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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

273 replies

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:37

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

OP posts:
Aaarrgghhh · 25/09/2019 11:31

Also curious as to what the dog ate to need warrant such a high vet bill.

Adviceorhelp · 25/09/2019 12:00

You have to pay the vet bills for your dog. That’s how grown up lives are. Maybe see if MIL wants to adopt Hector? Thereafter she could take over the vet bills.

SoBloodySleepy · 25/09/2019 12:31

There's a few things a dog could eat which requires emergency attention. Grapes/raisins for example, even in a small amount can be highly toxic to dogs.

My dog when he was a pup once ate a HUGE bag of cat food because he got in a cupboard and we very nearly had to take him to the emergency vet because his stomach swelled massively. Their stomachs can twist if they eat too much and most pups don't know when to stop so will keep eating and eating.

Aaarrgghhh · 25/09/2019 12:37

SoBloodySleepy Oh wow, I didn’t know that. Would I be silly to ask then if dogs get full? Because to eat a whole bag and the stomach swelled they must have nothing telling them they are full or they don’t understand or are just greedy lol

MelonSlice · 25/09/2019 12:41

Their stomachs can twist if they eat too much and most pups don't know when to stop so will keep eating and eating

This can also happen if you have exercised your dog and then let them drink lots of water.

Justgivemesomepeace · 25/09/2019 12:45

Id pay the vet bill and sort out doggy day care. If she is looking after him, she has a responsibility to keep him safe.
She is repeatedly failing to doggy proof her house, then i dont think you can leave him with her.

slipperywhensparticus · 25/09/2019 12:47

It cost is £25 per dog per injection when they ate my travel sickness pills that's not including the Sunday price hike on the consultants fee if they didn't puke them up they would have gone further and more invasive

Aderyn19 · 25/09/2019 12:48

I voted yanbu. I think she caused the problem and she ought to foot the bill and not be left alone with the dog anymore.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2019 12:49

A few years ago a horse near us died after being repeatedly fed inappropriate food by the public.

A field with horses near us has a sign "Please do NOT feed these ponies.The big one is on a special diet. The other bugger bites!" The owner says they still have problems with idiots offering an apple, or a slice of bread. The ill horse has laminitis and bread in particular is very bad for it. In addition to this, the horses occasionally fight over treats that are THROWN into the field (eg polo mints) because people are frightened of getting bitten. She's sick to her back teeth of it.

(Sorry - slight de-rail)

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/09/2019 12:50

@Alohabelle

Something I haven't seen anyone mention and really DOES need mentioning..

*You MUST inform your insurer that your dog has been treated for accident/injury/illness.

Whether you claim or not.*

To not do so is potentially fraudulent as it may affect further claims (for example if this has done lasting damage to his digestive system and you later claim for a digestive problem).

So you may as well claim, because its going to affect his policy regardless.

If you neither claim nor inform them, theres a really strong chance that when they later find out (And they will should you claim again as they will get his history from your vet) that you failed to inform them, they will refuse your claim and possibly cancel his policy entirely.

I think I'd be inclined to ask her to pay the insurance excess or contribute to it, as it's an issue she's been made aware of repeatedly, and she's failed to take action.

I'd also put the dog into doggy daycare from now on.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2019 12:55

Would I be silly to ask then if dogs get full? Because to eat a whole bag and the stomach swelled they must have nothing telling them they are full or they don’t understand or are just greedy lol

Some dogs Aaaaargh just are so fucking greedy that they will literally make themselves ill - most labradors, beagles, staffordshire bull terriers and my sodding cocker spaniels among them!

And if they pig out on dried food, and then have a drink of water (because they're thirsty after all of that kibble) their stomachs will quite literally rupture. It can happen in a matter of hours and is agonisingly painful.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2019 12:57

You MUST inform your insurer that your dog has been treated for accident/injury/illness.

Whether you claim or not.

That's right.

And then they will promptly exclude any condition even mildly related to the illness/injury.

Insurers are bastards.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 25/09/2019 13:03

I bet that she'll puppy proof her house when she gets her own dog and has to foot the bill for the destruction /vets fees herself :)

SoBloodySleepy · 25/09/2019 13:03

and my sodding cocker spaniels among them!

Mines and Cocker and he's the greediest thing I've ever seen in my life. He'd eat till he collapsed dead if I let him, and that's not even a joke!

SoBloodySleepy · 25/09/2019 13:04

Mines a*

Aaarrgghhh · 25/09/2019 13:04

SchadenfreudePersonified Bloody hell, that sounds terrifying. I didn’t realise any of that (I don’t have a dog so no harm done or anything) and if I ever do get a dog, I’ll be keeping that in mind.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 25/09/2019 13:05

If it's costing you a lot in compensation to MIL, why not use that money on day care?

GPatz · 25/09/2019 13:12

Pay the bill, move the dog. MIL had her chance, it's tough if she's upset.

justasking111 · 25/09/2019 13:12

Your MIL is an idiot, find day care for your dog. Oh and never let her have your children either. What would happen if she left the bleach cupboard open for instance.

Seriously if she is that forgetful could your MIL be unwell dementia etc???

goldfinchfan · 25/09/2019 13:13

However I do think the time has come for Doggy Day care.
Tell MIL that you can't afford to pay for all the damage that Hector is causing.
Mil would soon learn to puppyproof if she gets her own puppy.

Beautiful3 · 25/09/2019 13:13

Pay the bill. He is yours. Pay for doggy daycare if you dont trust her judgement.

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/09/2019 13:17

Schadenfreude - depends on the policy, if its a 'lifetime policy then no they won't.

If it's not, then yes but then if they find out you didn't inform them, they will do that anyway and probably cancel the whole policy and then, a new insurer will also put an exclusion on that particular issue too...

Aaaarrgghh

Dogs are 'designed' to over eat and use their stomachs to carry stuff home, so they can eat a huge amount...

However we have meddled with dogs and created some breeds with such deep chests and long backs that the stomach can move quite a long way, and twist, making it impossible for the dog to burp excess gas, or vomit or shit..... the stomach can twist, it can rupture, it can cause other organs to die off too!

My Deerhound had a GD&V at 18 months, her stomach twisted, cutting off blood supply to her spleen. Surgery saved her and she's now 12 and doing well but her spleen was removed and her stomach had to be stapled to her ribs to stop it ever happening again.

She hadn't even over eaten, nor did she look as if she was bloated!

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 25/09/2019 13:17

I think the bigger issue here is your dog's welfare, if MIL is allows him to eat harmful things and refuses to make her home safe for him. I think I would be looking for daycare.

This ^^

Get doggy daycare set up again. Your MIL has saved you money but she's clearly not a good dog sitter. Pay your own dog's vet bill and use this final experience as a valid reason to cease the arrangement. It's just not working.

20viona · 25/09/2019 13:21

Your dog you pay!

imnotinthemood · 25/09/2019 13:21

Also agree your dog your vet bill .
If it was say a pair of mil slippers she should replace because she should put them away .
Also agree mil not responsible for dog it's resulted in a trip to vets what next ?
Dogs are huge responsibility and costly a bit like children .

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