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AIBU?

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Original poster

I lost my shit this morning... embarrassed and feel really shit

272 replies

cjt110 · 26/09/2019 11:17

and now feel like an awful, arsehole of a parent.

DS (5) was awake in the night with a nightmare. Which means I also was awake and didn't get back to sleep.

Drop off at school - he went into the playground fine. Playing with his friends. Then we headed over to where he goes in.

I heard him boss his friend about and told him off. A few parents were around at this point and i said something like "Leave F alone - he will do it in his own time" and asked DS to come and stand with me. He refused. I asked again so as to try and get him away from F. He refused again.

He then begun to walk off and i walked towards him and asked him to come to me because I wanted to talk to him. HE shouted at me that he would not and if i said to come to me again he wouldn't. That he would only do it if I didn't ask him. Fair few parents around the entrance at this point and I felt embarrassed that I can't even get my own 5 year old to come to me.

I walked tiowards him and told him that he was being naughty and i wanted him to come and stand with me because i wanted to talk to him. He stomped over, growled/screamed in anger at me. I said to him, in an angry tone he was not to do that and that I would tell his teacher about his behaviour. He then started ti beg me not to tell his teacher.

The doors opened. I gave him a kiss and a cuddle and he very solemnly went in.

It's been playing on my mind as we have had upset quote a few times on him going in (him saying he misses me) since he started Year 1.

I've just rung school and they said he did go in upset. Told the teacher he had had a falling out with me and i hadn't used kind words and that he was sad. He had some cuddles and TLC and was now OK.

Sounds silly I;m sure but I am SO embarrassed and also concerned they'll think I'm an awful mother and the previous upsets have been my fault too.

I jut want t go and get him from school and give him a cuddle and say I'm sorry. I feel really shit.

A mum commeneted "At least it's not just my child that can be like that" and a grandma I know said "Whats wrong with all these kids today - have they had a dose of nasty today?"

I feel so fucking upset that I lost my temper but I don't know how else i could get him to listen. I suppose beig watched by other oarents made me feel i HAD to act.

Fuck

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 26/09/2019 11:19

If he’s bossing his friend around then definitely do tell his teacher. They can keep an eye in case it crosses the line into bullying

Butchyrestingface · 26/09/2019 11:20

A mum commeneted "At least it's not just my child that can be like that" and a grandma I know said "Whats wrong with all these kids today - have they had a dose of nasty today?"

Why would they think you're an awful mother? Their comments suggest that they obviously thinks the fault lies with your son's behaviour and not your reaction.

Did you really phone the school to tell them you hadn't used "kind words" to your son?

Happyspud · 26/09/2019 11:23

The only embarrassing thing was that you called the school. Your DS sounded like he needed that kick in the arse (metaphorically). He was naughty, then disobedient and then rude. I hope to god you haven’t apologised to him!

solidgoldbaby · 26/09/2019 11:23

if he’s bossing his friend around then definitely do tell his teacher. They can keep an eye in case it crosses the line into bullying

Jeezo over reaction much? 🙄 most 5 year olds I know (and I have a five year old) are over excitable and a bit bossy.

You’re not a bad mum. I nearly lost the plot this morning over refusal of breakfast and general poor behaviour this morning 😩

Mrsjayy · 26/09/2019 11:24

Awful mothers don't phone the school and ask if their 5 year olds are ok awful mothers don't give a. Shit! You and he had a bad morning it happens maybe just say to him on pick up you are sorry he was upset but being bossy to his friends isn't kind and draw a line under it.

Original poster
cjt110 · 26/09/2019 11:24

Did you really phone the school to tell them you hadn't used "kind words" to your son? No, that is what he told them. I rang to check he was ok.

I am really struggling right now with his behaviour in not doing what I ask or tell him to do. And without shouting at him, he doesn't do it or listen.

OP posts:
theretheirtheyrenotno · 26/09/2019 11:24

@Butchyrestingface the child said that OP hadn't used kind words!

OP, we've all been there, he'll be home soon you can have a talk and see what's troubling him. My guess is tiredness, he's just back to school, the weather has changed and he may be feeling extra tired.

Don't worry, he'll be fine. Thanks

banana64 · 26/09/2019 11:25

This reply has been deleted

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Butchyrestingface · 26/09/2019 11:26

@Butchyrestingface the child said that OP hadn't used kind words!

Ah, #readingfail! Grin

Still, I wouldn't have been calling the school for that.

italianfiat · 26/09/2019 11:26

Sounds silly I;m sure but I am SO embarrassed and also concerned they'll think I'm an awful mother

He was being a little shit and he got Into trouble.why would they think you were a bad parent?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 26/09/2019 11:26

I dont think you lost your shit I have done and seen worse than that when stressed or tired.Dont be do hard on yourself he will have forgotten about it at home time.

