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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask in-laws to remove their shoes

220 replies

KHE89 · 03/10/2019 11:38

I'm not a mum yet (sorry to be intruding) but i wanted to get a mum's perspective on this.
I grew up not wearing shoes in the house, and whenever I go to someone's house, I take my shoes off when i enter (unless told otherwise).
My husband and I don't wear shoes in our own home. However, my in-laws wear their shoes in my house when they come over. Yes they make an attempt to wipe their shoes on the mat, but come rain or shine, they keep their shoes on.
This bugs me. When i do become a mum, I want this to stop because i want to minimise the amount of dirt in the house. If the child is playing on the floor, i don't want shoe dirt in that area.
AIBU to want this, and want my husband to have my back on this, even if he doesn't agree to this? We came to blows over this, but I don't feel like it's unreasonable. Confused

OP posts:
mumwon · 03/10/2019 12:45

get them 2 pairs of slippers for Christmas each

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 12:48

There's another thing that I find puzzling

Some of the die-hard shoes off brigade store their shoes.. in their bedroom! Some under the bed, others in the cupboard where they put their clothes...

I don't get it Confused!
I don't take off my shoes, but I wouldn't go so far as putting them under my bed, how ..weird

Florrieboo · 03/10/2019 12:48

We are a shoes on house, and with 3 children from age 11 down to 7, despite everyone wearing shoes indoors all the time only one of those 3 children has ever been sick enough to need an antibiotic (ear infection) and none of them are every sick with colds etc. I don't think a sterile (or trying to be sterile) environment is good for anyone.

Let it go.

Myriade · 03/10/2019 12:48

Honestly? Each time that I am going to people's houses and I am taking my shoes off, I end up cold.
I tend to be generally quite cold but in a house (not always as warm as mine) and wo slippers, I find it quite unconfortable. And I dont like it. Of course for the house owner, they are unlikey to have those problems and feel unconfortable beause they have the b**y sleepers Hmm

When Im going to my PIL, I now always take my slippers. But it means that I need to think about it every time. And clearky doesnt solve the issue of going to see friends etc... (plus I cant see myself arriving at a friend house with my slippers in my hands tbh).

So imo, if you wouldnt stay in your house wo shoes but also wo slippers and expect people to spend several hours at your house, either you accept they will wear their shoes OR you offer them special guests slippers
Why should you want your guests to be uncomfortable (as you wouod be wo your own slippers)?

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 12:50

Some of the die-hard shoes off brigade store their shoes.. in their bedroom

What's so weird about that?

JavaQ · 03/10/2019 12:51

Your children need exposure to pathogens. Your carpets do not need exposure to mud and poo.
Get a box of those shoe covers that look like small shower hats. Bingo! No mud!

PookieDo · 03/10/2019 12:51

I hate shoes indoors. I would prefer they were off but I don’t insist

tashakg89 · 03/10/2019 12:51

@anyoneseenmykeys
Yes but it's her home she probably cleans the spots where the child was sick or where she changed their nappy. it's where her children live and these things happen. If she has guests round who leave their shoes on every time they come it's going to be a lot more cleaning for her that she most likely doesn't have time for.

MonstranceClock · 03/10/2019 12:51

In my culture you must put on house slippers. Shoes are disgusting, but so are bare or socked feet. I’d a faultless rather someone kept their shoes on than have their feet on show.

JavaQ · 03/10/2019 12:52

Btw I hope you vaccinate your kids

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 12:52

Some of the die-hard shoes off brigade store their shoes.. in their bedroom

What's so weird about that?

either the shoes are dirty, or they are not - it makes no sense if you are not consistent. My cupboards are for clean and unworn items, and why would shoes belong under the bed you sleep in?

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 12:53

Get a box of those shoe covers that look like small shower hats. Bingo! No mud!

That's nearly as good as the email. Grin

Not quite though.

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 12:54

I don't really understand the point.

My shoes are kept in the bottom of my wardrobe. I don't have any 'wardrobe rules' that would make storing shoes there problematic. HTH.

Spidey66 · 03/10/2019 12:54

This again!

BeyondMyWits · 03/10/2019 12:55

Don't mind shoes-off when it is carpeted, but I will keep my shoes on if laminate, the floor is slippy, I am unsteady on my feet anyhow.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 03/10/2019 12:55

It's so annoying having to remove your shoes. I hate walking on someones dirty floors in my bare feet or tights, or having to worry of my socks have a hole in them or being suddenly a couple of inches smaller when I remove my heels.

If there is toddler or baby in the house, then that's ok, otherwise, sorry, won't be removing my shoes.

Minai · 03/10/2019 12:55

I find most people automatically take their shoes off. If anyone doesn’t I just ask would they mind taking them off as my baby is crawling and I don’t want outside dirt on his hands as he puts them in his mouth a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever offended anyone by asking. If I have they’ve not mentioned it.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 03/10/2019 12:56

Oh, what's worse if being given slippers to wear. Fuck right off.

AmIThough · 03/10/2019 12:57

@LaurieMarlow to be fair the only people allowed in my house with shoes are OUR grandparents (so mid 80s).

Nobody gets cold in my house because we have thick carpets and I get cold easily so always make sure we're toasty!

That's why I don't think it's rude - nobody would feel uncomfortable. But I'd be pissed off if someone traipsed dog shit along my cream carpets.

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 12:57

My shoes are kept in the bottom of my wardrobe. I don't have any 'wardrobe rules' that would make storing shoes there problematic. HTH.

no, it doesn't really help, it sounds disgusting. If your shoes are not clean enough to be worn inside, then really they are not clean enough to be stored near your underwear.
Shoes don't belong in bedrooms. It shows how the "hygiene rule" of the shoes off, but they are fine under my pillow brigade is all in their head.

Or do you religiously disinfect your shoes before storing them maybe? Wow, that's commitment, but then I agree, that would make them clean enough.

DarlingNikita · 03/10/2019 12:58

I always thought it was just a messy or too small house and no space to put them anywhere else. Oh, that's good shade Grin My house is messy, certainly. I wouldn't say it was too small though.

Pretty sure it doesn't mean shoes-off in many houses though. Well, people pretty much always respond as I said in my house, is all I can say.

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 12:58

But I'd be pissed off if someone traipsed dog shit along my cream carpets.

I am always amazed by these posters whose family seem to forever walk in dog/fox/horse shit.

Sobeyondthehills · 03/10/2019 12:58

We came to blows over this

Sorry what do you mean? As in you were both hitting each other?

MonstranceClock · 03/10/2019 12:58

Who the help keeps their underwear in a wardrobe? Every single person I know keeps their shoes in the bottom of the wardrobe. That’s what they’re for.

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 12:59

Yes, manky slippers that have been worn by lots of other people. Yuck.

Cue lots of posters saying they wash theirs after one wash, which is both time consuming and wasteful.