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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should have just made the fucking dinner?

232 replies

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:01

Username may have some bearing on my feelings on this matter.

DH works until 2 today. I work until 4. We have a baby who is a year old. I have a half hour commute from work and do all childcare drop offs. DH has a five minute walk. I work four days a week, DH five. Usually he gets home later than me, so I do most bedtimes, make dinner five days out of seven.

On Fridays my mum very kindly takes the baby,and I'll often stay for a chat when I call in after work, which DH knows. I am never home later than half five.

Often I will meal plan, or leave eg marinaded chicken breasts in the fridge for dinner on Friday, which DH cooks, but not always. Today I came home at quarter past five, and DH was grumpy- he had tried to call me to see what I wanted to eat,I had not replied. I checked my phone, he called when I was driving. Bear in mind he has been home for three hours. I said I didn't mind and as it was his night he could choose what he wanted. He said "but you didn't leave any meat out, I didn't know what you'd want"

I told him that i didn't care what I ate, I just wanted, for one night of the week, not to think about it. I wanted to come home to a hot dinner which required zero effort or input on my part, as he does every other night of the week. Neither of us are fussy eaters, both are good cooks. I refuse to do his thinking for him. We live three minutes away from a well stocked shop. He marched out to said shop in a huff, and has just returned with fucking ready meal lasagne and waffles. I manage to cook from scratch. Baby can't really eat salty crap like that and really needs to be in bed for half six, she is hungry so he'll have to make her porridge. Aibu to think this is a fucking joke?

I, however, am saying nothing. I absolutely refuse to take this on, it's his job

OP posts:
GetUpAgain · 27/09/2019 19:49

OMG yes convenience cards. What a brilliant description. OP you are right to be pissed off.

I keep secret chocolate for times like this, it's not a solution but it tastes nice.

OhamIreally · 27/09/2019 19:49

@ElizaPancakes you put mince in curry? I've never heard of that!

Sorry to derail OP - as you were.

Mitzicoco · 27/09/2019 19:53

i love a findus crsipy pancake Grin

PickAChew · 27/09/2019 19:55

I'm a good cook but if i want a lasagna, M&S or Waitrose are doing all the hard work, tyvm!

I had one the other day, but with chantenay carrots and tenderstem broccoli, not fucking waffles.

PickAChew · 27/09/2019 19:56

Mince in a curry is keema.

Mynameisnotthis · 27/09/2019 19:58

Can’t add anything that hasn’t already been said OP.

@OhamIreally brilliant description!! I’ve taken a screen shot of that to support future discussions. Thank you.

C0untDucku1a · 27/09/2019 19:58

Yanbu at all. i refuse to think about food. I do all the mental load of family life. Dh does some housework and food. I refuse to answer any questions about food. I also don't eat take-aways.

I would now say friday, saturday and sundays are his days. All meals. My dh also makes my lunch for work.

LatentPhase · 27/09/2019 20:04

Good for you, OP Star

Enjoy the curry!

OrangeSlices998 · 27/09/2019 20:11

Do you not think this is an opportunity to sit down and say ‘the way we split responsibility in this house is ridiculous and it needs to change’ - if you’re cooking dinner most nights for the baby then cook a few portions for her and freeze them, split the bedtimes and cooking the other nights and sit down while HE does bathtime!

I think him getting a lasagne is the least of your worries! Thread after thread of shit like this from men on MN, I despair!

voddiekeepsmesane · 27/09/2019 20:12

FFS he should be capable of sorting out a fucking meal! And anyone who says otherwise is fucking insane. Men can Adult as well people! I really hope I am preparing my DS to be a fully functioning adult, even at 15 he has responsibility of one meal a month.

MadeForThis · 27/09/2019 20:14

Well played.

DoctorAllcome · 27/09/2019 20:17

YABU
You say it’s his responsibility to do Friday dinners but clearly the practice has been you discuss what you want with him in advance. So, he nicely tries to find out what you would like him to cook and then you explode and accuse him of laziness and being limp? Unreal.

You say you aren’t a fussy eater, but then turn your nose up at a ready meal lasagne bought at last minute because you were on radio silence. And you whine about salt intake for your baby (how precious) like one meal will shrivel the baby up like a garden slug and demand he make porridge as well. That’s petty retribution.

