circumcision ... to be conflicted

[Forallyouknow]

Come from a culture where you have a boy = you get it done. Never paid much attention to it until - predictably - had a boy. Had a traumatic birth where baby nearly didn’t make it- he is well now. Literally as soon as he was home I’ve been pestered from every relative / acquaintance when we are having it done- they want a party where they give money to the child. I can’t bear to put him through intentional pain but it seems it’s a case of when rather than if... I don’t know anyone from the same culture who wouldn’t do it ( even the young ones) whilst I don’t mind going against the grain there’s a part of me that thinks we should- I don’t know why other than it’s just assumed you do it. Feel very conflicted over the whole thing. Unfortunately because it is normally celebrated with a big party everyone knows whether you have had it done or not so my plan to just hope no one notices whilst I decide hasn’t worked. Guess more wondering what others think of it than aibu...

Don't chop bits off of your baby. This is definitely something to make a stand over.

Watch American Circumcision on Netflix, it has a lot of arguments for and against.

Personally I think if a person wants to be circumcised for religious or cultural reasons they should make that decision for themselves as a consenting adult.

Would you let someone cut off a bit of his ear? Or his tongue? Or a finger? No, you wouldn't, so don't get bits chopped off his penis.

It's cutting part of a child's healthy genitals off
We rightly changed female circumcisions to FGM. I'm not sure why we don't protect boys in the same way.

The only thing that bothers me is that if it became illegal then more children will suffer from unsanitary procedures not don't by qualified professionals.

You feel conflicted about this because it feels wrong to you. Listen to yourself and trust your instincts.

Your baby is not able to consent to this procedure, so it is your responsibility to make choices with his best interests at heart. Do you honestly believe a circumcision is for his benefit?

Or maybe consider if any adult men would happily consent to this procedure, excepting when medically necessary or advised.

It’s good people are starting to see this as worth reconsidering. When a relative suggested I got DS circumcised, I told her I was going to wait until he was old enough to decide about it himself. She said “that’s ridiculous, he’d never do it “ and I said “exactly “!

Resist any aspect of ‘culture’ which requires the genital mutilation of children. Your baby needs you to stick up for him, OP.

Please don’t

Of course you shouldn't be making permanent modifications to someone else's body without their consent. Why do your friends and family think it's their business what's in your son's pants? Tell them your leaving him to make the decision for himself when he's an adult.

Be brave and stand up for your little boy - give him the choice when he's older - dine follow culture like a sheep, be that person who says actually no, I won't

Channel Princess Diana, she stopped this royal tradition when her sons were born

it seems it’s a case of when rather than if

So tell them: “when he decides to have it done”

I think it’s easy for those of us in the UK where it’s the norm to be uncircumcised Not to take into account the pressure to conform if you’re from a culture/religion that does circumcise. Hopefully one day it won’t be done unless necessary. I would feel absolutely awful if I were you and went ahead just to please everyone else - and not your child.

When a relative suggested I got DS circumcised, I told her I was going to wait until he was old enough to decide about it himself. She said “that’s ridiculous, he’d never do it “ and I said “exactly “!

There aren't enough facepalm emojis in the world for your relative!

Absolutely no way. How can you even consider bowing to the pressure just because of tradition. Get a back bone. Break the pattern

I’m firmly of the opinion that religion should be a choice made by an adult for themselves. So perhaps this choice could be left to him to make when he is older. Unless of course a medical issue means a doctor has to do this operation for the child.

I’d not be conflicted if my theoretical son and I were living in the U.K - it’s not normal here and unless you’re very religiously Muslim or Jewish I don’t think there’s any justification for circumcision “for culture.” I have to admit though: living in the US I would be, because it’s so much the norm, and uncircumcised penises are generally considered disgusting by most women, I’d worry my theoretical son would have a terrible time as a young man if not circumcised.

If you say no, you're not just helping your son, you'll be helping other parents to say no too.
Tradition, culture and religion are not reasons to chop off part of a child's penis.

My DS had to be circumcised for medical reasons - we really had no choice.

Recently I head a young guy on the radio discussing the life altering complications that he has suffered since having a religious circumcision as a baby. He has endured several surgeries to try and correct the damage that he has suffered. The programme featured other young men with similar issues.

I was quite upset listening to the stories and had to check with my DS (now 20) that all was ok and functioning fine. (We are a very open family, but thought it was worth checking - verbally at least!). Once he stopped laughing, he said all was fine and he was glad he is circumcised. Phew!

If he did have problems, I would have felt so guilty, even though we had to had the operation - in a hospital with anesthetic I should add.

But would I encourage anyone to take that risk knowing what I know now? No way! If it is not necessary, do not do it.

What would you be willing to have cut off for the sake of a tradition?

I went against the daily grain. PIL never let it go. I asked DH if I could start discussing his mother’s vagina at the dining table seeing as our family members genitalia is no1 hot topic of the day, and not surprisingly they left me alone after that.

It’s mostly forgotten about now. People will be very interested in his penis for a while and then forget. And think about that for a while - how odd it is that people even care about a new borns willy. And how little they care in a few years time, but how much it will matter to your LO. It’s his body, not yours, not anyone else’s. Don’t fuck it up.

Family grain

I don’t care what your culture is, cutting off a part of your child’s body is horrifying.

I would only ever consider doing it for two reasons - medical necessity, or possibly if we lived in a country with a high prevalence of HIV, as circumcision reduces the risk of transmission.

In the UK for a healthy child? It should be illegal.

The most important job you have in the whole world now, is protecting your baby boy. Not pandering to your family/in-laws.

Don't do it. Your instincts are correct, and you will regret it if you ignore them.

You wouldn't geniatlly mutilate a daughter, so why would you genitally mutilate a son?

Your poor little baby boy. How you can even consider doing this to him is beyond comprehension.