To think DH should have just made the fucking dinner?

[IncrediblyHangry]

Username may have some bearing on my feelings on this matter.

DH works until 2 today. I work until 4. We have a baby who is a year old. I have a half hour commute from work and do all childcare drop offs. DH has a five minute walk. I work four days a week, DH five. Usually he gets home later than me, so I do most bedtimes, make dinner five days out of seven.

On Fridays my mum very kindly takes the baby,and I'll often stay for a chat when I call in after work, which DH knows. I am never home later than half five.

Often I will meal plan, or leave eg marinaded chicken breasts in the fridge for dinner on Friday, which DH cooks, but not always. Today I came home at quarter past five, and DH was grumpy- he had tried to call me to see what I wanted to eat,I had not replied. I checked my phone, he called when I was driving. Bear in mind he has been home for three hours. I said I didn't mind and as it was his night he could choose what he wanted. He said "but you didn't leave any meat out, I didn't know what you'd want"

I told him that i didn't care what I ate, I just wanted, for one night of the week, not to think about it. I wanted to come home to a hot dinner which required zero effort or input on my part, as he does every other night of the week. Neither of us are fussy eaters, both are good cooks. I refuse to do his thinking for him. We live three minutes away from a well stocked shop. He marched out to said shop in a huff, and has just returned with fucking ready meal lasagne and waffles. I manage to cook from scratch. Baby can't really eat salty crap like that and really needs to be in bed for half six, she is hungry so he'll have to make her porridge. Aibu to think this is a fucking joke?

I, however, am saying nothing. I absolutely refuse to take this on, it's his job

LIDL lasagne is delicious. Not with waffles though. With salad.

So because dinner is usually planned this means an adult male can not think for himself and make adult decisions?

What part of deciding to call your DP to see what they would like when there was enough time to cook from scratch is not thinking for yourself? It is actually very thoughtful & considerate.

Then, after dear partner was no contact until they got home, and they refused to provide input face to face, time was too short to cook from scratch. So, an adult decision was made to go out and buy a premade lasagne that can be cooked at home in oven or microwave. Seems like an adult decision to me.

But dear partner who refused to say what she fancied for dinner, waits until it’s all ready & cooked & on the table to turn her nose up at it and then demand he go fetch her a take out.

And it’s HIS fault? Nope.

DoctorAllcome I am not a fussy eater, I've eaten actual roadkill, I've plucked, gutted and cooked more pheasants than you've swerved to avoid but a cheap 99p ready meal, no thanks. We simply don't eat them. DH was being facetious, a bit like yourself. This is a man who gets excited over rare breed sausages. Dfod

You've said you meal plan so he had no reason to presume you didn't .
So he was unable to use his brain and look for something to cook by himself.

He tried to ring you to see what you wanted so it not as though he was trying to get out off it.

Again he could have used his tiny brain and look in the fridge/freezer. He knew the OP would be driving and would probably not answer the phone. He probably saw the time and tried to pass the buck over to OP.

Not the end of the world is it really worth causing all this shit for.

Yes it is, he just shows how little he thinks about his wife and household.

I had a job when I was 22 that finish at lunchtime on a Friday and I had the brains to figure out to help at home and do what house work that needed doing and cook dinner. There is no excuse for him not to other then HIS time is more important then OP.

Read the OPs posts her DH had opinions already about ready meals etc obviously they had discussed this previously hence the reason he was sheepish serving up the lasagne crap

I read the OPs posts and it’s clear to me she is the one who prefers to cook from scratch. She wasn’t doing it because “poor me my husband demands it”. She does it because that is what she prefers to eat, being a fussy eater.
He was sheepish because she came home and threw a hangry tantrum refusing to even say what she’d like to eat forcing him to go out and buy the lasagne with no idea if he’d please her or be chastised further and sent back out. We all know the latter was was transpired.

He had been home 3 HOURS before phoning the OP, then an impetuous decision was made even though neither the OP or her DH actually do ready meals. Why is it her fault?

OMG thank you Clutterbugsmum I was beginning to think I was in some kind of man infant universe

I DO NOT MEAL PLAN ALL THE TIME
I DID NOT MEAL PLAN THIS WEEK
WE HAVE A WIPE CLEAN WEEKLY MENU ON THE BOARD. THERE WAS NOTHING ON IT.
MY HUSBAND DOES INDEED ENJOY COOKING FROM SCRATCH, HE ALSO SPENDS SILLY MONEY ON FANCY CHUTNEYS
I AM RECENTLY BACK TO WORK FROM MAT LEAVE AND HE HAS BECOME LAZY

Fuck me read the thread

Oh and he rang me at quarter to five when i was driving home

OP, I know this isn't the point but I think you're absolutely brilliant.

