To think DH should have just made the fucking dinner?

[IncrediblyHangry]

Username may have some bearing on my feelings on this matter.

DH works until 2 today. I work until 4. We have a baby who is a year old. I have a half hour commute from work and do all childcare drop offs. DH has a five minute walk. I work four days a week, DH five. Usually he gets home later than me, so I do most bedtimes, make dinner five days out of seven.

On Fridays my mum very kindly takes the baby,and I'll often stay for a chat when I call in after work, which DH knows. I am never home later than half five.

Often I will meal plan, or leave eg marinaded chicken breasts in the fridge for dinner on Friday, which DH cooks, but not always. Today I came home at quarter past five, and DH was grumpy- he had tried to call me to see what I wanted to eat,I had not replied. I checked my phone, he called when I was driving. Bear in mind he has been home for three hours. I said I didn't mind and as it was his night he could choose what he wanted. He said "but you didn't leave any meat out, I didn't know what you'd want"

I told him that i didn't care what I ate, I just wanted, for one night of the week, not to think about it. I wanted to come home to a hot dinner which required zero effort or input on my part, as he does every other night of the week. Neither of us are fussy eaters, both are good cooks. I refuse to do his thinking for him. We live three minutes away from a well stocked shop. He marched out to said shop in a huff, and has just returned with fucking ready meal lasagne and waffles. I manage to cook from scratch. Baby can't really eat salty crap like that and really needs to be in bed for half six, she is hungry so he'll have to make her porridge. Aibu to think this is a fucking joke?

I, however, am saying nothing. I absolutely refuse to take this on, it's his job

'Usually when a man prefers a woman to do his thinking for him, it means he’s spent a great deal of time being told that what he’s thinking is wrong...'

You keep telling yourself that.

Bit late to the party but minced beef curry is good. Never put coconut in it though. My MIL (who is Indian) has taught me some delicious Indian recipes. I cook some great curries now. Most people are surprised by the keema - but love it. Also potato and egg - most never considered egg in a curry but love it.

I love your response OP, hilarious he went for a curry. Hopefully you’ve told him now that he does the thinking for Friday. You could always write out a list of ‘Friday dinners’ between you and he can choose from one. He’s got 3hrs to pop to the shop on the way home and cook the dinner. What luxury to cook with no distraction.

Years ago when mine were small (youngest is 12 now) I used to commute up to London (1hr each way), do the pick up (ex DP used to drop off at least when I worked up in town. When more local I used to do both), cook dinner for 2 adults and 3 kids (one a teen so adult appetite), mainly meals from scratch but occasionally pizza etc. I used to do baths and bed. Ex DP strolled in and had his food warmed up for him and did F all. I was working full too then. More fool me for not making a stand though. Put your foot down and make sure he’s doing his share

But... where did the lasagna and waffles go?... I mean they were cooked? So...

When I was younger, my mum did most of the cooking as she was home with 2 kids but got so fed up of making the meal decisions AND cooking them. Now I'm older I really appreciate where she was coming from! My OH doesn't really cook and won't be shown either. He makes great omelettes and cheese on toast, bacon butties etc. But that's it. I don't mind cooking that much but what infuriates me is constantly being the one to make the decision. He isnt fussy, to be fair so does generally like whatever I throw together.
Last night, I finished work at 4 and he picked me up. DS12 was on his console when I got in and OH then sat in the dining room, listening to his music. I caught up on news, browsed MN, put a wash on etc but it got to 6.15 and neither of them had mentioned tea! Left to them, they'd not eat or just graze. So I huffed and puffed and said right" I'll go get Chinese then if no one wants tea!" Every bloody night I have to choose. Annoyingly, OH is also fond of saying "what do you fancy for tea?" His choice is always fucking kebab! So "what do you fancy for tea?" doesn't mean "what would you like?" It means "what are you going to make us?" I long to come home to something on the hob or in the oven, just once!

I can't believe some people are so offended that the OP (and others) don't want to eat convenience food. Calm down.

I don't think anyone's offended. People can more their own choices. It is still clearly 'fussy' though as much as someone refusing to eat other food types is. Fussy maybe is OK sometimes? It's also not compatible with 'I'll eat anything' though. I think some people are confused about her saying anything is fine as long as I don't have to cook and then getting offended when presented with what many would consider an edible, if uninspiring and less healthy, meal. I don't think offended is it at all.

I'm with you op. I can't stand always being the one to think, plan and decide things.

H often rings me at work (he mainly works from home) and asks me what shopping we need - while he's looking in the fridge

I decided years ago that it wasn’t worth having a divorce over food when we both had stressful full time jobs and children. So, instead, I instituted a meal plan where we had the same every week. Fish on Monday, curry on Tuesday, soup and a bun on Wednesday and Thursday. All of these were largely bought not made. On Friday I do a very lovely smorgasbord of cold collation either fish ( smoked salmon, prawns etc. )or Italian cured meats. On Saturday I do a fancy Nancy cooked dinner which I plenty of time to prepare ( and I love cooking) and on Sunday I do either spaghetti Bol or lasagne prepared on Friday and frozen.

