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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH should have just made the fucking dinner?

232 replies

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:01

Username may have some bearing on my feelings on this matter.

DH works until 2 today. I work until 4. We have a baby who is a year old. I have a half hour commute from work and do all childcare drop offs. DH has a five minute walk. I work four days a week, DH five. Usually he gets home later than me, so I do most bedtimes, make dinner five days out of seven.

On Fridays my mum very kindly takes the baby,and I'll often stay for a chat when I call in after work, which DH knows. I am never home later than half five.

Often I will meal plan, or leave eg marinaded chicken breasts in the fridge for dinner on Friday, which DH cooks, but not always. Today I came home at quarter past five, and DH was grumpy- he had tried to call me to see what I wanted to eat,I had not replied. I checked my phone, he called when I was driving. Bear in mind he has been home for three hours. I said I didn't mind and as it was his night he could choose what he wanted. He said "but you didn't leave any meat out, I didn't know what you'd want"

I told him that i didn't care what I ate, I just wanted, for one night of the week, not to think about it. I wanted to come home to a hot dinner which required zero effort or input on my part, as he does every other night of the week. Neither of us are fussy eaters, both are good cooks. I refuse to do his thinking for him. We live three minutes away from a well stocked shop. He marched out to said shop in a huff, and has just returned with fucking ready meal lasagne and waffles. I manage to cook from scratch. Baby can't really eat salty crap like that and really needs to be in bed for half six, she is hungry so he'll have to make her porridge. Aibu to think this is a fucking joke?

I, however, am saying nothing. I absolutely refuse to take this on, it's his job

OP posts:
Fraggling · 27/09/2019 18:33

Ha yes do that.

Say what do you want.

He says don't mind

You go shop return with a pot noodle
Day 2 should be findus crispy pancakes
Day 3 one of those tins of beans with sausages in
I could go on 😁

Problem is he might not say don't know. He might say lobster thermidor tempura starter then pulled pork with fresh coleslaw and 3 times cooked chips. Soufflé to finish.

WonderWomansSpin · 27/09/2019 18:33

You're hangry. Eat some food. Sleep on it.
Then tell him you're not going to meal plan for Fridays or leave food out. He can plan and cook whatever he wants for you both. Agree a time when you'll eat eg 6pm and then leave him to it.

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:34

No, he's a very good cook and not once have I criticised what he cooks. He particularly excels at what we consider "Friday night" dinners - steak and homemade wedges, BBQ chicken, bread and corn.

OP posts:
IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:35

Fraggling Grin

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 27/09/2019 18:35

For someone unfussy you seem to be very fussy about a ready made lasagne.

Stop doing any prep work for Fridays. And let him choose. If you don't like the food then say so nicely after you have eaten not before. (thank you for cooking but I admit it's not my favourite).

katalavenete · 27/09/2019 18:37

Are you fussy with food OP or criticise what he cooks?

Ooh yes, let's try to find a way to disregard all the information provided and search for an angle where it's the woman's fault, not the obviously manipulative man. Hmm

altiara · 27/09/2019 18:37

I’d be fussy about ready made lasagne too!

user1493494961 · 27/09/2019 18:37

Go to the Chippy, it's Friday.

katalavenete · 27/09/2019 18:39

And let him choose.

Did you miss the part where he spent hours refusing to choose and then bought the lasagne as part of his tantrum?

Hopoindown31 · 27/09/2019 18:39

Ooh yes, let's try to find a way to disregard all the information provided and search for an angle where it's the woman's fault, not the obviously manipulative man. hmm

Just asking a question. No need to get the pitch fork out.

Hopoindown31 · 27/09/2019 18:40

Simple then tell him Fridays are on him and stop coddling him by leaving food out preprepared for him to cook most of the time.

ny20005 · 27/09/2019 18:40

I'd get a takeaway too

Most ready made lasagnas are grim (unless it's Tesco's finest one 😋)

Get him a pot noodle for Monday night lol

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/09/2019 18:40

If he finishes at 2 why isn't he going and collecting his child then?

Fraggling · 27/09/2019 18:41

100% kata

Kittenbittenmitten · 27/09/2019 18:41

I would be a bit annoyed but at least he didn't leave you go hungry. Waffles though? WTF.
If Friday is usually his responsibility, why was he expecting there to be marinated meat in the fridge? That's not taking responsibility.

Fraggling · 27/09/2019 18:41

Charlie bighams ready meals are v good but £££

I assuage my mild guilt about business by buying them :D

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 27/09/2019 18:42

You're hangry. Eat some food. Sleep on it.
Then tell him you're not going to meal plan for Fridays or leave food out. He can plan and cook whatever he wants for you both. Agree a time when you'll eat eg 6pm and then leave him to it.

Yep, this. Hopefully a one off and he's got the message.

Fraggling · 27/09/2019 18:42

Business

Busyness

Potatopia · 27/09/2019 18:43

Potato waffles or the sort you have with cream and syrup?

HolaVida · 27/09/2019 18:44

Think it’s all to do with expectations - it’s not really that fair to do all the prep/thought work others Fridays but then on this particular one just expect him to do it himself without letting him know.
(I’m not denying that he could equally have initiated a conversation with you about it if he wanted, several hours earlier than he did!!)

It’s just basic communication - have a conversation where you say ‘from now on on a Friday, why don’t you have a think about what you fancy to cook and make that?’ Then at least you both know where you each stand.

Winterlife · 27/09/2019 18:44

When things calm down, sit down and tell him that you want one day a week where you aren't concerned about dinner, which includes not only cooking, but organizing ingredients. Tell him he can choose what he wants to cook, including either buying the ingredients on his way home from work, or thawing them, but you expect a home cooked meal that baby can eat.

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:45

He doesn't collect because I have the car and mum likes having the baby for the day and having a chat with me afterwards.

So he has three hours to himself, which I don't begrudge, even though I don't get three minutes alone in the house, as long as he makes me a decent fucking dinner!

OP posts:
Turningtides · 27/09/2019 18:47

OP, I think this is just one night and these things happen. It does all sound a bit stringent, to be honest. It’s the weekend. Maybe order in?

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 27/09/2019 18:47

7pm isn't that late home. Surely he can cook half the week not only Fridays? DH and I take turns each night so one of us does bedtime and the other does dinner. We do a rough meal plan together at the weekend before the food shop - each of us says what we plan on cooking, stick it on a post-it on the fridge, and then we buy the ingredients. So during the week no thinking required - whoever's turn it is checks the post-it and makes the food. Usually less than 30 mins to cook during the week.

Honestly I think you're letting your DH off way too lightly. It's not like you're sat doing nothing at home while he's working!

IncrediblyHangry · 27/09/2019 18:48

I'm not fussy in that I will eat a wide variety of foods, but apparently I am fussy over ready made horse lasagne which so far has never featured in our repertoire because ffs who even eats that shit

OP posts:
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