoes on’ house to a ‘shoes off’ house. Add that you appreciate everyone’s understanding, and that frequent visitors are welcome to leave ‘indoors only’ shoes/slippers at yours for convenience. Keep the tone light, and don’t offer reasons. When the in-laws come next, show them the new hall seat for shoe removal and ask if they have brought indoor shoes as per the email. Smiley and light, but firm.

I’m dying.... would you actually send this email?

Sorry but I'd be mortified if someone asked me to take my shoes off and probably wouldn't visit again. As for the slippers... No way would I wear someone else's stuff especially on my feet.

i think its staggeringly rude to ask someone to remove their shoes when they come into your home

Our living room is upstairs, so maybe our opinion is skewed, but we just don't want people traipsing up and down our carpet with their shoes on.

And then we have a massive rug in the living room, so it's almost like it's fully carpeted. Again, we don't want the sole of people's shoes on it.

LOL at people who demand that guests take off their shoes because they deem them to be full of germs, but then offer them a pair of slippers or flip-flops that have previously been worn by umpteen other guests. You're literally saying "I will not put up with strangers' germs on my carpet, but you must put up with strangers' germs and their dead skin and sweat and verrucas on your feet."

If someone's shoes are visibly muddy and you've got a brand new cream-coloured carpet, OK, apologetically ask them if they would possibly mind taking their shoes off. In any other circumstances, stop being such a prissy-pants and make your visitors feel like welcome guests rather than germ-riddled inconveniences.

i think its staggeringly rude to wear your shoes into someone else's house.

Every single person I know keeps their shoes in the bottom of the wardrobe. That’s what they’re for.

If that was true, that would explain with the obsession for candles and house perfumes, no wonder they are needed in some homes if people kept their shoes in their bedroom wardrobe! what, with your clean clothes and bedding and all?

that's hilarious, I love MN!

Something as important as this sort of incompatibility should be explored in marriage preparation classes

I think this is actually a good point.

See also, 'what temperature should the thermostat be at?'

I never take my shoes off in my own home. I have the no shoes rule for kids though thanks to dog shit being traipsed through my house 7 times in the first 4 months of living here (we don't have a dog) by my own kids and their visiting friends. If they don't like it, tough. Adults aren't expected to take theirs off. I have a friend who was raised in another culture and shoes off at hers is a must. I don't think twice about taking mine off when visiting her. Her house, her rules. DSis also has a no shoes upstairs rule (cream carpets).

If I were you OP I would start insisting. It's rude of them to refuse. Maybe buy them a pair of slippers each to keep at yours. And try to have a seat or something at the door so they can actually get their shoes off. It can be difficult for some people to remove shoes whilst standing.

One thing though, don't be too worried about germs around your child. It'll do them no good to be kept in a sterile environment. I'm not saying they need to eat dirt, but do relax a bit.

GymNovice
what is staggeringly rude is to assume you know best and your way is the only way. Educating yourself and being a little bit more open-minded will help make you less of a foul, especially if you ever visit people or god forbid, go travelling in another country.

I can't think of many of my friends who have a shoe-off policy, and we are all living around London.

I wouldn't want to wear anyones shoes at someone elses rude. I think its rude to ask anyone to remove their shoes. I think you need to get over yourself with the pfb nonsense about germs. your kid will be stuffing alot of crap into their mouth which you cant control so dont create an issue about that.

i think its staggeringly rude to ask someone to remove their shoes when they come into your home

i think its staggeringly rude to wear your shoes into someone else's house

This is why I love these threads.

Anyone's disgust at the perfectly normal practice of keeping shoes at the bottom of the wardrobe is adding a new and exciting dimension though.

And that email

This thread is funny!

I know in Japan I caused a stir by forgetting to remove my shoes in a clothes shop changing room (which was tiny!). Lots of gasps and shock. Culturally of course I respected it, but it’s kind of bonkers.

I always take my shoes off in my own house but I do have my own cosy slippers. And it helps to keep the dirt down if we as family do it, but it’s hardly going to make a difference if people coming in and out don’t do it. Germs and bacteria can’t be eradicated with bleachy clean homes! And they shouldn’t be. We go out in the air and walk on the ground and touch doors etc. it’s not healthy to be so OCD.

Hospitals cope without asking for visitors to take off their shoes and there are lots of people in there low and sick.

I think guests shouldn’t have to, it’s not that nice to be in socks or tights and walk on other people’s floors! I know I don’t like taking my shoes off in other people’s houses.

Interesting subject for me - growing up in all of my extended family's houses adults wore shoes in the house but children were expected to remove them to be polite (not sure of the logic of that one!) But the norm for DH in his home country is that 100% shoes off at the door for everyone in all houses, but that bare foot/socks is also kind of frowned upon - it has to be slippers/specific inside shoes - to the extent that there are actually spare spa style slippers for guests to use! Our house is a shoe off or slipper house but if older members of my family come over we don't make a big deal about it if they don't take off their shoes either. I cant get too worked up about it and DH knows when to pick his battles!