To think DH should have just made the fucking dinner?

[IncrediblyHangry]

Username may have some bearing on my feelings on this matter.

DH works until 2 today. I work until 4. We have a baby who is a year old. I have a half hour commute from work and do all childcare drop offs. DH has a five minute walk. I work four days a week, DH five. Usually he gets home later than me, so I do most bedtimes, make dinner five days out of seven.

On Fridays my mum very kindly takes the baby,and I'll often stay for a chat when I call in after work, which DH knows. I am never home later than half five.

Often I will meal plan, or leave eg marinaded chicken breasts in the fridge for dinner on Friday, which DH cooks, but not always. Today I came home at quarter past five, and DH was grumpy- he had tried to call me to see what I wanted to eat,I had not replied. I checked my phone, he called when I was driving. Bear in mind he has been home for three hours. I said I didn't mind and as it was his night he could choose what he wanted. He said "but you didn't leave any meat out, I didn't know what you'd want"

I told him that i didn't care what I ate, I just wanted, for one night of the week, not to think about it. I wanted to come home to a hot dinner which required zero effort or input on my part, as he does every other night of the week. Neither of us are fussy eaters, both are good cooks. I refuse to do his thinking for him. We live three minutes away from a well stocked shop. He marched out to said shop in a huff, and has just returned with fucking ready meal lasagne and waffles. I manage to cook from scratch. Baby can't really eat salty crap like that and really needs to be in bed for half six, she is hungry so he'll have to make her porridge. Aibu to think this is a fucking joke?

I, however, am saying nothing. I absolutely refuse to take this on, it's his job

Oh my god this would piss me off.

So many women on here seem to go back to work after mat leave and basically end up doing everything as well as taking care of the baby.

I literally could not do all the drop offs/ pick ups/ cooking/ putting to bed every night without crumbling.

Tell him to grow up and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

And keep some waffles and fish fingers in the freezer for the baby in case of emergencies. Nothing wrong with salty crap every now and then

Lasagne & potato waffles.

Doesn't even go!

Why not pick up the stuff for lasagne or spaghetti bolognese?

Pasta & pesto with salad.

If he didn't know what he wanted to eat, why should Op?

And having not contacted her should have then made a bloody decision instead of waiting & turning it back on her.

@Fraggling if I did that to my DH , I'd get 'mmm fundus crispy pancakes the night after pot noodles, lovely!' and it wouldn't even be sarcasm. I do all the cooking for this reason, he has the palate of an eighties teenager. He does do plenty around the house that I don't want to, to make up for it though and if I'm away, yep pot noodles or frozen pizza....

It's not fair to get a takeaway though on the only night he has responsibility for cooking.

I really hate that thinking and struggled to articulate why until I read it described as "convenience cards". So as a couple you have a certain number of "convenience cards" in your life pack, such as takeaway instead of cooking, letting kids watch TV instead of engaging with them, skipping bath for a day etc. The thing is they can't be used all the time, so if one partner uses all the convenience cards, there's less for the other partner to use and the balance of effort is unequal. This is particularly annoying if one partner only has a limited amount of responsibility and still uses a convenience card when it's their turn.

Convenience cards. Omg yes

Well actually many people eat “that shit” ready meal lasagne, or they wouldn’t be sold would they now These days ready meals aren’t always rubbish, some very good ranges exists, serve with some steamed veg and it’s a perfectly acceptable meal. A small portion with added veg even for a one year is far from “salty crap” 🙄 but then you do have to question why he didn’t buy veg or garlic bread with the lasagne why the waffles??

Yes he should of absolutely made dinner and gone to the shop earlier, or ingredients using his brain, but then if you’ve always marinated meat, meal planned etc for him basically we’ve been swiping his backside so why tonight surprises you I’m not sure 🤷🏻‍♀️ Rod for your own back and all that

Why can't the baby eat waffles? I don't think ur unreasonable to be a bit annoyed, he could have used his initiative.

Buy him a copy of Wifework.

Get him a pot noodle for Monday night lol
🤣🤣🤣

He’s being a monumental cunt.

I'd have the rage big time. Man baby.

Convenience card! Bloody brilliantly put... my dh has the pack! Op you’re dh is being lazy... and then a twat

This is what happens OP slowly over time. You have mat leave, end up doing the lions share of the domestic crap and cooking and thus forever more it stays. I became a feminist after I became a mother.

Though I do quite like pot noodles and waffles

What everyone else has said, and I don't see why he never has to do bathtime either.

I like DS to eat a home-cooked meal too - we just make extra and he has it the evening after, if that makes sense. But if you're happy cooking 5 days a week then minimum he should be planning & sorting the other 2 days. I hope he cleans up after you've cooked too!!

I don't think you're being totally unreasonable but you didn't communicate that's what you wanted to happen. My dp cooks at least 3 nights out of the (whole) week but that's because I made a fuss about having to do all of the thinking plus cooking so made him a rota

OP says it’s been his night to cook for years.

I’m really raising eyebrows at all these batch cooking, why not leave him a note/,eat marinading posts. Sod off, it’s his responsibility once a bloody week, he can do the thinking!

Sorry, didn't explain it fully IncrediblyHangry
I meant you both individually plan and cook several meals for the week, no way meaning you to do it all! He does 3 meals, you do 4, next week swap amounts.
No get out cards for him.
FWIW I absolutely agree that he has been a pathetic example of a partner and father today (sorry) and you are right to be well pissed off.
Have some and from me as your pudding.

Yes, rather than make dinner early, make extra for you both when you eat together a bit later, and then give it to the baby the next day. Because by the sound of it, you’re not eating together, and he is eating while you carry on working. How about taking it in turns to cook/settle the baby each night?

His behaviour is childish.

But op it sounds as if you do usually leave meat out for him to indicate what you want? In which case yabu.

Yanbu he needs to think, buy and make - not hard.

I'm so with you on this.

Today I was WFH and DH started dinner. He's a SAHD so dinners are his responsibility.

I told him I wanted a curry - easy peasy using curry paste, coconut milk and a tin of tomatoes.

Every. Single. Step. How should I cut the onions? How should I cut the green beans? Should I brown the mince?

Honestly, he knows all this stuff. He's not an idiot. But when I'm about (and if I'm at work he texts me all frigging day - at least I can ignore him!) he just relies on me to do all the thinking.

YANBU, he was particularly a lazy arse that time, and could probably do more in general.

So after finallydetaching from a fussy baby, I went out to be greeted by the lasagne and waffles. DH looked sheepish. I told him I was more than happy to eat such food and was impressed that he'd finally seen the light re shit convenience food
I told him I was delighted that he was no longer expecting proper homecooked dinners, as it would be much easier to make him beans and toast or supernoodlesevery night for dinner. I then asked him to think really hard before he expected me to sit down and eat the lasagne, as I would consider a new precedent was set from the first bite I took. He is now on his way to pick up an Indian (they are between delivery drivers at the minute)

He has lost the ability the think because you do it for him. You do this because its easier. He would now like to blame you for this loss of function because he can't even take take ownership for that.

Mine is the same. Useless.