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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH should have just made the fucking dinner?

232 replies

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:01

Username may have some bearing on my feelings on this matter.

DH works until 2 today. I work until 4. We have a baby who is a year old. I have a half hour commute from work and do all childcare drop offs. DH has a five minute walk. I work four days a week, DH five. Usually he gets home later than me, so I do most bedtimes, make dinner five days out of seven.

On Fridays my mum very kindly takes the baby,and I'll often stay for a chat when I call in after work, which DH knows. I am never home later than half five.

Often I will meal plan, or leave eg marinaded chicken breasts in the fridge for dinner on Friday, which DH cooks, but not always. Today I came home at quarter past five, and DH was grumpy- he had tried to call me to see what I wanted to eat,I had not replied. I checked my phone, he called when I was driving. Bear in mind he has been home for three hours. I said I didn't mind and as it was his night he could choose what he wanted. He said "but you didn't leave any meat out, I didn't know what you'd want"

I told him that i didn't care what I ate, I just wanted, for one night of the week, not to think about it. I wanted to come home to a hot dinner which required zero effort or input on my part, as he does every other night of the week. Neither of us are fussy eaters, both are good cooks. I refuse to do his thinking for him. We live three minutes away from a well stocked shop. He marched out to said shop in a huff, and has just returned with fucking ready meal lasagne and waffles. I manage to cook from scratch. Baby can't really eat salty crap like that and really needs to be in bed for half six, she is hungry so he'll have to make her porridge. Aibu to think this is a fucking joke?

I, however, am saying nothing. I absolutely refuse to take this on, it's his job

OP posts:
summersherewishiwasnt · 27/09/2019 18:05

Working and taking care of a baby is a lot of work in itself, never mind all the domestic crap that comes with it.
Unless he is usually an inconsiderate twat or you don’t really like him very much, eat what there is. You have said you are fussy. Sounds like you might be fussy for home cooked food and it’s too late today to that. Let that go and make a rota together.

thecatinthetwat · 27/09/2019 18:06

Your dh sounds like an idiot and an arsehole. But why have you been doing this for so long?

It would never occur to me to do the shopping or prep or anything for my dh when he cooks. He looks in the cupboard or goes to the shop. He decides what to cook and gets on with it. Wtf?

Fizzypoo · 27/09/2019 18:06

I don't think you're being totally unreasonable but you didn't communicate that's what you wanted to happen. My dp cooks at least 3 nights out of the (whole) week but that's because I made a fuss about having to do all of the thinking plus cooking so made him a rota 😂

thecatinthetwat · 27/09/2019 18:06

Btw we each cook 50:50

june2007 · 27/09/2019 18:08

I think mountain out o molehills springs to mind. Ifyou don't say what you want then don't complain with what he cooks. Waffles should be fine for a baby, doesn't take much to add some beans and cheese, or an egg, to make more of a meal.

thecatinthetwat · 27/09/2019 18:08

but you didn't communicate that's what you wanted to happen.

How do you get to a pint though, where you need to ‘communicate’ that an adult partner does their own thinking?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 27/09/2019 18:10

I would now officially make Friday nights meals entirely his responsibility, from deciding what he’s cooking, to writing it on the plan, to writing the ingredients on the shopping list, to defrosting/pre prepping, slow cooking/cooking and setting the table, serving etc. Without any reminders from you for any of it. Just like you manage the rest of the week. with the caveat that he can’t cop out and buy ready meals.

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/09/2019 18:12

He needs to step up, why are you doing the dinner and bedtime - does he get in after bedtime?

Vulpine · 27/09/2019 18:12

As one poster calls it 'Mountains out of molehills' but this kind of inconsiderate crap is the stuff that kills relationships.

thecatinthetwat · 27/09/2019 18:13

The waffles are a bit passive aggressive surely?

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:14

Sorry, to clarify

Friday night meals ARE his responsibility. They always have been. He's home at 2. Every other night of the week I do dinner and bath for the baby, except Friday and Sunday

OP posts:
JuneSpoon · 27/09/2019 18:15

How much later than you does he usually get home? I'd be really annoyed and would leave him to cook for the next two weeks. The whole lot - planning, shopping, prepping. I'd even go so far as to eat before I get home so I'm not preparing the dinner out if hunger while I made my point

Iggly · 27/09/2019 18:17

Tell him you find his indecisiveness unattractive.

Honestly why can’t he just think for himself for a bit???

Fizzypoo · 27/09/2019 18:17

@thecatinthetwat you would probably get to that point after babying your dp by always taking on that responsibility. I'm not sure how he was magically going to know that op didn't want to do this tonight.

I hope he's out buying a takeaway right now!

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 27/09/2019 18:18

Ah ok. So he was just being a lazy ass and hoping he could blame it on you. Not on.

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:19

Also I manage to cook the rest of the time without waiting around limply for direction. If I waited for DH to come home and tell me what he wanted, he wouldn't be sitting down to his dinner until 9pm most nights. I cook good food that I know he likes. I, stupidly, got into the habit during maternity leave of buying in the sort of food that he likes to cook and leaving it in the fridge for Friday (will I pick up some steaks for you to do up on Friday night? Etc) and this has now resulted in him being in the house for three hours on his own, apparently unable to plan and cook a basic meal

OP posts:
IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:20

And no, he's not usually an inconsiderate twat but he prefers me to do his thinking for him and it's been an issue in the past

OP posts:
Bucatini · 27/09/2019 18:24

YANBU

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:24

He usually gets home about 7, and is able to eat his (fresh, well cooked) dinner in peace while I am finishing putting baby to bed.

We never eat ready meals and waffles, in fact I don't think I've ever had a ready meal lasagne

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 27/09/2019 18:25

On Monday you can feed the baby and wait till he gets in to say I didn’t know what you’d want to eat, what shall we have for dinner? I’d do that all week actually.

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:27

I might do. Then present him with a fucking ready meal

OP posts:
Fraggling · 27/09/2019 18:29

He's being a dick.

I'd be ffs too

ImpossibleGirl86 · 27/09/2019 18:29

I'm not sure most of the first few posters read the same OP as me :s he's a prat.

Hopoindown31 · 27/09/2019 18:30

Are you fussy with food OP or criticise what he cooks?

ReanimatedSGB · 27/09/2019 18:31

Sounds like a passive-aggressive attempt on his part to teach you that provision of food is actually your job, because you are not The One With the Penis. Because you failed to pay enough attention to the fact that he actually cooks food or at least puts something you have prepared into a pan and turns on the hob, you are being punished.