To think OH is acting suspicious

[Lindum08]

Me and OH have been together for 7 years now, we have an 8 week old DD. Things have always been rocky and he has flipped between wanting to be a single guy playing the field and then missing me.

Anyway, throughout my pregnancy and the first month of DDs life we have been amazing, he’s been so supportive and helpful.

However this last month he has been distant and on his phone a lot, the other day I saw a message from a woman, we will call her Anne. Anne had said “I live in XXX so not far” however OH said it was someone from his work asking about a work do for someone birthday and seeing if she could catch a ride with him.

Anyway, he told me yesterday that he’s meeting up with 2 of his friends in the town centre to go to the pub for the day, til about 6pm. I said okay. the friends we will call Alex and Pete.

Important point about Alex and Pete is that they live round the corner from us.

So this morning he asks me how long I think it’ll take for him to walk to the bus station from our house, I ask why.
He says that’s where he’s meeting his friends.
I asked why because they live 5 minutes away so you may as well walk down with them or taxi share etc
He laughs nervously and says “well they’re already in town anyway “

The bus station is right down the bottom of the town centre at the bottom of the hill, the pubs etc are all uphill, so are we.

So I question why he is going to waste time walking all the way down to the bus station to walk back up to town centre, when his friends are already in the town centre.

He laughs again and goes “ I don’t know, that’s just what Alex said”

He went out at 1pm smelling of aftershave and dressed really nice (smart casual)

He got back at 11pm (not 6pm as he said)

The place where this Anne said she lived is on a major bus route, therefore unless she drove, she would have to get the bus as it’d take hours to walk.

AIBU being suspicious and thinking he met Anne today and not his friends? Or am I being paranoid

@SavingSpaces2019 I think you might be about to get banned from Mumsnet.
Watch your tone.

I think most women have a sense of it when their partners are cheating or gearing up to, so I’d trust my instincts if I were you. I wouldn’t tip him off by asking his friends any questions. I’d try and act normally until I can catch him out. X

He's a fucking asshole !! Keep your head head high girl x wishing you all the best x so sad reading this x x

Read the post. She caught him out with an excellent strategy. She’s dumping his ass.

So sorry to read this op. Can totally understand what you are going through. My DDS dad walked out when she was 4 weeks old and looking back I was broken.
I too was breastfeeding so at first he used to come round a few hours a week to see her. It wasn't until she was about 7 months he started to take her for a few hours twice a week which was in between feeds, this was what was best for DD.
So sorry you are going through this and I admire your strength. Your OH sounds like an absolute pig to do this to you and your little baby.

I don't think at 8 weeks old, a breastfed baby can be taken away for long. Maybe 2 hours max? It might be hard for you but he may have to come to your house and sit with your DD to see her and you can make yourself busy in another room? Or he can take her for a walk around the area from time to time as well.

Has he even fought for the relationship or anything? Since they were chatting on FB messenger was it? This woman surely must be aware he has a partner and a young baby? Why would any woman go there with someone that has an 8 week old baby, so wrong. It's more wrong what your partner did of course but I can't phathom why any woman would lower herself to get dolled up and meet a man that has a partner at home with such a young baby 🤷‍♀️.

It's always wrong to cheat of course but there's just that extra level of shitiness to this in my view

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through such a horrible time. You and your DD deserve so much more.
My ex cheated on me all throughout our relationship,10 days after our DD was born new year's eve went out at1pm and never decided to come back till 4am. I no it's easier for others to say do this,do that but reality is you can keep taking him back like I did every time my ex cheated because I had a child I didn't want the broken home,I wanted my DD to be a family unit but he took the piss and I let him walk all over me till eventually I realized that he was never going to change. Was best thing I could of done for myself to walk away but also to know that my DD had a better happy home life,plus instead of a miserable mother of always wondering every time he went out or came back late from work etc,who was the woman he was with. Truth of matter I was an idiot.
Don't put yourself through it all,surround yourself with family and friends and those that can support you and your little baby girl.
It will eventually get easier even if it seems real shitty at the moment.
Cry,let your anger out. Go out for a couple of hours away from your little girl if you can and have a good chat with a girlfriend if you can and let all your emotions out and you will feel better for it. Hope you get things sorted in the end X💐🤗🤗🤗

I’d start a diary op, help to off load some thoughts and feelings and to keep times, dates of conversations etc, all the best to you and your daughter 🧸🍼🐥💐

Yes, sorry I think he met her.

