I lost my shit this morning... embarrassed and feel really shit

[cjt110]

and now feel like an awful, arsehole of a parent.

DS (5) was awake in the night with a nightmare. Which means I also was awake and didn't get back to sleep.

Drop off at school - he went into the playground fine. Playing with his friends. Then we headed over to where he goes in.

I heard him boss his friend about and told him off. A few parents were around at this point and i said something like "Leave F alone - he will do it in his own time" and asked DS to come and stand with me. He refused. I asked again so as to try and get him away from F. He refused again.

He then begun to walk off and i walked towards him and asked him to come to me because I wanted to talk to him. HE shouted at me that he would not and if i said to come to me again he wouldn't. That he would only do it if I didn't ask him. Fair few parents around the entrance at this point and I felt embarrassed that I can't even get my own 5 year old to come to me.

I walked tiowards him and told him that he was being naughty and i wanted him to come and stand with me because i wanted to talk to him. He stomped over, growled/screamed in anger at me. I said to him, in an angry tone he was not to do that and that I would tell his teacher about his behaviour. He then started ti beg me not to tell his teacher.

The doors opened. I gave him a kiss and a cuddle and he very solemnly went in.

It's been playing on my mind as we have had upset quote a few times on him going in (him saying he misses me) since he started Year 1.

I've just rung school and they said he did go in upset. Told the teacher he had had a falling out with me and i hadn't used kind words and that he was sad. He had some cuddles and TLC and was now OK.

Sounds silly I;m sure but I am SO embarrassed and also concerned they'll think I'm an awful mother and the previous upsets have been my fault too.

I jut want t go and get him from school and give him a cuddle and say I'm sorry. I feel really shit.

A mum commeneted "At least it's not just my child that can be like that" and a grandma I know said "Whats wrong with all these kids today - have they had a dose of nasty today?"

I feel so fucking upset that I lost my temper but I don't know how else i could get him to listen. I suppose beig watched by other oarents made me feel i HAD to act.

Fuck

It’s part of the whole parental bonding thing eye roll “my kids are so awful we’ve all been there” etc thing is some of us haven’t but if you say that you get turned on. Well behaved kids the last taboo!

I don’t even think it sounds like you lost your shit.

My son is the same age and I psycho screamed at him last week because he wouldn’t get out of the car when I was on the school run.

5 year olds, in general, are difficult and testing. Don’t beat yourself up.

Yep. Crappy parents looking to others for validation and turning on others when they don't get it.

No I won't laugh along with u at the schoolgate while your bad behaved child throws a tantrum and you want to apologise to him.

Honestly I can't imagine anyone would want to hang out with you at the school gate so you probably won't be having that problem anyway.

Very good advert for not having too many children, what a delight it's turned you in to.

God you lot are thick.
No scared children.
No robots. A wonderful warm relationship.
Are ye all so shit at parenting that you just cannot concierge of someone managing to raise fabulous children well. There are no issues. No rows. I hate to disappoint ye but my children dont have a different sorry to tell. They adore me. And their father.
I'm so sorry for ye that you have accepted a shit level of parenting.
Like I said no wonder uk is in the shit.

Shouts massive anger issues to me!

We are shit, our parenting is shit, the uk is shit?

But you your husband and six kids are perfect!

You're deluded and talking absolute shit!

How anyone can have six children and say none of them were ever naughty etc, is ridiculous..... unless of course you've birthed six robots?

Sorry you also called us thick.

So that tirade and you're a good nice parent!

It is him not you. This morning my just turned 3 year old and six year old had been to the toilet and were sat on the sofa waiting to leave. The youngest is 17 months younger and had been on the potty and so I put her in the buggy on a bin bag which needs to be arranged and wellies which took a while. Go back to get 3 year old and he has done a wee in the youngest's potty and then tipped it slowly onto the carpet, sofa and door. The 6 year old just watched him without saying a word. We were 20 minutes late for school. I couldn't leave until it was cleaned up. Does he get pocket money? My daughter loved her pocket money when she won't come after 1, 2, 3 then I start the pocket money countdown until she comes £2 then £1.90 and so on. It usually works a treat.

