To not want to give more

[SummerTime12345]

So a friend is getting married very soon. They have asked for money for their honeymoon - which obviously doesn't bother me if that's what they want!
I just don't know what to give. We have only met this year but have become very close and see each other a couple of times a week. I'm going to the full wedding day and I went on the hen do. But I don't know what to give!
Help!

Thing is, do the bride and groom sit there with a tick chart afterwards working out who “covered their plate” and who didn’t?

“Hmm well Aunty Sylvia only gave us a tenner so she owes us £54, but Karen and Bill gave us £200 so that’ll cover that....” I mean really??

Those of you who do give large amounts, don’t you ever think that the bride and groom should have just spent a lot less on entertaining you in the first place? Cut out the middleman so to speak, and spent the cost of your dinner on their honeymoon?

£50. 20 or 10 is pretty cheap

HennyPenny god forbid you do something American . What's tacky is determining that other people are tacky.

20s fine if you're just attending the evening

Some of the answers here 😂.

I’m single and on a pretty low wage. If I was going to a wedding on my own for a new friend, I’d give £20 and write out a nice card.

Don’t worry about it. Have a great time!

I’d give £50. £100 for family members.

I don’t hold truck with the reimbursing them for what they spent on you, surely they invite you to celebrate with them because they want you there, not because they expect the money back!

I know the OP asked for advice but very quickly said she was hoping £20 would be fine and that she isn't well off. They must be feeling really crap now on reading some of these responses.

There are so many comments on here not relating cash gifts to what a guest can afford. It shouldn't be based on expectations or how miserly you may be seen to be.

It would be lovely if couples just wanted guests to join them in celebrating their special day and requested no gifts (including no cash). Wouldn't it be nice if expectations were reduced to receiving a nice card with lovely sentiments?

Guests often have to spend a lot on attending weddings anyway in terms of travel, childcare and clothing. I think the Bride & Groom often don't consider how much it costs for guests to attend the wedding. Kitting out a family to attend a wedding when you are on National Minimum Wage must be very expensive and stressful.

Op I have a solution for you ...the day before the wedding get your friend something personal..a gift from you just for her...be it a nice bikini for her honeymoon or a special anything.Then say I know you will have lots on the wedding day so I chose to do something just for you from me cos you mean the world to me.You could buy something in the sales and wrap it beautifully. You could even buy a nice afternoon tea or something for you both to look forward to for a catch up when she returns...it can be anything it doesnt have to be money in a card.I am sure your friend knows you and you both mean a lot to each other so she may well love that you have done something for her and just her ...just a thought .

I’m with @stanski - you cover at least what meal cost plus extra. So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.

I am proper laughing at this hilarious 🤣

I’d never spend those amounts on anyone and nor did anyone on us! I’d have been horrified if they had

Just to add one of the nicest things I ever recieved was an ipod..a cheap pink ipod which my brother had loaded with all my favourite songs to take away with me..it meant so much....cost him about 15.00 and it was perfect...

£50

but my husband has five and some have married twice, so it’s cost a fortune, but we feel money well spent.

Really? £1000 pissed up the wall on a marriage that didn’t even last? If that’s what you consider “money well spent” I’d love to see what wasting it looks like!

Nicest present I had was from group of friends who took a Polaroid camera, took pics on the night, created an album, and gave it to me in the morning

There is no way I would be giving anything over a £100. If they have about 50 guests giving that, they would get around £5000. Plenty for a nice honeymoon.

Presumably your friend knows you aren’t loaded. £30 sounds a decent amount. Are you and your partner going?

We had what I would call an 'average' wedding. 100ish guests mixed from students to high payed managers etc. Gifts ranged from £0-£150 basically reflecting their positions and we viewed them all equally. Your friend has invited you for you not your gift. Ok if you earn £50K a year she might think you are skimping with a tenner but knowing that you aren't well of I am sure any gift will be appreciated.

Agree with Rachelover60.
That`s the amount me and h were given when we got married 5 years ago.
We were delighted.

For me it would all depend on your wealth (sorry can't think of another word for it), if you're a single, stay at home mum then £20 would be more than reasonable, if you and your dh both earn good money then £50 is reasonable. I wouldn't go above £50 unless you and your dh are very well off.

We gave our son (my step son) £250 but my dh earns ok money and we hadn't paid anything towards the wedding so wanted to give them something for their honeymoon.

Are you going to have to fork out for a hotel for the night or not? That too would factor in how much I gave them

I'd not compare it to how much per head they are paying for the wedding. That's very much up to them and what type of wedding they want. You don't charge your guests in the form of gifts to attend (although reading mn you'd think some do)

I’m with @stanski and @ScotsinOz

And I am 😂😂😂 at all these people pretending they go to weddings and give a homemade jar of jam or a picture frame or a £20 John Lewis voucher as a day guest.
It’s just a lie... which is not helpful to the OP.
Saying £20 or a bottle of Prosecco cuts the mustard is just not true.

£50 per person would be the minimum spend. If you were an evening guest only £25 would be okay just about...

As context a friend’s wedding last summer we gave them a £150 gift (between two) and my cousins wedding we gave €500 as a couple

I cannot understand the contradiction that is mumsnet sometimes

Most people at my wedding gave between 20-50 and I appreciated it.

OP there's a load of people on MN who come onto every one of these posts shouting about how you MUST pay at least what the meals worth. It's bollocks, pay what you can afford. I have never in all my life seen anyone do this and I've been to literally hundreds of weddings, nearly all of which have been traveller weddings where people enjoy outdoing each other and they still don't do this. Of course I've seen people give hundreds of ££, but not because they've in any way related it to what's been spent for them to attend.

It’s all relative. Someone who gives £20 that they can ill afford is giving far more than someone who gives £1000 that they can easily afford.

I’m getting married this month to my partner of 28 years. We’ve invited our 10 closest friends, spent a decent amount per head and have made it clear that we don’t want gifts, just their presence to celebrate with us.
I don’t want my friends fretting about how much they should give us!

Weddings should be a celebration not a fundraiser.

Wow, some of the replies here. So if you're skint, you're not allowed nights out. Realistically, if you can afford £20, that's fine. Ignore those who can't wrap their heads around the fact that £20 can be quite a lot of money for some, me included.

I think it's really crass to suggest that you should match the cost of your meal and then add a bit. As others have said, you're not buying tickets to an event and it's the couple's choice as to whether they want (or can afford) an expensive wedding. Would you really give less to a couple who have a small informal bash than you'd give to a couple who had gone all out for a big celebration? I wouldn't.

Just give what you can afford, OP. If they're decent people, they will accept all gifts, big or small, with gratitude and without judgement.

OP, I (and all decent people) would hate for a guest to be agonising over how much money to give as a present - whatever you can comfortably afford is perfect, don't give it a second thought.

Ignore every single person saying to pay for your plate or make a minimum amount - it's unrealistic, tacky and places no value on friendship.