AIBU to ask in-laws to remove their shoes

[KHE89]

I'm not a mum yet (sorry to be intruding) but i wanted to get a mum's perspective on this.
I grew up not wearing shoes in the house, and whenever I go to someone's house, I take my shoes off when i enter (unless told otherwise).
My husband and I don't wear shoes in our own home. However, my in-laws wear their shoes in my house when they come over. Yes they make an attempt to wipe their shoes on the mat, but come rain or shine, they keep their shoes on.
This bugs me. When i do become a mum, I want this to stop because i want to minimise the amount of dirt in the house. If the child is playing on the floor, i don't want shoe dirt in that area.
AIBU to want this, and want my husband to have my back on this, even if he doesn't agree to this? We came to blows over this, but I don't feel like it's unreasonable.

I think you should let them wear shoes. If you were having a party or an official type visitor,

you wouldn't ask for shoes to be removed. I understand where you are coming from but wouldn't be pernickity about it with in laws.

YANBU to not want dirt from shoes on your floors that you will have to keep clearing up after visitors. Especially walking around in outdoor shoes if it's been raining?!

I wonder do those who don't remove shoes in their own or others houses (whichever) how do they feel about washing hands when entering a house which perhaps has young children?
Since the washing hands for guests might also come up for the OP.

I ask because the removing shoes/washing hands was not something I ever had to ask anyone. I never asked my family who did this all automatically. Probably since my sister had children before me and she had to deal with being the first to request those things around a new baby.
My MIL really did not like her son also asking her to wash her hands - oh dear!
It probably does make people feel like you are judging their cleanliness but visitors have just come from work or shopping and not washing their hands for hours. I would always wash my hands when visiting others whether they had children or not since i would likely be having tea/snacks anyway as a guest.

Just wait for when you have to go round moving hot mugs of tea away from your babies reach. Thats when the death stares really happen. But hopefully not.

If my shoes or boots are muddy I will take them off myself, but on a dry day and if I'm wearing nice shoes or sandals, then no.

I have some lovely antique rugs and I let my dogs walk on them and I don't harass my guests to take off their shoes.

My in laws dont even take their coats off when they come over let alone shoes.
Bit disconcerting having lunch and mil has a winter coat on even though house is heated and warm.

If you’re going to someone else’s house you should respect their culture and rules. Thankfully I’ve never met anyone so rude in real life that that needs to be reinforced.

How are you going to reinforce it, Monstrance? Forcefully remove someone shoes? Slam the door in their face? Go NC?

Can you imagine the Queen or the PM wearing slippers when receiving guests at Buckingham or No10?

Lol, that would be so funny. I picture her in those nice old granny, checked, bootee type slippers, complete with pom-poms.

Imagine shoeless people kneeling down to be knighted (or whatever the female equivalent is), with no shoes on? Especially if they had holey socks!

nobody has said it because unlike MN in the real world when you are asked to take your shoes off in someone else’s house it’s considered a reasonable request. If they did Push back I would insist. My house, my rules.

Even if they explained (as I have done, in the past) that without their heels their trousers will be too long and they will be tripping over them, @Teddybear45? Or that they feel really uncomfortable without shoes on in someone else's home (which I do - it just feels too ... sort of intimate to me, I suppose, like going round in your PJs or something).

If you’re going to someone else’s house you should respect their culture and rules. Thankfully I’ve never met anyone so rude in real life that that needs to be reinforced.

And I think that if you're hosting, it's rude to expect your guests to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable, which might include removing their shoes!

If you’re going to someone else’s house you should respect their culture and rules. Thankfully I’ve never met anyone so rude in real life that that needs to be reinforced.

Exactly. It also depends on where you live in terms of what's normal. I grew up in south London and no one ever took their shoes off. I now live more rurally and everyone automatically takes their shoes off. I can't imagine refusing to do it - how rude!

And I think that if you're hosting, it's rude to expect your guests to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable, which might include removing their shoes!

Don't be so silly, what if my guests were more comfortable putting their muddy shoes up on my sofa? Only a tiny minority of people are so OCD they can't take their shoes off. What on earth do they do when they take their kids places where no shoes is obligitory?

what if my guests were more comfortable putting their muddy shoes up on my sofa?

you really need to upgrade your circle of friends if that's such an issue.

You mean, a bit like upgrading your circle of friends by asking people to remove their shoes on entering your house @anyoneseenmykeys?

you really need to upgrade your circle of friends if that's such an issue.

Likewise if your friends can't take their shoes off when asked to!

If you don’t like it then fuck off basically. I wouldnt go to someone’s house and expect them to put up with what I want, it’s their house and rules.

Some people - particularly ones who haven't moved about much think they're normal is somehow better than someone else's. How do you think people in Japan manage? If you lived there would you just become a hermit because your shoes are superglued to your feet? No you'd suck it up and take your shoes off like a normal person. In some parts of the country it's normal to take your shoes off in others it's not. Any normal functioning adult will manage to adapt.

We live in a flat with cream carpets so we don't wear shoes indoors. People automatically take off their shoes when they come over, and if they don't then I ask politely. If I had wooden floors I wouldn't mind. I don't get why this is so controversial

@CripsSandwiches

I think it's different if you're in another country, it's very bad form not to respect the culture of the country you're visiting. But shoes off indoors isn't the cultural norm in the UK (if it was, there'd be no discussion to have!), so it's not really the same thing.

Can you compromise?

Make sure there’s a decent doormat to wipe their shoes on and remind them to use it?

And have a baby mat thing for your baby to lie on so no dirty shoes/ feet on that?

I think it's different if you're in another country, it's very bad form not to respect the culture of the country you're visiting. But shoes off indoors isn't the cultural norm in the UK (if it was, there'd be no discussion to have!), so it's not really the same thing.

Exactly. People are talking as if both sides are equally unreasonable. But actually it's only the shoes-off brigade who are being rigid and insisting their way is what everyone should do. I don't see any shoes-on people on here saying that they wouldn't take shoes off if requested to do so. They are just saying that they don't take shoes off in their house and wouldn't ask guests to do so.

I always take my shoes of hen entering someone’s home by I would never ran if ski g Simon to do it when they enter my house that would just be rude! I went to a tutors house last week with my daughter and before we even got in the door she told us please take shoes off.... i found it so rude such a cold thing to say when welcoming people to your home.
I wouldnt advise doing it OP particularly as it’s family too

If you don’t like it then fuck off basically.

Welcoming

I think the shoes-off brigade are only insisting that it's done in their own homes @lazylinguist. I dont think many of us care what happens in yours.

I don’t need to be welcoming to people who have no respect for my home.

I don’t need to be welcoming to people who have no respect for my home.

Lovely. I don't particularly like visiting people who have no respect for their friends comfort, so I guess that's us then