Casander · 26/09/2019 11:26

From what you've posted it sounds like you handled it quite well and told him off because he needed telling off!

I'd much rather see a parent telling off a naughty child that needed it than one blatantly ignoring the bad behaviour, I wouldn't have judged you OP and I'm sure nobody else was either, we've all been there.

Kaddm · 26/09/2019 11:26

Hang on a minute. I don't think it sounds like you lost your shit!

He told the teacher you didn't use kind words. I don't see any evidence of that in your OP. Everything sounded factual and reasonable. If I was the teacher, I'd be thinking you called him a little shit or something when he says you didn't use kind words! Not that you correctly stated he had been naughty and you would tell his teacher.

theretheirtheyrenotno · 26/09/2019 11:26

Wow @banana64! How harsh!

Original poster
cjt110 · 26/09/2019 11:26

I feel so fucking useless right now.

I get in last night after going to a weight loss class - he's just about awake so i go in to him to say goodnight. Then he plays up for me. He can't sleep. Wants supper. Blah blah blah. Husband says to him "You've been good all day don't act up now" and it feels like it's always me he misbehaves for. And right now, I don't have the mental strength to cope.

I walked out of school thinking why is it always me having to shout him to come to me. Why doesn't he stand near me like the other kids do. Why is it always me he misbehaves for and not his Dad?

I just feel sad and broken

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 26/09/2019 11:27

God I thought you were going to say you smacked him or swore at him in front of all the other parents or something. It’s really not that bad.

theretheirtheyrenotno · 26/09/2019 11:28

@cjt110 read my earlier post, you've confirmed it he's tired! Calm evenings and a few early nights, he was late to bed last night.

Original poster
cjt110 · 26/09/2019 11:29

Apologise to him? Try parenting him. Wow fucking hell fire. Where did I say I was apologising to him?!

I think my tone would have upset him more perhaps because I was cross... and had told him I would tell his teacher.

I just don't know what to do. Everyone elses kids seem so nice, placid, obedient.

OP posts:
Coffeeandchocolate9 · 26/09/2019 11:29

Your behaviour as a mum sounds absolutely fine. I would have a cuppa and naice biscuit and forget about it if I were you. He was challenging boundaries. You went in low pressure, and only escalated when he didn't comply with a very basic and simple instruction. Two other parents (mum and gran) made supportive comments to you to let you know is not just your child, and you handled it appropriately.

Give yourself a hug, you're doing just fine xxx

banana64 · 26/09/2019 11:29

He's manipulating you because he knows he can. He knows u are now feeling guilty and he's playing on it.
Nip that in the bud now.
No apology to him. He behaved appallingly.
When he gets home I would be telling him that there is a new Sherrif in town and u won't be letting him conduct himself like that again. And mean it.
Jesus.people wonder why their teens end up telling them fuck off. Just deal with it now while he's learning he can manipulate u and get away with bad behaviour

banana64 · 26/09/2019 11:31

You said u wanted to go get him and say sorry. Your words. Not mine.
You said you wanted to apologise.

seastargirl · 26/09/2019 11:31

You're so not an awful mum and don't stress about him being upset going on. We're midway through the first term back and everyone from pupils to teachers are tired and totally back in reality of school everyday!

Year 1 is a bit of a shock to the system as the learning is suddenly much more structured than play related so he might be struggling with that.

Have a chat with him tonight and explain why you got cross and talk about how you expect him to be in the morning. My kids have got a little note off me in their pockets, so that if ever it's not been a good morning or they're missing me they can pull it out and read it to remember that no matter what they're loved!

Original poster
cjt110 · 26/09/2019 11:32

@banana64 Your message isn't really helpful. But thanks.

OP posts:
Houseworkavoider · 26/09/2019 11:32

What do you think you should have done??
He was behaving badly and you told him!
You told him to come and speak with you and he was rude to you.
He has now complained that you ‘didn’t use kind words’ so he still thinks that he can do what the hell he wants!
I would be having stern words with him after school and demanding an apology.
I would also say that if it happens again then I would

It sounds like the other parents/grandparents were sympathising with you rather than judging!
You did fine.

MiniCooperLover · 26/09/2019 11:32

OP, once they're in the playground and focussed on friends it often never goes well when you try and get their attention. I agree you should tell him not to be bossy but by pushing everything else you were unfortunately winding him up just as he was about to walk in. I wouldn't normally condone bad behaviour at all but just before they walk in the door for school can be a stressful time and is the wrong time (in my opinion).

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