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Original poster

I lost my shit this morning... embarrassed and feel really shit

272 replies

cjt110 · 26/09/2019 11:17

and now feel like an awful, arsehole of a parent.

DS (5) was awake in the night with a nightmare. Which means I also was awake and didn't get back to sleep.

Drop off at school - he went into the playground fine. Playing with his friends. Then we headed over to where he goes in.

I heard him boss his friend about and told him off. A few parents were around at this point and i said something like "Leave F alone - he will do it in his own time" and asked DS to come and stand with me. He refused. I asked again so as to try and get him away from F. He refused again.

He then begun to walk off and i walked towards him and asked him to come to me because I wanted to talk to him. HE shouted at me that he would not and if i said to come to me again he wouldn't. That he would only do it if I didn't ask him. Fair few parents around the entrance at this point and I felt embarrassed that I can't even get my own 5 year old to come to me.

I walked tiowards him and told him that he was being naughty and i wanted him to come and stand with me because i wanted to talk to him. He stomped over, growled/screamed in anger at me. I said to him, in an angry tone he was not to do that and that I would tell his teacher about his behaviour. He then started ti beg me not to tell his teacher.

The doors opened. I gave him a kiss and a cuddle and he very solemnly went in.

It's been playing on my mind as we have had upset quote a few times on him going in (him saying he misses me) since he started Year 1.

I've just rung school and they said he did go in upset. Told the teacher he had had a falling out with me and i hadn't used kind words and that he was sad. He had some cuddles and TLC and was now OK.

Sounds silly I;m sure but I am SO embarrassed and also concerned they'll think I'm an awful mother and the previous upsets have been my fault too.

I jut want t go and get him from school and give him a cuddle and say I'm sorry. I feel really shit.

A mum commeneted "At least it's not just my child that can be like that" and a grandma I know said "Whats wrong with all these kids today - have they had a dose of nasty today?"

I feel so fucking upset that I lost my temper but I don't know how else i could get him to listen. I suppose beig watched by other oarents made me feel i HAD to act.

Fuck

OP posts:
Dieu · 26/09/2019 21:01

It's called parenting your child!

Dieu · 26/09/2019 21:02

What I meant was OP, you did nothing wrong. Don't you dare beat yourself up over this SmileThanksWine

boujie · 26/09/2019 21:12

@banana64 the fact is that I don't believe anyone who is as aggressive and judgemental as you can be a perfect parent. It sounds like you've got great kids in spite of that, but your attitude on this thread is really not one I would want my kids to grow up displaying.

LemonPrism · 26/09/2019 22:04

He's playing up to you because you're the person closest to him in the world. He is absolutely sure you love him. So he thinks he can act up for your attention.

Tonnerre · 27/09/2019 08:34

I realised tonight, with husband and Mum's gentle guidance that I bark and snap at him.

Oh dear. It really does sound like your husband and mother do their best to undermine your perfectly good parenting.

Countryescape · 27/09/2019 08:52

This seems like a non event. This is just a normal day in my opinion

banana64 · 27/09/2019 09:58

@aprillygirl no need to be worried. They are already outstanding children and happy productive members of society.
Op maybe next time put a spoiler up saying you only want pandering too.
I still think you handled it appallingly and you will be back here in 10 years asking why he told u fuck off and walked out the door. I'm not interested in 'building up' people reading those kinds of people for the future.

MrsJBaptiste · 27/09/2019 10:07

If you think that is 'losing your shit' I dread to think what my neighbours think of me sometimes when the kids are being a handful!

Aprillygirl · 27/09/2019 10:25

So come on then banana64 tell us how you would have acted in OP's situation? Oh no you can't can you, because by some strange fluke of nature not one of your kids has never ever played up in their whole lives,so you've only ever experienced mini robots complete compliance haven't you? Confused

midsummabreak · 27/09/2019 11:21

Could you try; "you can have playtime before school and after school- , only if - ---you are kind to your friends and
-listen and come straight to stand next to mummy when i ask.
When i say one... two... you must run to me and stand next to me before I say.....three , or you will have to miss playtime after school and go straight home.

Of course this only works if you can continue spare 30 mins or whatever playtime before & after school.

Dont beat yourself up about your parenting, you are sleep deprived and dealing with a more defiant child can be far more challenging.

