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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask in-laws to remove their shoes

220 replies

KHE89 · 03/10/2019 11:38

I'm not a mum yet (sorry to be intruding) but i wanted to get a mum's perspective on this.
I grew up not wearing shoes in the house, and whenever I go to someone's house, I take my shoes off when i enter (unless told otherwise).
My husband and I don't wear shoes in our own home. However, my in-laws wear their shoes in my house when they come over. Yes they make an attempt to wipe their shoes on the mat, but come rain or shine, they keep their shoes on.
This bugs me. When i do become a mum, I want this to stop because i want to minimise the amount of dirt in the house. If the child is playing on the floor, i don't want shoe dirt in that area.
AIBU to want this, and want my husband to have my back on this, even if he doesn't agree to this? We came to blows over this, but I don't feel like it's unreasonable. Confused

OP posts:
Drabarni · 03/10/2019 13:17

Shoes off in one of our rooms, so guests can keep their shoes on normally. It's a pale carpet and shows every mark.

By the time babies are playing on the floor it's a waste of time sterilising anymore, and they need to pick up germs for their immune system.
Most places they play will be dirty.
Carpet at nursery, unless parents take their shoes off. Germs are rife at indoor play centres and ball pits.

CatteStreet · 03/10/2019 13:19

Where I live, shoes off, and baskets of guest slippers and/or thick socks just inside people's front doors, is normal. Cultural thing. I've even had workmen put those plastic bag shoe cover things over their boots (of their own accord) before coming in. I like it. I'd care a lot less about shoes on if dog owners didn't have the disgusting habit of letting their animals defecate in parks and on pavements and leaving it there.

YANBU, certainly with a small child (and I don't care about any class implications, tbh).

RueRue · 03/10/2019 13:20

Mid isn't the only thing on people's shoes. Most people have been in public toilets where there is god knows what all over. Mud is the least of your worries!
I was in your exact situation and I used to wait for my DH to ask in laws to take off shoes but it was too much hassle as he mostly forgot and it would drive me mad. One day when they came in I just said, we are not having shoes in the house anymore with the baby crawling around, would you mind taking them off please? And repeat as necessary until its a normal routine to take their shoes off when they come to ours.

anyoneseenmykeys · 03/10/2019 13:24

Anyone's disgust at the perfectly normal practice of keeping shoes at the bottom of the wardrobe is adding a new and exciting dimension though.

I suppose if that's where you store your dirty laundry too, it kind of make sense. Even in a studio flat, that's not something I would ever consider doing, bedroom wardrobes are for clean items in this house but hey, I am discovering a new world every day on this forum.

I am still trying to figure out why anyone would want to keep shoes in their bedroom though, but insist on people not wearing shoes at all inside.. that's truly funny Grin
I am picturing the guests being told to carry their shoes to the host's bedroom and safely store them in their wardrobes because "germs" and "dog poo" Grin Grin Grin

AndromedaPerseus · 03/10/2019 13:25

Tell them to take their shoes off or give them some overshoes to put on top. I hate shoes indoors all the dirt, spittle, dog muck etc on the streets been walked into the house. GRIM

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 13:25

I am still trying to figure out why anyone would want to keep shoes in their bedroom though, but insist on people not wearing shoes at all inside

I don't do this btw, I'm shoes on all the way. But I don't see any issue with it regardless.

whirlwinds · 03/10/2019 13:26

Found the working class is where shoes are on in the community we live in.... We have no shoes in our house, same for most friends and the whole family on both sides, it's the same for almost everyone I know. There is the oddball here and there that have shoes on in their home, all working class. Funny that. I would find it very rude if people did not take their shoes off when visiting. Most get the hint when coming through the door, no one is wearing outdoor shoes. Slippers, socks and the likes.

GymNovice · 03/10/2019 13:26

Thanks Laurie, I didn't post fast enough Grin

I don't know anyone who wears shoes inside.

TheTrollFairy · 03/10/2019 13:31

People remove their shoes before coming into mine. If they don’t I ask them to!
I remove my shoes in everyone’s houses - even if I’m told not to worry about it

angrylittlecat · 03/10/2019 13:32

@KHE89

The only people I know who insist on shoes-off are people who have grotty houses to be honest.

I'm not kidding. People with nice, clean houses, that are generally quite tidy, seem pretty cool with you just wiping your feet (shoes) on the doormat outside (and maybe the rug inside the hallway/porch.) The 3 sets of people I know who say 'shoes off' have quite smelly, unclean houses.

One couple we know has a house with a carpet that's been down since 1996 when the house was built. (They bought the house in 2014, and their mortgage is so high that they cannot afford to do anything to it, so it still has the original cream carpets that it's had for 23 years.)

