circumcision ... to be conflicted

[Forallyouknow]

Come from a culture where you have a boy = you get it done. Never paid much attention to it until - predictably - had a boy. Had a traumatic birth where baby nearly didn’t make it- he is well now. Literally as soon as he was home I’ve been pestered from every relative / acquaintance when we are having it done- they want a party where they give money to the child. I can’t bear to put him through intentional pain but it seems it’s a case of when rather than if... I don’t know anyone from the same culture who wouldn’t do it ( even the young ones) whilst I don’t mind going against the grain there’s a part of me that thinks we should- I don’t know why other than it’s just assumed you do it. Feel very conflicted over the whole thing. Unfortunately because it is normally celebrated with a big party everyone knows whether you have had it done or not so my plan to just hope no one notices whilst I decide hasn’t worked. Guess more wondering what others think of it than aibu...

Don't let the relatives harp on about it. Every time they bring it up, make it very clear that it's not up for discussion because you are not subjecting your child to a barbaric practice for the sake of some sort of religious superstition and giving them an excuse for a knees-up.

@autumncolours9 I should have made clear that I have no issue with circumcision for medical reasons.

Don’t hurt your son to prove you are a good daughter.

Why would you mutilate your perfect child's genitals?

It's bloody barbaric and should be illegal in the same way female genital mutilation is

Infant genital mutilation is completely indefensible and should be outlawed.

Nobody should have a piece of their anatomy cut away for no medical reason until they are old enough to make their own decision.

I have absolutely no issues with men being circumcised for cultural or religious reasons if that is their choice on or after their 18th birthday.

Yes I understand people usually consider medical reasons is OK. I still feel bad for DS even though we had no choice and exhausted the conservative options. The criteria for NHS circumcision is extremely strict. So strict that even after almost being categorised and continued A and E trips and potential of kidney damage and sepsis, we still waited ages to get it done.

*catheterised

And make it clear that if any of them arrange to have it done, you will involve the police

There is no conflict. You are considering chopping off a functional part of your son's body so your family and friends can have a party. He relies on you to protect him. Do it.

From a concerned mum of 4 boys.

What is the source of conflict OP? There is no justification to hold down and assault a crying baby by way of the visceral and painful mutilation of their genitals. The practice is utterly vulgar. There is a reason it is done under anaesthesia if required for medical purposes (which is the only thing that should be legal IMO). The opinion or other people or the prospect of disappointing people who wanted it wouldn't tempt me to do it. What a thing to ask for of a baby, in the name of inclusion.

You can be respectful of a culture or religion without this OP. Your son can choose to have it done in later life if he wishes, having you know....consented.

Be brave OP. You know you don't have to do this so don't. Rates in the US are falling rapidly because they have woken up to the fact that this is mutilation and it's barbaric doing it to a baby/child without medical need.

Autumn Colours, I am sorry to hear your experience. We consented to a circumcision for our son, for medical reasons, but fortunately he only needed a prepuceplasty as it turned out. Despite both his father and grandfather having been circumcised for the same reason and him having suffered several infections it was only when we brought the matter up with the schools paediatrician that we were able to persuade the NHS to act, our GP wanted to wait until he was 14!

OP, I'm with others, I cannot support circumcision for non medical reasons by parental choice. It isn't your body, it is your son's and it should be his decision to make when he is of age.

Your family are pressuring you to circumcise so they can justify their own warped reasons for doing it. It's a self perpetuating thing until someone is brave enough to put a stop to it, and stand up for your own son's bodily autonomy.

If you don't do it, who else will!

It reduces sensation for grown men, it is totally unnecessary (unless for medical reasons and it is genital mutillation, without consent. Surely an obvious choice?

I remember (as an adult) being confused by the requirement for
‘lube’ in American films like American Pie but they think it’s standard - you only need that because there is no foreskin, those men had no choice. Hopefully an antiquated and very odd choice that will die out in time and future generations will hear of it and find it hard to believe that people did it on purpose for no reason!

I can’t believe in 2019 it’s still acceptable to mutilate a little boy’s penis.

Barbaric.

I would judge no one for having this done for medical reasons.
Other than that it is just genital mutilation that has no place in a modern society.
Can you have a naming ceremony instead?

I think it's child abuse

There is only one view about this on MN. And tbh for rather good reasons.

I had my son circumcised. I bitterly regret it. You genuinely don't have to. Circumcision did not make my son Jewish (I'm not assuming that's the culture you're talking about) and not being circumcised would not have stopped him being Jewish, and it was the rabbi that told me that.

My heart goes out to you. Practice saying something neutral like 'Not at the moment' and hold your line.

Absolutely stick with your guns and don't do it. Many people are no longer doing it for cultural reasons, it isn't enough of a reason to do this to a baby. Unless medically necessary it shouldn't be allowed. I imagine there are many in your culture who aren't doing it anymore. Be strong!

@TemporaryPermanent I hope OP listens to you & you are right - there is only one view on MN because thankfully, at least on the whole, it is finally something that is being recognised for what it is. Like so many things (homophobia, racism etc) that happened in the past but society has come to the correct realisation that it isn’t ok & it’s brave of you to acknowledge what happened and admit your regret.

When you don’t grow up in a culture where the ‘norm’ is something unacceptable it must be hard to stand your ground & unfortunately you found your voice too late, but with any luck your words might help to make the OP make the right choice.

Please don't do it.

There can't be anything which justifies removing part of a child's sex organs when it's not a medical necessity.

Stick to your guns, your child, your decision... End of.

Just say ‘no, it’s child abuse’ assertively over and over again. They will soon stop (I speak from experience here).

I wouldn't do it. It seems very wrong to do something irreversible to another persons body without their consent. It's your sons foreskin not yours and he should decide what happens to it. You and your husband don't own it.

Feeling pressurised into doing it because of tradition and culture is weak willed and silly.

You can have a party anyway.

I have to admit though: living in the US I would be, because it’s so much the norm, and uncircumcised penises are generally considered disgusting by most women

What!!!! That's simply not true!