No one complains too much and I never had to worry about people being late as everything will keep. I couldn’t get cross about super,ark eat soup however expensive or organic it was.

So a bit of upmarket ready made and some proper food and no quarrels.

Super,arket, not super, arc eat. Sorry, predictive text fail.

Well done OP, he could have just used his imagination. Completely on board with not having to think for my H.
Not complicated, if its your day to cook, you just do it.

I cried when I came home from hospital 4 days after having a baby and stbxh made beans on toast for dinner. He also used to call me mummy. Well done on making a stand OP!

Make it so Fridays are his night to cook so he knows again and that he can have ideas.

I have to do a lot of my DH's thinking too, OP.

It's infuriating. YANBU.

I get this. Hubs does the cooking two days a week, and he can cook perfectly well, but I have to bite my tongue as it's curry with sauce from a jar one day and ready made pies the other. And then he'll ask if we have the ingredients he needs in. I say it's your day, check the stock, do the planning and cook it yourself! Yes, it is annoying.

I feel your pain OP. I am currently unable to walk or bend down due to pelvic issues with late pregnancy. I am in constant pain, every exertion makes it worse and my doctor says it won't improve until the baby is born (will be a c-section).

For 10 days DH did no laundry, just threw clothes on the floor.... piles in every room grew and grew. Who was meant to pick them up and wash them, I wondered? Me, who is physically incapable of doing it? Or is he happily leaving it all for me to do as soon as I'm home post c-section? Or are we just never going to have clean clothes again?

I ran out of clothes first because I have limited outfits I can wear 9 months pregnant. I couldn't pack my hospital bag.

Eventually I said I was going to stay with my parents because I needed looking after and was met with a bewildered 'but you didn't ask me to do it?!'

WTAF. He knows we all wear clothes. He knows clothes need to be washed and put away. He was walking past towering piles of dirty clothes every day. He just didn't bloody think how all that should relate to him and how he spends his time.

In his defence he's been wonderful taking time off work, chasing after the toddlers and cooking dinner while I've been laid up.

But him filling in for me is just 'holding down the fort', doing the minimum, it doesn't occur to him to do the millions of invisible tasks that are necessary for us to not live in squalor.

It's so sexist, and it drives me nuts. When DH is unwell he gets to just be unwell and the world keeps turning. When I am unwell I apparently still have to be the captain, do all the thinking and make sure everything is done.

There's nothing wrong with that ready made lasagne tray!

He's a lazy and thoughtless man
Get a rota straight away so that nobody goes hungry again

It depends doesn't it? If he had just made whatever he wanted, is he likely to be criticised for his meal choice or the way he does it? Has it happened in the past and now he'd rather you just choose what you want?

I had this happen to me. We both worked the same jobs. I had a long staff meeting and was late home, exhausted. DH hadn't cooked anything. Came up with exactly the same excuse: I didn't know what you wanted me to cook. I told him that we were having bowls of cereal! Which we did. He never used that excuse again.

It is still clearly 'fussy' though

I don't think you understand what fussy means. Fussy is hard to please, not easily satisfied. OP is not hard to please. She would have eaten a vast range of other foods, and would have been satisfied with many different meals.

Not wanting a ready made lasagne and waffles because your husband can't be arsed to think for himself is really not fussy.

If he finishes at 2 why isn't he going and collecting his child then?

This!

I eat a vast range of foods but not: goats cheese, blue cheese, or any strong cheese, mackerel, sea bass, seafood, chilli, green pepper, lemon grass, kidneys, liver or quinoa.

I consider myself to be fussy as do most people I know - seems fair enough. There are a lot of ready meals on the market. Refusing to eat any of them is fussy IMHO. You're not exempted from being considered fussy just because the things you choose not to eat are more processed.

'I don't think anyone's offended'

Well the tone of their posts suggest othewise.

That absolutely is fussy though, 73sunglass. Not wanting to eat tasteless, processed stuff through your husband's laziness and pettiness when the convention is homemade isn't fussy.

Well the tone of their posts suggest othewise.

Perhaps that's your projection rather than what they've written.

That absolutely is fussy though, 73sunglass. Not wanting to eat tasteless, processed stuff through your husband's laziness and pettiness when the convention is homemade isn't fussy.

I disagree and can't understand what definition of fussy you are using. I know people who aren't fussy (my dad) and will literally eat any old shite you put in front of them: cordon bleu, all good; lasagne and waffles, all good too. Saying you don't eat a whole 'food group' of processed foods is fussy though I think is also fine. But then you need to say to people "I'll eat anything cooked from scratch" and not "I'll eat anything" as the latter is just blatantly not true.