Quite honestly, the carpet is so minging that when I get home I have to throw my socks in the wash, The house stinks too.. weird, stale, musty, and slightly cheesy. 🤢

It's laughable and quite annoying, when people ask you to take your shoes off before they enter your home, and their house is a shithole. Hmm

BlancoNita · 03/10/2019 13:32

I had this for years with my inlaws, mil refused after being asked nicely to take shoes off, we live in the country side and had gravel outside out house that would get muddy and dirty as we live in between a farm and field, and we had small kids , she refused, she actually said I don't ask you to take your shoes off in my house, her house was filthy and tiled so it was a different story.

Every single time, I would tell her to take off her shoes, she would refuse and then make a point of putting her feet up on my couch or furniture.

Myself and dh came to blows over it as whilst he agreed with me and also told her to take her shoes off, her blatent disregard caused serious stress everytime she called. She actually brought shit in on her shoes for a finish and I went beserk, to the point the kids actually said gran you need to take your shoes off in our house.

She passed away a couple of years back and I still laugh when I think back to how brazen she was. I feel bad for dh as she was so bold and even fil would get embarrassed but he was so henpecked by her that he would just stay quiet.

Cornishclio · 03/10/2019 13:33

We remove shoes both at home and at someone elses house unless they say otherwise. I would never ask a guest to remove them though if they didn't offer. Just run the hoover round afterwards and vax the carpets regularly. I would not worry about a baby being subjected to a bit of dirt. Good for their immune system.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 03/10/2019 13:35

Mid isn't the only thing on people's shoes. Most people have been in public toilets where there is god knows what all over. Mud is the least of your worries!

I hate to snap you out of your innocence, but that stuff from public toilets is everywhere. It's on the handle of your shopping trolley and shopping basket, it's on your money notes and coins, it's on every single door handle and hand rail on public transport and stations, on hands you shake and undoubtedly in many more places I cannot think of now.

Sammy867 · 03/10/2019 13:36

I really don’t care in my house. I don’t think dirt is a bad thing; I have a cat and dog and they trail in far more than just dirt. I hoover and have a carpet cleaner for spills and mop the hard floors. We hire a rug doctor just before summer and just before Christmas to give them a deeper clean as they’re cream.

If I went to someone else’s house I generally ask if they want me to remove them and I dont care either way

FfsGail · 03/10/2019 13:38

Just keep it light, text saying 'Just a heads up, bring slippers next visit as we're officially a non shoe household when baby gets here Grin '

LaurieMarlow · 03/10/2019 13:40

I remove my shoes in everyone’s houses - even if I’m told not to worry about it

This is very rude, btw.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 03/10/2019 13:41

Are you even pregnant, OP?

onanothertrain · 03/10/2019 13:43

If you want them to remove their shoes then you ask them. Did you really post here for the opinion of mums or for the opinion of folk who generally think in laws are fuckers?

BarbariansMum · 03/10/2019 13:44

I think shoes off is fine but you need to provide slippers, or at least let them keep a pair of slippers at yours.

RantyAnty · 03/10/2019 13:44

If you're a shoes off house then have slippers/slides and a proper bench and shoe rack by the door.

I hate carpet but when it used to be popular, you could immediately tell who wore shoes in the house and who didn't by their carpet.

Lovemusic33 · 03/10/2019 13:55

I always take my shoes off when going into someone’s house, it’s just habit because that’s what I do at home. I don’t always expect people to take their shoes off in my house, I have wood floors so I’m not too bothered but if I had nice carpet I would expect them too.

higgyhog · 03/10/2019 13:59

We don't usually wear our own outdoor shoes in the house, more for comfort than cleanliness. I cannot abide slippers, they are so ugly and detract from nice clothes, so it is bare feet or maybe just socks indoors.

If we have visitors I would never dream of asking or expecting them to take their shoes off. I normally find a pair of heels or best shoes to wear when we have visitors.

Bourbonbiccy · 03/10/2019 14:00

You are not unreasonable to not want shoes on your carpet, they are not unreasonable to visit less or not at all as they don't want to take their shoes off.

When you do become a mum, you will realise shoes on your carpet is not your top priority for your baby Wink

GooseFeather · 03/10/2019 14:02

I try to take my social cues from whether people I am visiting have shoes on or not, but dread being asked to comply. Not sure why, I just don't like it.

I had never come across the concept of shoes off houses until about 5 years ago. And most people I know still don't have this rule. We certainly don't and actually ask our visitors to keep them on downstairs, but we only have carpet upstairs. And we have a dog and a cat. If you have pets, being shoes off seems pointless to me.

Spidey66 · 03/10/2019 14:02

I remove my shoes in everyone’s houses - even if I’m told not to worry about it

If you came t my house and took your shoes off, I'd think you were weird and rude, TBH. I'd be thinking, ''ok you can make yourself at home....but not THAT much. This ain't your home!' I'd probably have words with the dog to run off with them. Maybe bribe her with a juicy bone if she hid them in her bed or something.