Now your acting like it’s a huge deal...the mountains out of molehills wasn’t very apt because you’re literally throwing a hangry tantrum.

endofthelinefinally · 27/09/2019 20:19

Why couldn't he batch cook if he has got 3 hours?
Personally if I am cooking I always make double quantities. Surely that is just common sense.

voddiekeepsmesane · 27/09/2019 20:23

DoctorAllcome you are kidding right? I would turn my nose up at fucking ready meal lasagne as well. I am sure the delicate man is quite capable of cooking a decent meal and if he isn't then should have got a take out to start with not some crappy microwaved lasagne. It has turned out for the best though I am sure that some proper food for the baby would have been appreciated as well.

Countryescape · 27/09/2019 20:29

Set up a rota. You both do 50/50 cooking and baby duty. You are both parents who work and it needs to be bloody equal. This sort of thing does my head in! Don’t be. Doormat

EssentialHummus · 27/09/2019 20:31

I wouldn't have sent him out for a different meal if the first one's there and ready, but I'd remind him that x and y days are his days and you expect the same approach to meals and cooking that you take the rest of the week - homemade, reasonably balanced, menu at cook's discretion.

AllosaurusMum · 27/09/2019 20:34

YABU only because you didn’t communicate that you wanted to change the way dinner has been done for however long you’ve been doing the prep work. He did call you to find out what was going on. Expecting him to read your mind that he needs to go shopping and plan something is unreasonable. It’s far more likely since you’ve been responsible for planning dinner that you decided you’d all go out to dinner or bring a meal home instead. You should have told him Thursday night you weren’t interested in planning Friday dinner anymore so he would need to sort that out after work.
Basically, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect him to fully handle dinner, but you need to communicate that to him since you’ve been responsible for the planning up to this point.

Scarlett555 · 27/09/2019 20:36

What happened to the lasagne and waffles?

DoctorAllcome · 27/09/2019 20:36

I’m not a fussy eater. I’ll eat anything. I just wanted a night with zero input on my part and even though I never told you this & have always provided input, you should have read my mind this time.

Lasagne? If I ate one bite, it would be setting a precedent for shit convenience food and you’ll get beans on toast and pot noodles when I do dinner. Oh, and I’m not sorry one bit I didn’t tell you this shit before you went out and bought or before you heated it up. But you get to go out again to buy me some Indian food....

That’s probably EXACTLY why he tried to call you because you ARE a fussy eater and anything he does with zero input from you will result in you rejecting it in a huff and sending him out again for a take out of your choice.

voddiekeepsmesane · 27/09/2019 20:37

So because dinner is usually planned this means an adult male can not think for himself and make adult decisions? It becomes the females fault nope not having it Hmm

voddiekeepsmesane · 27/09/2019 20:40

No if you read OPs posts she had mentioned that her DH had opinions about ready meals

I told him I was more than happy to eat such food and was impressed that he'd finally seen the light re shit convenience food
I told him I was delighted that he was no longer expecting proper homecooked dinners, as it would be much easier to make him beans and toast or supernoodlesevery night for dinner

DoctorAllcome · 27/09/2019 20:40

DoctorAllcome you are kidding right? I would turn my nose up at fucking ready meal lasagne as well.

It’s fine to be a fussy eater and turn your nose up at anything not homemade from scratch, but the OP started out by bragging that she is not a fussy eater and would have been happy with anything that required zero effort or input. This is blatantly not true. She is a fussy eater and she not only usually has input into what he cooks, she feels she can just refuse that input in a huff and hit a reject buzzer on a meal, send her DH out for take out and act like she’s a martyr.

If my husband did that to me, I’d be livid. If he didn’t want what I made because “it’s not homemade from scratch” I would not be running out to buy him a curry. He can get it his own damn self.

voddiekeepsmesane · 27/09/2019 20:43

Read the OPs posts her DH had opinions already about ready meals etc obviously they had discussed this previously hence the reason he was sheepish serving up the lasagne crap

voddiekeepsmesane · 27/09/2019 20:46

I would consider myself a unfussy eater, not many foods I wouldn't eat or at least try BUT it has to be quality not salt/sugar filled crap

rwalker · 27/09/2019 20:46

You've said you meal plan so he had no reason to presume you didn't .He tried to ring you to see what you wanted so it not as though he was trying to get out off it.
Not the end of the world is it really worth causing all this shit for.