circumcision ... to be conflicted

[Forallyouknow]

Come from a culture where you have a boy = you get it done. Never paid much attention to it until - predictably - had a boy. Had a traumatic birth where baby nearly didn’t make it- he is well now. Literally as soon as he was home I’ve been pestered from every relative / acquaintance when we are having it done- they want a party where they give money to the child. I can’t bear to put him through intentional pain but it seems it’s a case of when rather than if... I don’t know anyone from the same culture who wouldn’t do it ( even the young ones) whilst I don’t mind going against the grain there’s a part of me that thinks we should- I don’t know why other than it’s just assumed you do it. Feel very conflicted over the whole thing. Unfortunately because it is normally celebrated with a big party everyone knows whether you have had it done or not so my plan to just hope no one notices whilst I decide hasn’t worked. Guess more wondering what others think of it than aibu...

I think it should be illegal unless medically necessary

I wouldn't do it as everyone else does. To me it is genital mutilation and you wouldn't do it if you had a girl would you? Medical reasons are totally understandable, but cultural not a chance. Some cultures cut off girls labias and sew their vaginas shut, doesnt make it right that the culturally do it.

Unless it’s done for a medical need it’s just wrong, regardless of the culture it’s wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

Absolutely not.

I don’t give a toss about “culture” it’s barbaric and has no place in modern society.

It’s about it was banned in the UK.

Genital mutilation and absolute nonsense

I think unless there is a medical need, it's a horrific thing to do to a perfect newborn child. The sooner such 'cultural' and 'religious' practices die out, the better.

You can be part of the problem or part of the solution.

I’d feel more conflicted inflicting a permanent change to my babies body because I felt I had to. I do appreciate it’s easy for me to say that as culturally I wouldn’t feel the same pressure from my family.

I agree it's unnecessary mutilation.

I think it's just so unnecessary and find it really sad that it's still done for anything other than medical need. I know different cultures have different views though and understand the pressure must be hard. In this day with the knowledge we have, I just dont think it should be allowed. I have 2 young boys and would never have put them through it (but I'm not in your cultural position). If you dont want to do it, dont. It'll get talked about maybe, but it'll blow over. Ride the storm and be strong.

I think it is morally wrong, you have to live by your morals though and there will be a lot of pressure to conform. What does your partner think?

Two of my 3 sons were circumcised for medical reasons when they were about 4, because they were having trouble peeing, infections etc.
My third son didn’t have any medical problems, so no operation.

Personally I wouldn’t be pressurised into doing it for any other reason than medical, but I’m not particularly religious and my faith doesn’t demand it.

Why not do some internet research to evaluate the risks involved. I think I read that in America there has been quite a few botched operations.

As above - medical necessity only.
Genital mutilation should be banned regardless of sex.
But stand by for those who say it's up to the parents /culture etc to cut bits off their little boys.

Be brave and go against the grain. Your baby would rather have a foreskin than a party.

Would your family treat him any differently if he didn't have it done?

Maybe hold a ‘yay my baby’s penis is still complete’ party instead!

it seems it’s a case of when rather than if

Um, no. Fuck that. You’re his mother. Don’t let anyone cut bits off your precious, beautiful, perfect baby boy who’s already been through a lot in his short life. Trust your instinct to protect him from all unnecessary pain and put him above cultural pressure.

I don't understand for a second why anyone, having had a baby, would then willingly choose to inflict pain on that baby by cutting off a perfectly healthy part of their anatomy for NO medical reason.

Just - why? Stop and think about it for a moment. I have a boy and cannot imagine saying to him: "Oh yes, we chopped that bit off you when you were too young to understand or consent because all our thought we should. But if all your mates want you to smoke, drink or take drugs, just remember - don't give into peer pressure!"

Mutilation like this is abusive bar any legitimate medical reason.

Unless for medical reasons don't do it.
Will your partner back you up?

Definitely not. If my parents mutilated me in such a way I would never forgive them. Culture or not and as others have said, it's about time It's banned

I also come from a culture where circumcision is expected, and not to do it is seen as fairly horrifying. I did not have either of my sons circumcised.

Thankfully I live in a different country to most of my relatives (and all of the most traditional ones), so we have been able to avoid the issue rather. It helps that my parents are supportive of my decision.

Do what you believe is right. I think you know in your heart what that is.

No way would I do that to my little boy.

On MN you'll get a unanimous "no, medical reasons only" response.

I understand the conflict - I'm Jewish and if we had a son we'd be asked (though I don't think pressured) about circumcision. In my case I got to the point where I thought, look, I'm as lax a Jew as they come, so I'm balancing this biblical requirement against my real lived experience in 21st C. Britain. And I wouldn't do it. BUT, outside of MN, lots of people do, and there is that cultural pressure. Please don't do it because you've been ground down/talked into it, that certainly isn't good enough.

This is genital mutilation. No more and no less. Would you allow this to be done to your daughter if you had one? What if someone had mutilated your genitals as a baby or young girl? How would you feel?
If people don't start saying no, then this dreadful practice will just carry on. You're his mum and you need to stand up and be counted and say NO!

You'e conflicted because chopping off a part of your baby boy's penis is henious.

I was 'pressurised' into doing this with Ds1, as his Df couldn't be bothered to be around for the 'Briss' I think that's how you spell it the Rabbi? would not do it without support for me. Ds has been very grateful that it did not go ahead. It is completely unnecessary. Look after your child.