To think OH is acting suspicious

[Lindum08]

Me and OH have been together for 7 years now, we have an 8 week old DD. Things have always been rocky and he has flipped between wanting to be a single guy playing the field and then missing me.

Anyway, throughout my pregnancy and the first month of DDs life we have been amazing, he’s been so supportive and helpful.

However this last month he has been distant and on his phone a lot, the other day I saw a message from a woman, we will call her Anne. Anne had said “I live in XXX so not far” however OH said it was someone from his work asking about a work do for someone birthday and seeing if she could catch a ride with him.

Anyway, he told me yesterday that he’s meeting up with 2 of his friends in the town centre to go to the pub for the day, til about 6pm. I said okay. the friends we will call Alex and Pete.

Important point about Alex and Pete is that they live round the corner from us.

So this morning he asks me how long I think it’ll take for him to walk to the bus station from our house, I ask why.
He says that’s where he’s meeting his friends.
I asked why because they live 5 minutes away so you may as well walk down with them or taxi share etc
He laughs nervously and says “well they’re already in town anyway “

The bus station is right down the bottom of the town centre at the bottom of the hill, the pubs etc are all uphill, so are we.

So I question why he is going to waste time walking all the way down to the bus station to walk back up to town centre, when his friends are already in the town centre.

He laughs again and goes “ I don’t know, that’s just what Alex said”

He went out at 1pm smelling of aftershave and dressed really nice (smart casual)

He got back at 11pm (not 6pm as he said)

The place where this Anne said she lived is on a major bus route, therefore unless she drove, she would have to get the bus as it’d take hours to walk.

AIBU being suspicious and thinking he met Anne today and not his friends? Or am I being paranoid

YANBU. It's this spidey sense that many women report before finding out their OH has been cheating.

Can you look at his phone? Credit card?

I'd be digging heavily right about now. If you ask him he will deny it and make more effort to cover up.

Can you look Anne up on social media and see where she was on the night in question?

I think you could be right. Sigh. Sorry OP. Next time he planned drinks with the guys I’d be checking up on him. I know everyone will say that’s bad and I’m out of order but I totally would be doing that. Does he normally aftershave up to meet the lads? Is there anything else weird, browser history or anything indicating a dating website?

@HennyPennyHorror

Forgot to add, I found the girl on Instagram.
She posted a picture at around 12 if her in a full face if make up. Looking like she was going out. No caption though.

I’m going to see if I can access his phone tomorrow morning, I’ll update if I find anything.

I'd bloody be sneaking after him! Call me weird or bad but I would. I couldn't live with the doubt.

If someone's happy to cheat on me, then it would be gloves off and no rules.

Lindum ah! You're already on it.

Have you got children with him? Or shared finances?

@Elieza

Never normally douses himself in aftershave like he did today.

I’m not sure whether I should ask Alex or Pete if they met him today? Or perhaps they’re covering.

Just the one DD, we have a joint bank for the bills and rent but that’s it

The guys may well cover for him. Having said that if you catch them unawares, perhaps before he remembers to text them to cover for him....! His phones probably better for evidence. He’s being a fanny. Honestly, a father with a baby, he’s pathetic if he’s messing about.

I would be really suspicious and check his phone.

Don't fly off the handle just yet though - you don't know anything for sure.

This is the time to gather evidence. Don't alert him to the fact that you are suspicious.

Not only does it sound like he's cheating, but I'm afraid he must also be rather stupid. Didn't he realise how suspicious his question would seem to you, given the relative locations of the bus station, pub, and your home? He couldn't just estimate for himself how long it would take to walk to the bus station, or wait if he arrived a bit early? Sorry, I know this isn't the point, but... Honestly, he's not sounding like much of a prize.

I confirm by "spying" with nary a qualm, but it does seem like your gut instinct is probably correct.

On the other side, it does not sound like he is very practiced at deception. It does sound like he is cheating.
New babies do disrupt relationships and new Dads often feel pushed aside and not important. Most do not go looking for attention elsewhere.
Only you can decide what you want to do about the whole situation.

You have an 8week old baby and he went out from 1pm -11pm drinking.

I wouldn’t care who he was with, this is not the sort of husband I would want.

Is he a teenager or a father of a newborn? Sorry but you deserve better.

1- get his phone and look at it
2- look at his recent call
History
3- check his wallet for receipts etc

He’s telling porkies

Oh my God. I HATE men who cheat right after their child is born. My friend's DH did this to her. I think it's because they're selfish bastards who don't like that their partners aren't fully available for them any longer.

OP...do you have anyone in real life to support you apart from him>

Yeah, this sounds shady as hell.

Sorry OP I think your women's intuition may be right.

Could you check out Alex and Petes social media to see if there are any clues to where they actually were tonight?

Going by what you’ve said I’d be suspicious as well, but I hope it’s nothing.

I'd also be very suspicious. I'm mega sorry OP about you having just had a baby and him behaving like this. You don't deserve this.

@Lindum08
If he was out drinking from 1pm-11pm, was he drunk / smelling of beer when he got home?

Very suspicious

I would be extremely suspicious it’s not just you xx

Yanbu. Definitely shifty behaviour. Try to find out more if you can!

Dont ask his friends. Watch & wait.

Things have always been rocky and he has flipped between wanting to be a single guy playing the field and then missing me

Oh and this makes him even shadier btw.

Start putting money away in an emergency fund. Chances are you are going to need it in the future.

I'm so sorry, OP.

I don't know, if he's cheating he's being so obvious about it that he's either completely stupid, wants you to find out, or he's actually not cheating at all.