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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

273 replies

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:37

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

OP posts:
DontLookBackIntoTheSun · 25/09/2019 08:39

Your dog, your vet bill. Pay it with the money you’ve saved by not paying for doggy day care

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 25/09/2019 08:40

You are the owner so the vets bills are your responsibility IMO. However as MIL has proved she cannot be responsible for Hector, I would move him to doggy daycare.

MatildaTheCat · 25/09/2019 08:41

Hmm tricky because some of these things happen even in the most careful home. On this occasion perhaps offer to split the bill (don’t fully understand how it’s not worth claiming insurance if it’s hundreds?) .

Then offer to help dog proof the house. Remember not only her possessions are at risk, so is your dog. He will chew on something dangerous at some point.

If she can’t keep him safe it will be daycare but that’s surely the most expensive option of all?

sherridan · 25/09/2019 08:41

I think the bigger issue here is your dog's welfare, if MIL is allows him to eat harmful things and refuses to make her home safe for him. I think I would be looking for daycare.

SauvignonBlanche · 25/09/2019 08:42

It’s your dog so it’s your Vet bill.

NumberblockNo1 · 25/09/2019 08:42

Your dog your vet bill.

HolesinTheSoles · 25/09/2019 08:43

It's one thing not to replace chewed up shoes but you do need to pay the vet bill for your own dog - Mil isn't a professional dog day care. If you think Mil can't take care of the dog well enough then go for a professional.

EskewedBeef · 25/09/2019 08:44

There's no doubt that the vet's bill is yours. You have to accept that things will go wrong if you leave your dog with someone inexperienced and doing it as a favour.

WaterSheep · 25/09/2019 08:44

You should pay.

You knew she hasn't been careful to move things or puppy proof the house, but you still sent him. It was predictable that something like this would happen eventually.

Marzipane · 25/09/2019 08:44

I do see your point, because he only needed vet care because of her not properly puppy proofing.

But I still think you are 100% liable for the vet bill, she didn't mean for him to get poorly and it's just one of those things.

I certainly wouldn't be leaving the dog in her care again, save yourself the worry and potential of more issues by using doggy daycare now, you have a valid reason.

NoSquirrels · 25/09/2019 08:44

Your dog, your bill, regardless of who was looking after him.

You cannot seriously expect MIL to foot a bill of £000s? Isn’t your relationship with her and goodwill worth more?

I would pay the bill but say it’s time to put him back in doggy daycare or ask her to mind him at your house instead.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 25/09/2019 08:44

Damage - no, she pays.

Vet bills - yes, you pay.

And reconsider your dog-sitting arrangements because your mother-in-law's inability to apply common sense is putting your dog at risk. (Mistakes do happen but repeated failures are just silly.)

pasturesgreen · 25/09/2019 08:44

You need to revert to doggy day care pronto.

MountPheasant · 25/09/2019 08:46

Pay the vet bill, put hector in day care. If MIL objects tell her she can have him again on the understanding that she starts puppy proofing and further breakages are her responsibility.

Celticrose · 25/09/2019 08:46

I think the bigger issue here is your dog's welfare, if MIL is allows him to eat harmful things and refuses to make her home safe for him. I think I would be looking for daycare

This

ThinkerThunkk · 25/09/2019 08:46

Your dog, your bill - why isnt your dog insured ?

DriftingLeaves · 25/09/2019 08:47

Your dog, you pay. Why would you think otherwise?

RebootYourEngine · 25/09/2019 08:47

I don't think Mil is capable of looking after your dog, think it's time he went to doggy day care.

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:48

Ok so it would seem that IABU Grin I just feel so irritated that our repeated attempts to discuss making the environment safe for him are ignored, she’s adamant that she wants to look after Hector, yet we have to foot the bill when things go wrong and she is at fault Angry
But we will pay and start looking for a suitable doggy day care!

OP posts:
ControversialFerret · 25/09/2019 08:48

You pay the vet bill and don't leave him with her again. She clearly can't look after him properly.

Troels · 25/09/2019 08:48

You have to pay the bill.
However she doesn't learn and doesnt seem to want to does she?
Book doggy daycare, the dog could have eaten a pile of something harmful and be dead by now. She can't be trusted to keep the dog safe in her home.

bridgetreilly · 25/09/2019 08:49

Of course you pay for the vet. She'll need to replace her own store cupboard things though.

But I agree with others, she's not competent to look after the dog.

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:49

@ThinkerThunkk he is insured, I’ve explained this in my post

OP posts:
Fairylea · 25/09/2019 08:50

Your dog your vets bill!

You need to find different pet care. It’s going to cause damage to the relationship otherwise.

SelfishandNotProud · 25/09/2019 08:51

I'd pay the bill but I'd also be putting him back in daycare as your MIL clearly isn't responsible enough to look after him.

If she asks, explain that you just cannot afford to keep paying for things like this.

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