To not want to give more

[SummerTime12345]

So a friend is getting married very soon. They have asked for money for their honeymoon - which obviously doesn't bother me if that's what they want!
I just don't know what to give. We have only met this year but have become very close and see each other a couple of times a week. I'm going to the full wedding day and I went on the hen do. But I don't know what to give!
Help!

What can you afford?

For a full wedding day, the start off is usually £30, going up, if that's affordable. If it isn't anything from £10.

We've always done between £200 to £300 when it's cash depending on how close we are with the couple.

That is for 2 of us going to the wedding though. If I was by myself £100-150 tops. The way we calculate it is what they've spent her head (around us is £75-100 London) x 2 so we reimburse what they spent but leave them extra

Not going to lie I was hoping £20 would suffice I'm not very well if 😒

A gift is separate to what they’ve chosen to spend on your attendance. So don’t worry about taking that into account. I find it so bizarre when people factor in ‘they spent £50 per head so i’ll give that plus money on top so they’re not just breaking even’. They’re choosing to throw an expensive event because it’s what they want. You don’t have any obligation to pay them back for what they’ve spent on your meal etc. lol. Just getting that in now as these threads often get a bit weird with people misunderstanding etiquette thinking they’re being polite but going way OTT.

What can you afford? Personally I usually give £20. They won’t be expecting anything more, especially from a relatively new friend who’s already spending money and time to attend and celebrate their ceremony and the hen do. And anyone who did judge a gift as lacking is showing themselves to be a dick anyway.

If you can’t afford £20 give £10. I wouldn’t personally go lower than a tenner in a card but again, go with what you can afford. You’ll be one of many in a sea of guests giving cash, they’re not gonna scrutinise. £50 is incredibly generous IMO and excessive unless you really genuinely want to give that much.

Oh cross post. £20 is great! Write something like you hope they have a few drinks on you. Sounds nice when you kinda link the cash with something you imagine they might buy with it.

But if £20 isn’t comfortable don’t skint yourself, give £10!

We got married a couple weeks ago, and husband’s mum and a few siblings all clubbed together and gave us £270. We both thought that was incredibly kind and generous of them, and they’re immediate family. My own dad and stepmum gave us approx £200. Again, both felt that was super generous. We didn’t expect a penny, just appreciated people’s time and warm wishes :)

I’m with @stanski - you cover at least what meal cost plus extra. So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.

I do not understand people that say a tenner or a cheap bottle of champagne will suffice. I do understand that some people have tighter budgets than others, but you normally have notice of a wedding and most could probably stretch to something more (or buy something nice online fairly cheap, even if only a few pounds, but looks more expensive). I love to give gifts, but not receive and we asked for no gifts, just people to turn up and we ended up with loads of £’s and gifts 🤦‍♀️ but it was lovely people cared.

OMG at the idea of giving £1000!!! Even £200 I’m pretty surprised at. And how odd to calculate it based on what you think they’ve spent as if you are paying to attend their wedding?! A gift is just that, a gift. Give what you can afford. Personally I’d give about £50 to a non-close friend and around £100 to very close friend or family.

Crikey, our entire wedding cost about £2000. A cash gift of £1000 would’ve been disproportionate!

£20 in a card is fine. Don’t buy a physical gift if they’ve specified they don’t want any (we asked our mates to recycle gifts they owned already but didn’t want, we got some hilarious stuff, sets of 80s cut glass wine glasses and sets of guest soap 😂)

I normally give around £50 for a wedding present, but have given £20 when skint before. The amount some people give seem astronomical to me!

A grand

“I’m with @stanski - you cover at least what meal cost plus extra. So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.”

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I’m with @stanski - you cover at least what meal cost plus extra. So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.

That's a tacky and very American way of doing things. Not the norm in the UK at all.

“I’m with @stanski - you cover at least what meal cost plus extra. So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.”

. This can’t be real. If it is you do realise most people live in the real word don’t you? Or did you just want a bit of a stealth boost so we can know how wealthy you are

£50 and a nice card. Your friend will be very pleased with that.

I hope you enjoy the wedding and your friend has lovely day.

“That's a tacky and very American way of doing things. Not the norm in the UK at all.”

Funnily enough, it’s normal in my circle, but just because it’s not “normal” in your circle doesn’t mean it’s not “normal” to others. I’m Scottish born and raised and my entire family do this, thus I was brought up thinking this was normal and not American.

To those that think it’s a stealth boast - get over yourself - the OP asked for opinions, I told OP what we do (and have posted same on similar threads), just because you think it’s ridiculous doesn’t mean it is.

I find MN get very down on people who have been successful (and apparently I am the devil incarnate for daring to own rental properties according to another thread).

OP - the £1000 is for siblings. Thankfully I have only one, but my husband has five and some have married twice, so it’s cost a fortune, but we feel money well spent.

Put what you want in the card as you seem to only want opinions that match your expectations.

I’d give £50 tops. You lot must be loaded.

Agree with stanski and scotsinoz. I’m not wealthy but £10 or £20 is just cheap imo.

I too have only ever heard of the concept of paying back what was spent on your meal on Mumsnet. For starters, how would anyone have a clue how much a wedding costs? Do you start ringing the venue and asking for quotes? Also, it's illogical to me because it implies that someone you barely know who has a lavish wedding 'deserves' a bigger gift than someone who is close to you but chose a more modest wedding.

It's a gift. You give what you can afford. No one should, for example, be wracking up an overdraft to pay for a huge present for someone else. And any bride and groom who would expect someone to are pretty unpleasant.

For a newish friend, I'd give £50

That's a tacky and very American way of doing things. Not the norm in the UK at all.

Not the norm in the US, either, by the way. I suspect it's less a matter of where you live and more the circles you move in. Among the wealthy that may be typical, but Mumsnet is the only place I've seen people suggesting that you have to cover the cost of your meal/favors/entertainment in the price of your gift! The wedding is paid for by the couple or their families. They determine how much they pay (and should live within their means). Why should their poor guests be forced to buy an expensive gift because the happy couple wanted to live it up?

I'm American and I have never in my life heard of 300 pounds being normal for a distant work colleague's wedding present. On the other hand, 10 pounds does seem pretty damned cheap.

I certainly wouldn’t match the gift to the cost of the reception. It would be desperately unpleasant to give an expensive gift to those who can afford or wish to prioritise an expensive wedding and a cheap gift to those who cannot.

We give in the realm of £100 for everyone. If we could not afford that we would give less. If £20 is what you can afford, give that. Decent people will be grateful.

If they’re worth keeping as friends they’ll understand that you don’t have a lot of funds going spare and appreciate anything you give