So funny. You lot really can't face it can ye.
What a scream.
And as if I'd hang out with us lmfao.

Dear God what has happened to Mumsnet? You used to be able to discuss this sort of thing in a vaguely intelligent and understanding manner. Now sensible discourse is disrupted by those who are antagonistic and just want to score points off others. It's really sad.

Fair enough if you have a different viewpoint and want to expand on it in a reasonable way. Pretty crap if you have just come on here to blow your own trumpet and to enjoy putting others down.

In all seriousness though op, although I agree with how you're parenting, I do think you sound lien anxiety is a problem for you. Having been there myself, I'm not saying it to be a cow either.

Is that it? Where did you loss your shit?

I must have missed that part.

I am really struggling right now with his behaviour in not doing what I ask or tell him to do. And without shouting at him, he doesn't do it or listen.

Sorry op, but it sounds like you are ‘bossing him around’ which might be why he’s doing that to the other kids.

Try talking to him the way you would want him to talk to his friends..
e.g. are you ready to come inside now?

If he says no, have a conversation with him, tell him why you want him to.

He’s 5, he should be reasonable by now, but might need practice if you’ve never done it before.

@banana64 You're cracking me up. So none of your 6 kids has ever once displayed any bad behaviour in their entire lives? And yet somehow you still managed to teach them that bad behaviour wouldn't be tolerated, without them providing you any examples so that you could teach them that exact lesson?

In the extreme unlikelihood that this is true, you just happened to birth six unbelievably docile children and it has absolutely nothing to do with your parenting. They could've grown up in the woods and would still be the perfect Stepford Kids you describe.

Nah. Cos you are rude. I dont have to give them drugs and my children are normal.
Not my fault you haven't a clue.

Haha talking bullshit then just as I thought.

OP you haven’t done anything wrong. He didn’t listen and you told him off. That’s how it is and he’s at school now, he can’t just do what he wants.

Phoning the school or wanting to apologise to your son is not what you want to be doing if you want to nip the behaviour in the bud, otherwise it will just become about control. You sound nice and caring but I have to say, all the badly behaved kids I know at school do have the lovely but pushover mums who placate and plead with zero effect and their kids are avoided by many. Stand by your convictions

I haven't read the 11 pages of responses but I want to say that I think we've all been there and reassure you that it really doesn't sound like you lost your shit even though it may feel that way.

Another important thing to know is that kids very much do behave for others generally better than for their mum (or "safe" person). Contrary to what you're thinking, if they behave for everyone else and only have break downs with you, it shows that you ARE a good parent and they know how to behave because you have taught them well. Young children will hold it together and behave all day, but that is somewhat stressful for them. They are learning to behave and conform to an extent in a civilized setting. When they see their mum or other "safe" person, who they know loves them no matter what, all the stress, tension, etc is allowed out, resulting in crying, etc. It's not because you're not good enough, it's because you're the best in their eyes.

It's hard for little ones to put in their days work at school, but it's necessary. That transition is stressful to them. Just keep being there for them with a cuddle etc. Forgive yourself for losing patience. He definitely will forgive you.

Why would you tell the teacher. You are the parent not them manage the situation. I have never said I will tell the teacher and I’m a lax parent compared to others on here.

Agree that it would be a far greater concern if your son never felt safe enough with his parent to let his guard down and show his built up tension through a mini meltdown
Wise words from HaileySherman

Agree that it would be a far greater concern if your son never felt safe enough with his parent to let his guard down and show his built up tension through a mini meltdown

Like @banana64's 'perfect' kids you mean?

user1511042793 she probably said it because she felt so helpless at what to do.

Also never wake a sleeping kid or a half asleep one. You could've said goodnight when you got in and he was fast asleep. He was acting up because you woke him up again basically.