It is great you are able to supervise extra playtime before school and likely helps your five year old son to settle down for a busy day in the classroom. Young children often cope much better if they have had a good playtime before school to run off extra energy before having to sit still in class. Keep going and pat your self on the back for getting through a crap day

banana64 · 27/09/2019 11:23

Complete compliance? We don't need compliance when they know how to conduct themselves.

WhoTellsYourStory · 27/09/2019 11:51

Lots of useful comments on this thread. You can safely ignore banana's, OP.

Full disclosure: not a parent. I did teach children in Japan for a year. Once, a little girl whom I adored, but who was prone to over-excitedness, smacked me on the forearm whilst I was dealing with her classmate. My reaction was pure instinct; I turned around, and said, very loudly, "No! You do not smack!"

Her little face fell. "There was a bug," she said.

In that moment, I thought: I'm going to Hell.

I think it's natural to look back and think, if I'd only handled that differently. Especially when you've anxiety on top of everything else. But you're here, asking questions, thinking about the answers. I don't believe you're raising the next Charles Manson. Are you too soft? Maybe. But are you the kind of parent who is actively engaging and thinking about ways to adapt her parenting? Yes. That's a damn good parent in my view.

theretheirtheyrenotno · 27/09/2019 11:54

@banana64 but how do they know how to conduct themselves? As I said your "they know not to do that twice with me" comment cane across as you just put the fear of god into them and they're shot scared of you!

It's a horrible parenting style but I suppose you've got your scared to do anything wrong children which is what you want.

I do no believe that the life you're describing with them thinking you're wonderful is true,

Six children and none of them done a thing wrong?

windandme · 27/09/2019 12:11

I wouldn't be surprised if @banana64 s kids had a different side to the story.

Hopefully they won't grow up with the same nasty attitude, the world needs less people like that or more like op.

windandme · 27/09/2019 12:11

And more like op.

rededucator · 27/09/2019 12:20

I find it interesting that parents use 'telling your teacher' as a threat. Thoughts?

banana64 · 27/09/2019 12:27

God you lot are thick.
No scared children.
No robots. A wonderful warm relationship.
Are ye all so shit at parenting that you just cannot concierge of someone managing to raise fabulous children well. There are no issues. No rows. I hate to disappoint ye but my children dont have a different sorry to tell. They adore me. And their father.
I'm so sorry for ye that you have accepted a shit level of parenting.
Like I said no wonder uk is in the shit.

JassyRadlett · 27/09/2019 12:32

Well they would say that wouldn’t they. Grin

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/09/2019 12:34

I teach year 1 and I can’t begin to count the number of mums I’ve had crying in the shared area because they’re going through a tough time. Usually the kids are fab at school but causing havoc at home. I’m sure it will pass. Flowers

windandme · 27/09/2019 12:36

God you lot are thick.

Are ye all so shit at parenting that you just cannot concierge of someone managing to raise fabulous children well

I'm so sorry for ye that you have accepted a shit level of parenting.

Like I said no wonder uk is in the shit.

Nice. Hmm

passionfruit11 · 27/09/2019 12:47

Not RTFT but I think you handled it really well! I would have done the same. If I had been one of the other mums in the playground that witnessed it I wouldn't have gave it a second thought. Try and get caught up on sleep and you'll feel better about everything

Beesandcheese · 27/09/2019 12:51

Actually phoning the school is exactlya behaviour of controlling parents. Trying to manage how others see the behaviour.

OP:
I think you're being too hard on yourself. It's Friday. A lot of us are tired and still settling into it. Be realistic 5 year olds do push back, you can't be all bad as he wants to look good to his teacher. There's a boundary/ authority he's taken on. Of course he pushes with you. You're his safety net.

Aprillygirl · 27/09/2019 12:57

Banana you keep spouting the same old shit, but you won't answer the questions which are-have any of your perfect kids ever in their lives played up? If not what drugs are you feeding them? why not? If so how did you go about teaching them the correct way to behave? Please please tell us mere mortals who have such normal terrible kids that sometimes dare to push the boundaries.

banana64 · 27/09/2019 12:59

Nah. Cos you are rude. I dont have to give them drugs and my children are normal.
Not my fault you haven't a clue.

Tweetingmagpie · 27/09/2019 13:02

Op please don’t beat yourself up over this, You did nothing wrong he sounds like he was being naughty and then like others said disobedient and rude, which are all normal things for a 5 year old to be sometimes!

It won’t be anything that hasn’t happened to any of the other mums at some point and you don’t sound like you handled it too badly.

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