To not want to give more

[SummerTime12345]

So a friend is getting married very soon. They have asked for money for their honeymoon - which obviously doesn't bother me if that's what they want!
I just don't know what to give. We have only met this year but have become very close and see each other a couple of times a week. I'm going to the full wedding day and I went on the hen do. But I don't know what to give!
Help!

£20 is fine. I thought that was lovely from anyone who attendee my wedding.
£200, £300 plus?! Fuck off.

In those situations, I work on a general rule of "paying for my meal, plus a nice meal out for the couple." Usually comes to around £60-£80, plus or minus a bit, depending how much I like them, and how flush I'm currently feeling.

Give what you can honestly afford/won't miss. Then don't give it another thought.

I think you give what you can afford. If you are close enough then the recipient will understand the intent of a smaller gift and, if the don't, then they are just grabby and aren't much of a friend.

I'm sick of the expense, exhibitionism and competion that weddings and hen parties have become.
What happened to we want to declare our love and commitment with our friends and family and for them to share our happiness.
And don't get me started onextravagant and numerous hen parties.

@Totalwasteofpaper

And I am 😂😂😂 at all these people pretending they go to weddings and give a homemade jar of jam or a picture frame or a £20 John Lewis voucher as a day guest.
It’s just a lie... which is not helpful to the OP.
Saying £20 or a bottle of Prosecco cuts the mustard is just not true

What an utter load of bollocks. In
The real world, of course people do this. When I got married we got bottles of wine and money from £15 upwards. All of which I was chuffed to bits with. Of course it cuts the mustard. Or you must be going to some very exclusive weddings

This is why asking for money is so vulgar. It puts the guest in an embarrassing position.

It would be perfectly possible to spend £20 on a great gift that was in the sale for example so that the value was greater than the expense.

Saying £20 or a bottle of Prosecco cuts the mustard is just not true.

Then I would suggest that your circle of friends is not a particularly nice one.

We had the full range of presents at our wedding, from lavish gifts to token offerings. I was just glad that everyone was able to join us for our special day.

What do you even mean when you say that a smaller gift would not "cut the mustard". Are you saying that you'd judge someone who brought a smaller gift? Stop being friends with them? Go NC with them if it was a family member? Bring it up in future arguments? Harbour a resentment for evermore? Or what?

I'm thankful that my friends and family don't really care about material stuff in that way. We'd be mortified at the idea of someone stressing because they could not afford to give a "big enough" gift.

I'd go with £50 for a close friend, £25 for a second marriage and a bottle of fizz if you're just going to the night do.

Why on earth would you try and cover what the bride and groom have spent on the meal? That's totally up to them and more fool them if they spend far too much and need to try and recoup the cost back.

There seems to be this idea that people on low incomes should never socialise or celebrate because they are 'too poor' to do so. If this couple are your friends, they presumably know that you are not loaded, and if they are nice people, they might actually be worried if you gave them a big bag of money in case it leaves you short.
£20 in a nice card is fine. If they actually complain to you or ask for more, they are horrible people.

If invited to the whole thing £50. 10-20 quid in cash I think is mean so If i could only afford that I'd buy a present instead.

I mean - the correct answer is 'it depends'. What are your circumstances - her circumstances - how much can you afford etc. Asking for advice will get you a huge range of answers because people are in a huge range of situations. What is right for them might not be right for your context.

Will this be anonymous? If you're buying off a wedding list thats ok, but just cash feels cold and having it personally identifiable suggests a potential for one-upmanship or pressure to keep up with what the going rate is (which nobody knows).

Unless they've provided some guidelines?

@Totalwasteofpaper I want to be annoyed at what you've written, but I just feel very sad for you. What your life must be to think in such a narrow minded way or the kind of people you must be surrounded by.

It depends on what you can afford. If you can afford £1000 give that, if you can afford £20 give that.

There are definitely cultural differences and I've noticed that Irish, Scottish, and Indian guests tend to expect to give more money whereas many English people I've spoken to expect much less.