Terrible thing for any woman to go through. I am just wondering though why you decided to have a child with him? You said things were always rocky and wanted to be single sometimes, it seems he never wanted to commit to you. I just don't understand. Wouldn't the warning flags have been writ large from the start that he is not someone to be loyal or to commit (also guessing he never asked you the mother of his child to marry him), let alone someone to procreate with? Is it that you thought if you got pregnant that he would stay with you?

Posted too soon. I know of someone (slight acquaintance) who was in a very similar situation, and it just made me wonder why women do this when from day one it often seems like the man is a total douche and will never - ever, be loyal or commit.

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP.

Stay strong and keep your head up

Why the hell do people find it necessary to post about red flags etc?! How is this helpful and what is the point?!
Hope you're okay OP x

@Celestine70 have you read the thread?

So sorry to hear this. But well done for following your gut instinct and getting the truth. Sooner is always better than later. Lots of love and hugs to you xx

@IfIcouldturnbacktime217 what you said!
I am just wondering though why you decided to have a child with him? @SaraNade I don't understand why you would post such an unhelpful comment? It's as if you are saying that it is is OPs fault because she chose to have a child with him. Also we are in 2019 not 1960 if we get pregnant we are not obliged to get married, doesn't mean OP wasn't in a loving relationship because her partner didn't ask her to marry him!

@Maddison12 No I am not saying that at all. But I do wonder why bring a child into what the OP describes was/is a dysfunctional relationship from the start. I'm not trying to victim-blame, although I know it may sound that way, and I attempted to gingerly write my post, but I just don't understand. And, I couldn't very well ask my acquaintance in real life, so.... Also if you read the OP it suggests they have a rocky and dysfunctional relationship. And no one is obliged to get married, true although I think a person would surely want some type of commitment if a child is involved. Not withstanding all the financial and legal security that are regularly spoken about on here.

💐 So sorry, OP.

@SaraNade marriage doesn't automatically equal committment. OP could have very well ended up in the same predicament married or not. All this about why the OP had a child is irrelevant. She has her DC, obviously loves them very much and from the sounds she is doing everything she can to put her DC first.

Good for you OP. Keep strong

@SaraNade, you ‘couldn't very well ask your acquaintance in real life’, I assume because you don’t know her well enough to muse such an intrusive question as it would have been inappropriate?

Same here. Inappropriate.

So sorry for you op. I know someone who this happened to except her partner left her just before the birth. Who are these men and what goes through their heads? He has given up the most special time of his life. Thankfully you and your child can still experience this time together. Don't let him ruin it
Don't be in any rush to give up breastfeeding or express to give him longer with your child. Your baby comes first. If it takes a year before he can have her overnight then so be it.

Also people who are blaming you because you didn't have the perfect relationship need to remember that no-one has the perfect relationship. Even the seemingly happiest couples can end up divorced and have secrets. They also need to remember that none of us make perfect decisions all the time, them included.

I am utterly disgusted at some of the posters on here. Ignore anyone questioning why you had a baby OP.

Unhelpful fuckers.

I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. My babies 17 weeks, so I’m feeling for you so much right now. All I can say is...Fuck him! And please get that horrible example of a man out of your child’s home. You need to be happy and healthy to bring up your baby. He’s never going to make you that. He’s a spoilt child that’s craving the constant fix of female attention.
Please please just have your mum stay for as long as she can, and every time he come knocking (he definitely will!) just let her deal with the scumbag. Hold your head high. And it might be a blessing that it’s happened at a time when your life is so super turned on it’s head....get in your baby bubble. Enjoy those baby cuddles and lock that door and turn off that phone. Custody can be an hour 2 times a week at a place away from you. I would suggest your parents house. Xx

Dear OP I'm so sorry you're going through this, at the moment it feels all consuming but i can promise you (from experience of something very similar) that you will recover from this and come out the other side much stronger.

Please continue to focus on your beautiful daughter, as you clearly are doing, and don't let this POS sabotage this special time for you any more than he already has.

He doesn't deserve you.

It's the aftershave that's the giveaway. Every time. Trust me, I've been there.