@OhamIreally yep! As pp says, it’s a keema.

Another mince variation lol!

It means if you’re going to change the way things are done in the house you need to communicate those changes.

Roadkill is just freshly killed game meat. Actually strengthens the fact you prefer fresh food to convenience foods that usually are older and with preservatives.

At the very least both of you are at fault. He’s used to having some chat about what shall we eat Friday. That didn’t happen. It doesn’t have to happen, but you can’t change your usual habits with no notice and expect things to go off without a hitch. That’s where I think YABU.

Since you say the lasagne was him getting back at you...ok then that would be where he is at fault too.

By all means, tell him fridays are 100% on him from now on. It’s only fair to give advance notice of changes. Then you can reasonably expect a better dinner.

@IncrediblyHangry
Oh wow I've never been able to articulate it either. Convenience cards is perfect. I've been trying to explain to my husband for ages why it's unfair that he lets our 3 year old watch unlimited TV pretty much whenever he has her on his own. I've now realised it's annoying because it means I can't use the TV convenience card when I desperately need to (when baby has shat himself while 3 year old is aggressively demanding my attention).

Sorry my post was for @OhamIreally. Tagging fail...

@doctorallcome just because you would be ok eating a ready meal lasagna doesn't mean OP has to be. Or indeed that it is an acceptable option in their household. To me, it sounds like both the OP and her DH are interested in fresh well cooked food (her DH buying chutneys and rare breed sausages) so a cheap ready meal is a long way off their usual fare. Therefore, it is not being fussy to not want to eat it. (I would happily eat some ready meal lasagna, some I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. My DH knows this as we eat together every day and wouldn't buy something I wasn't happy with. As I won't for him)

Infact, under the circumstances it sounds like petulant lazyness from the DH.

OP, hope you're enjoying your curry!

Sounds like my dp. He wants me to make every single decision in his life for him, all the time! The kids are the same, yet everything I suggest isnt good enough, and no one wants it!!!

Op you are epic! Hope the curry was delish.

He tried to ring you to see what you wanted so it not as though he was trying to get out off it

He was trying to get out of thinking about it! What’s attractive about a man who can’t forage in the fridge and make a meal?

I think there are some men who would consider they'd failed if they had to think about domestic work after getting a wife.

Terrifying

To be fair mine would assume if there was nothing on the board or nothing sat out that it was a takeaway.. especially if you’re in the habit of sitting something out.

Even writing “whatever you fancy” on the board would’ve been a clue.

There’s also feck all wrong with a cheap ready meal lasagne once in a blue moon.. wasting food on the other hand was practically a hanging offence in my gp’s home. We’d have ate the lasagne, rather than faffing around wasting more money and time on another dinner especially since the first one was already cooked n sat out.

Her husband doesn’t write ‘whatever you fancy’ on the board, nor does he write ‘take out’

OP is a grown woman who doesn’t need a clue, and her husband is a grown man who cooks on Fridays - he should decide and shop and get the meal ready

We take it in turns to cook. OH has different tastes from me so sometimes I have to manfully shove down liver and onions or fish dishes I really am not keen on. The other night I did chicken fajitas which I realised he was not keen on but he did not complain either.

The sticking point seems to be that your OH doesn`t realise that on his cooking duty he needs to plan, shop in advance, rather than he does not want to cook.

I've read all OP posts and can see that she doesn't like ready meals. Can't see that he doesn't. Liking posh chutney and rare breed sausages is neither here not there - you can like those and ready meals too. Refusing all ready meals IMHO IS fussy and it clearly 'I'll eat anything gastro and potentially time consuming to cook' is not the same as 'I'll eat anything'. What we don't really know is whether the drive for home cooked is mutual or just the OP's and therefore whether the lasagna buying was passive aggressive or not (in our house it's normal to eat that sort of stuff, which actually probably has a lot less salt than what my step-brother, the chef, cooks). I'd be more than happy to be served such a meal, btw. Perhaps that's making it harder for me to see the issue.

I just looked up salt content in shop bought lasagna versus indian take-away. Likely to be a lot more in the take-away - must be why I love them so much!