As someone organising a wedding I promise I'm inviting people and paying for their meal and drinks because I like them and want them to join me in celebrating my marriage. I don't care how much people give but I like to get a card and for people to come for the day as I see it as a sign of regard for me. I'd hate for someone not to show up or put themselves in financial difficulty because of gift expectations.

I think £20-50 is probably around the normal range. Most people/couples gave us £20-30 I think. We also had a fair few people just give us a card - honestly I was so pleased that they'd listened when we said we really didn't expect any gifts and that they didn't stretch themselves further financially, having already incurred the expense of attending the wedding.

Equally we had people (including most of our closest friends) who bought small but thoughtful gifts (framed photos and the like).

As you can see from this thread, practice varies hugely (£1000???) so just give what you can comfortably afford. Personally I think anything more than £50 is totally excessive if it's not immediate family and would have been really uncomfortable if any of my friends had gifted us that. Your friend has invited you because they want you there, not because they want to make money out of you.

If you know where they're going on honeymoon, then giving the money in that currency I'd quite a nice thing to do as well :) with a note to enjoy a cocktail on you or similar.

I got married 6 weeks ago. Our gifts ranged from £20 to £500 from close family. Wouldn't judge anyone with that they gave us! I wanted them at my wedding to celebrate with us not to contribute anything

£20 in a nice card will be fine OP, in our circle £50 a couple is the done/agreed amount but lots of people gave us £10 and £20 and we are incredibly grateful for everything we got! No one gave us more than £150.
The pay for your seat mentality is stupid, if I wanted to 'break even' from wedding guests I would have just not invited anyone.
Also worth saying that although we said we didn't want any gifts, it was actually really nice to have a couple of bits to open the next day. We got a cute slate hanging heart that I secretly love and a welsh marriage spoon tea towel which is a quirky but practical memento of the day.
Card is the priority though, that's what we're keeping. The money is all gone (honeymoon) but we had some really special cards especially the handmade ones that we're going to hold on to.

I wouldn't be giving more than £20 to anyone tacky enough to ask for cash.

And no one should be throwing a party, wedding or otherwise, expecting their invited guests to pay up for what was spent on them by their hosts. If its not a fucking ticketed event, don't act like it is.

I;m going to the wedding of a friend's daughter. I've known the friend since I was 7 and her daughter since birth.

I'm skint and will be giving £20 or maybe £30 if I'm flush that week.

This is really making me consider remarrying after all ... @stanski will you be my bridesmaid? You can invite as many of your rich friends as you like, too?

Choose family £50. Anyone else £30.

So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.

@ScotsinOz - 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I do not think your levels of gift giving are the norm. At all. Bet you get asked to a lot of weddings!!

Most people at our wedding last year gave £30-£40 - we hadn't asked for gifts so found it really strange to be randomly given money! And our siblings didn't get us anything, at our request. We chose to throw the party we did, I would NEVER expect a guest to cover the cost of their attendance, they've already had to shell out in travel and accommodation in most cases.

£20 is fine @SummerTime12345 - give what you want to and are able to afford (in that order). There's no obligation.

50 minimum - £100 a couple.

Very close friends more !

Could you give them the card with cash a bit later??

We went to a wedding in July and only gave be card with the cash last week ! That meant it was saved up over time rather than having one very expensive event in one pay cheque

OP, at our wedding we got some gifts which were low monetary value but which have huge emotional value - like a vase and a plate I always use for salads, 20 years later, and a painting a friend did for us.

I'm not keen on the idea of money as a gift because then you know just how much someonw has spent. Cold you put together a nice foody hamper for your friends? Prosecco, nibbles, tapas? If you know their food tastes? Alternatively, £20 is absoolutely fine, with a personalised note.

If they are good friends they will not be judging their guests by their gifts.

£20 is fine, £300 is obscene in normal circumstances

Normally we would do it as in £50pp so me and my partner give £100 when we attend a wedding, however we attended a wedding abroad so only gave £50 as the extra expense of flights and accom to get there we thought £50 was fine since we were making the effort to go.