To think OH is acting suspicious

[Lindum08]

Me and OH have been together for 7 years now, we have an 8 week old DD. Things have always been rocky and he has flipped between wanting to be a single guy playing the field and then missing me.

Anyway, throughout my pregnancy and the first month of DDs life we have been amazing, he’s been so supportive and helpful.

However this last month he has been distant and on his phone a lot, the other day I saw a message from a woman, we will call her Anne. Anne had said “I live in XXX so not far” however OH said it was someone from his work asking about a work do for someone birthday and seeing if she could catch a ride with him.

Anyway, he told me yesterday that he’s meeting up with 2 of his friends in the town centre to go to the pub for the day, til about 6pm. I said okay. the friends we will call Alex and Pete.

Important point about Alex and Pete is that they live round the corner from us.

So this morning he asks me how long I think it’ll take for him to walk to the bus station from our house, I ask why.
He says that’s where he’s meeting his friends.
I asked why because they live 5 minutes away so you may as well walk down with them or taxi share etc
He laughs nervously and says “well they’re already in town anyway “

The bus station is right down the bottom of the town centre at the bottom of the hill, the pubs etc are all uphill, so are we.

So I question why he is going to waste time walking all the way down to the bus station to walk back up to town centre, when his friends are already in the town centre.

He laughs again and goes “ I don’t know, that’s just what Alex said”

He went out at 1pm smelling of aftershave and dressed really nice (smart casual)

He got back at 11pm (not 6pm as he said)

The place where this Anne said she lived is on a major bus route, therefore unless she drove, she would have to get the bus as it’d take hours to walk.

AIBU being suspicious and thinking he met Anne today and not his friends? Or am I being paranoid

Wow what an arse

Has he tried to justify it or explain why?

Stay strong and kick him out

This is his doing. He’s crap.

Don’t let him make you do the ‘pick me dance’. He’s already picked himself over and above anyone else.

He’s pretty stupid because now he’ll never have as much time with his child. He’s going to miss out on so much. What a shit decision. This is what happens when men think with their knob!

So sorry OP. I would be fucking livid that he not only met another woman, but asked your bloody advice on how best to get the bus to go meet her!!!!

What a shit, glad you got to the truth but sorry you had to find out this way OP

What a dickhead! He was so fucking blatant about it. Glad you know the truth now!

What an absolute fool! He has lost his family over this!

Has he left OP? Will get go to his parents? Do they know what he's done?

Ahh what a shithead, sorry this has happened to you OP.

He can’t take the baby for more than two hours really at that age, I’m guessing she’s still feeding every 2-3 hours anyway. All he can do is pop in to see her a few times a week or maybe take her for a walk at best.

He has truly cocked up here and I’m certain he will come to realise it.

I'm so sorry to see your update. Hes an absolute idiot.

What an absolute shit he is. I'm so sorry OP. You deserve better - much, much better.

Please make sure you get yourself sorted out financially. You may need to start a claim for child benefit (if you haven't done this already) and Universal Credit (unless you're on a fantastic maternity package). And go online and see how much CMS would make him pay in maintenance, and show him, so he can start paying now.

I realise this will sound hardfaced and mercenary, but the last thing you need is financial worries when you're going through all the heartache of infidelity.

Take care of yourself.

Maybe not today, but soon - starting sharing with friends and family (including Alex & Peter) the reason you are splitting, ie he started seeing another woman. Don't be ashamed - it is not your shame, it's his. Frankly if a 'friend' of mine used me as cover to be meeting up with another man / woman when they had a partner at home with an 8 week old baby, their ears would get a roasting and I wouldn't consider them 'friend' anymore.

@SavingSpaces2019 oh do be quiet. Stop being so mean and consider OP may not need unhelpful comments when she is clearly having a rubbish time.

So sorry OP this is awful, no words of wisdom but stay strong things will get better one day. You’re a strong amazing woman for knowing your worth and not accepting anything less.

🌷🌺💗his loss op.
You will move on to a much happier life with your dd and he will remain a loser.
So sorry you are going through this right now,with your baby to care for as well.
But she will keep you going,someone to get up for in the mornings.
Don't allow him to throw blame your way,he chose to lie to you and go off for the day.his choice.his mistake.not yours.
You are going to be fine,with a really strong loving bond with your dd.You can and will get past this and one day look back and be glad he has gone,because if things have been rocky then you can't have been happy so a fresh start is akin to a breath of fresh air.
None of this takes away the immediate pain,hurt,exhaustion and self doubt I know,but it is not the end of your world,far from it,this is just the beginning.You have much love around you.🌺

Savingspace You have a typo in your user name dear-I'll correct it for you "Waste of space" for posting such a cruel thing

What is cruel is children being brought into dysfunctional relationships, being exposed to it as they grow and then ending up with emotional and relationship difficulties of their own as adults because of it.

@SavingSpaces2019 was not the only poster who said this. Maybe the anger could be shared out rather than piling it all on her?

What an absolute cunt. I hope Anne was worth it. I’m so sorry OP. You and your dd deserve better.xx

Sorry about your update. Your head must be spinning right now - glad you've got your mum coming to stay to support you.

It may just be that he's had a panic about the baby - but you say that thinks have been up and down between you for years so I'm guessing there's no chance of you seeing a counsellor and trying to put it all right?

Regarding him seeing the baby - you're breastfeeding and the baby's needs come first. If that means he only sees her for an hour or so each week then tough, he should have thought of that. Don't feel pressured to stop breastfeeding or to stop too early because of this. I feed DD 1 til 9 months and DD2 til 11 months … admittedly it was only the bedtime feed by this point.

Savingspaces, I kind of see your point, but I think it the delivery of it was unnecessarily harsh.
That said, that's plenty worse that could happen to a child. It sounds like she has a mother who loves her dearly and that mother has a support system in place. The fact her father is a bit of a dick also doesn't necessarily mean that he won't step up and be a decent father. I 100% do not condone his behaviour at all and I'm very sorry OP has to deal with it, but this snapshot of his parenting in the first 8 weeks doesn't have to mean he is useless long term.

My daughter's dad was vile to me, but since we split up I could never fault him as a father. Is it easy separating the way he treated me and letting him be a father? Not in the beginning, mo, but ultimately once we split up we became much better at parenting together than we were apart. Of course, that's not always the way, but my point is you have no idea, based on this snapshot, of how OP's baby's life will be!!!

I’d tell Anne. Make sure if she didn’t know-she does now!
💐 I’m so sorry that this has happened to you, but you are better off alone and concentrating on your DD.
I preferred doing it alone, I found it easier than having to consider the feelings of an arsehole. You deserve better, and do all meet ups on your terms and around the baby. Just have someone supportive with you.
And well done on having the guts!

As in tell Anne he was your OH and has been kicked out, leaving his 8-week old...

Sounds very suspicious. I would have had a hissy fit and stopped him from bloody going.Asking stupid bloody idiot questions.
Quite honestly, he sounds such a loose cannon, why not just find someone dependable?
I would never have suspected my ex of cheating but out came the aftershave and I should have guessed. He treated me like shit in the mean time.

Big hugs. What a dick.

Sorry op. It is tough being single with a newborn, but it passes fast.

Don't cover for the bastard either.

I am an adult child of a woman who got pregnant to keep her boyfriend and boy have I paid for her stupidity in my life. However I still think the posters being cruel to the OP about having a baby with this man are 100% out of order.

OP, he can't have the baby for long as she's tiny and breast fed so he'll have to wait or just have her when she's sleeping for a walk in her pray or hope she is awake for a few minutes. What a disgusting man.