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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask in-laws to remove their shoes

220 replies

KHE89 · 03/10/2019 11:38

I'm not a mum yet (sorry to be intruding) but i wanted to get a mum's perspective on this.
I grew up not wearing shoes in the house, and whenever I go to someone's house, I take my shoes off when i enter (unless told otherwise).
My husband and I don't wear shoes in our own home. However, my in-laws wear their shoes in my house when they come over. Yes they make an attempt to wipe their shoes on the mat, but come rain or shine, they keep their shoes on.
This bugs me. When i do become a mum, I want this to stop because i want to minimise the amount of dirt in the house. If the child is playing on the floor, i don't want shoe dirt in that area.
AIBU to want this, and want my husband to have my back on this, even if he doesn't agree to this? We came to blows over this, but I don't feel like it's unreasonable.

OP posts:

Vulpine · 03/10/2019 16:40

Ive never asked any guests to remove shoes or wash hands, babies or no babies, but weve all got great immune systems in our house so its not something i think about much.

MonstranceClock · 03/10/2019 16:42

I just can’t belive you can be so entitled to think you can dictate what happens in someone else’s home.

Her0utdoors · 03/10/2019 16:44

Do you have an easily accessible chair by the door? My ils wouldn't be able to take their shoes on an off without a strong, high chair with arms. And they probably have smelly feet, so wouldn't want them to.
It's going to be tricky with a baby to only allow it to be on clean surfaces, playgroups, nurseries, parks etc are all shoes on generally.

Drizzzle · 03/10/2019 16:50

I think I read that toxins from cars, petrol, tarmac also sticks to your shoes and you don't eant your baby to crawl around in that.

Imnotthrowingawaymyshot · 03/10/2019 16:51

I agree with Laurie Marlow.

It's a class thing. No illness proof except houses are now too clean and it's causing more sickness through exposure to chemical and less bacteria.

We are shoe on house in 25 years one person was a prick and walked mud through the house. Which was subsequently very quickly removed without fuss

Anyway... It depends on your in laws really. If you respect them and get on with them... Perhaps let them be? If they are rude and disrespectful... Perhaps insist they come off.

As an aside.. Were I to have a shoe off rule I would make exceptions for close family members.. I would never in million years ask my mum to take shoes off if she didn't want too.. Or friends that visit a few times month, year.

I think that's extreme behaviour.

Imnotthrowingawaymyshot · 03/10/2019 16:55

Dh grew up in absolutely strictly shoes off house, he hates it now!
We had to take shoes off in b n b and he didn't stop Moaning about it. He hates going to his folks and having to take them off.

Drizzzle · 03/10/2019 17:18

In some cultures asking people to take their shoes off is extreme behaviour, in other cultures keeping your shoes on is extreme behaviour.....

CustardCreamLover · 03/10/2019 17:27

I have no idea why anyone would wear outdoor shoes inside. It makes absolutely no logical sense. I suppose people who do it must just clean more often than those that don't?!

BaronessBomburst · 03/10/2019 17:30

Our house has a 'no shoes to be worn upstairs' rule. Downstairs is up to the guests, whichever they prefer.
I take my shoes off when visiting family, but I have at least one friend whose floor is dirtier than my shoes and I don't want to be walking on it in tights. It's also cold underfoot.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 03/10/2019 17:34

I have no idea why anyone would wear outdoor shoes inside

I go to a friends house for dinner, or a coffee, or to pick up something? I'm all dressed, with shoes to match. Friends invite me in.

I don't wear shoes in my own house all the time, but I do when I have visitors or people over for dinner. My clothes look better with shoes on. It's odd to bother putting on a nice dress, make up and then slip some slippers on.

LakieLady · 03/10/2019 18:23

Yes, that's how I feel, too.

And what do all these shoes-off households do when they have parties? You'd have to have a very big hall or porch to hold the shoes of 20 or 30 guests.

And when you have barbecues, do you expect guests to take their shoes off every time they pop indoors for a wee or something?

motherheroic · 03/10/2019 19:47

Do the shoes on people have carpet? I can understand shoes on lino/laminate/wooden floors because you can hot water and bleach it. But if it's on carpet I feel like I'd never be able to get it clean enough.

higgyhog · 04/10/2019 10:15

Bleach? Never be able to get carpet clean enough? What has the world come to! Houses are for relaxing and living in. I come from a remarkably healthy family ( I have not had a day off work in 12 years, my sons didn't have a single day off at all from school aged 3 - 18) I 'm a strong adherent of my grandmother's motto "you've got to eat a peck of dirt before you die" . Yes, I have cream carpets, and they are cleaned by a professional when they start to look grubby, more for appearances than a desire to be germ free.

anyoneseenmykeys · 04/10/2019 10:23

Houses are for relaxing and living in.

I agree, that's the very first thing I do when I move somewhere is to get rid of carpets
The amount of hours wasted by people to remove wine/make-up/pens/ nail varnish/ paint and god knows what from their carpet, who has time to bother about things like that.

lazylinguist · 04/10/2019 12:38

I have no idea why anyone would wear outdoor shoes inside

What are 'outdoor shoes'? Mine are just shoes. Presumably you walk around indoors at work, in shops, in restaurants, at the cinema etc with shoes on? Wellies or walking boots are only for outside. If I've been out in those, I take them off and put normal shoes on.

Blondebakingmumma · 04/10/2019 13:00

My baby eats handfuls of grass/dirt when I turn away. Kids are supposed to play in dirt and mud

WellButterMyArse · 04/10/2019 13:03

The difficulty with shoes off is that this is a rather cold country a lot of the year. I take mine off in a no shoes house but my circulation isn't the best and I've been rather uncomfortable at times. The rest of me is fine but feet get cold easily. One can of course further heat the house to avoid this, but it isn't the greenest really. I'd think someone who wanted to be in t shirt and shorts in winter and turn up the thermostat to compensate was being very irresponsible, this principle isn't much different.

If they're going to be at yours a lot then investing in a couple of pairs of really warm slippers for them might be the best option.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 04/10/2019 13:16

I really don't understand why people wear shoes in the house. Shoes are for outdoors.

I also don't understand all the comments about sweaty feet. People still wear socks, they'd have to be dreadfully sweaty to have any impact on your carpet through socks.

It's also not about germs for ne, it's about filthy marks on my neutral carpet.

GymNovice · 04/10/2019 13:23

Presumably you walk around indoors at work, in shops, in restaurants, at the cinema etc with shoes on?

But I don't sit on the floor in those places, neither do my DC play on the floor there. They do at home.

Rumboogie · 04/10/2019 13:57

You know that children being super-clean reduces their immune response and also encourages allergies, don't you?

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