To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

[Alohabelle]

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

See the bill before you pay it! Is MiL pulling a fast one? So many incidents requiring you to put your hand in your pocket seem a little unlikely. It's not as if she's an old lady who struggles to cope!

Give young dog old shoes to chew; claim cost of new shoes from DS and DiL. Want to go grocery shopping? Give empty packaging to dog to rip up; bingo, free shopping trip! And so on.

Once you've set up the pattern and feel secure that nobody is suspicious, go for the big vet bill.

Is this just my nasty suspicious mind? Either way, she must be the most expensive dog minder you could have - has your DH added it all up to compare with professional rates?

And is she exercising the dog as a sitter would or is the destructiveness, if it is real, down to boredom and lack of outdoor opportunities?

But we will pay and start looking for a suitable doggy day care! That's the only solutuon, really.

No matter what she says she is NOT looking after him well enough, for his health or her possessions.

So she doesn't get to insist. You pay the vets bill, make it clear Hector's health is paramount and sling him into doggy day care! If she wants a dog she can get one... she'ss soon start to puppy proof her home then.

And don't let your DH dissuade you - ask him bluntly if his mum's insistence is worth the dogs ill health and the hundreds of pounds it costs you to put things right? A known and regular amount of money is far easier to afford than sudden large bills caused by carelessness.

I agree that it's your bill, but you are right to move the dog to more dependable care. Occasional lapses are human - as a lifelong dog owner even I can still get distracted and forget things. Although, to be fair, by the age of 1 your dog is definitely not a puppy and should have learned better manners - none of mine would have routinely gone through cupboards or chewed things up because they have been trained to behave better! Admittedly in their early days, and I mean the first couple of months, we have had a few issues of chewing, but training on "mine" and "yours" always fixes that.

On a slightly different note though, if mum isn't "learning" despite all these incidents, have you considered that this might be an issue worth checking on? Is she "forgetful" of a lot of things?

As this keeps happening. I would put Hector in daycare for his own safety. She may be upset, but you now have a valid reason. You are responsible for damage and vets bill - it's your dog - especially as she has looked after him for free. Her offering is neither here nor there.

Definitely think you need professional care now. The dog isn't safe with your MIL as she has had numerous chances.

The next time it could be fatal.

I would put him into doggy day care. She’s risking his health by not being competent with puppy proofing the house.

You've definitely been looking at this wrong. Think of what's best for the dog, would you leave a child repeatedly in someone's care because they want to but weren't up to it?

Find alternative arrangements definitely.

Pay the vets bill, get a dog sitter as you mil sounds incompetent.

Chalk it up as an experience. It’s done . It hadn’t worked, you’ve got the above alternative.

How’s Hector ☹️

Definitely your bill since it's your dog. You must have saved enough from not paying for day care that you can offset it.

If this is a continuous problem, I would have the dog in day care anyway. Also, have you tried puppy training classes? They might help you teach him not to eat things he shouldn't.

Your dog your bill but I fail to see how dog eating the wrong stuff can run up a bill of hundreds unless he needed surgery ? Doggy day care or a dog walker sounds best .

Pay the vet bill but then arrange doggy day care and just say it is cheaper for you to pay for doggy daycare than keep forking out for her lack of dog proofing.

If she really wants to look after the dog make it clear that you're not paying to replace anything anymore or pay for any more vet bills, and if the dog needs emergency care again then it can't go on.

Your dog. Your bill.

Put him in daycare. They have their own insurance for things like this.

This is why you shouldn't leave him with someone unqualified and uninsured, even if it is your MIL.

Would you let her care for your children again if they got into the chemical cupboard while in her care? So many foods are poisonous for dogs, time to go to dog day care.

I agree with the others - pay the bill but move him to someone responsible/capable. You don't have the right to insist she has certain standards but you do have the right not to leave the dog with her. Is she likely to be offended?

I voted yanbu, I'm really surprised at the vote to honest, if it was the first or even the second time I'd pay but at this stage it is ridiculous. One thing is for sure I wouldn't allow the dog back there, it's not just the money, what about the dogs health

I agree with Nearlygranny, I'd be suspicious about it all and that he's bloody bored.

@bengalcat

The labrador, belonging to our friends, found and ate their Christmas cake and needed his stomach pumped which cost £250.

Your dog, your vet bill sadly.

But I think Hector should go to doggy day care following this, before it ends up causing a huge family argument.

I think you need to change to doggy daycare. She may love having your dog but she doesn't look after him properly. I know accidents do happen but this is persistent slackness in her side.

This time it was food, next time it could be something more toxic, lots of chocolate, a dishwasher tablet, cleaning products etc. I had a lab. He would grab first and scoff before knowing what it was. He once nabbed a dishwasher tablet out of my hand and I luckily got it back before it was consumed.

The dog isn’t safe with your mil. If she gets herself a dog, it needs to be more docile, probably a rescue and not driven to steal food or anything, which may be food.

Your dog, your vet's bills.

I would be getting extremely frustrated with her for not learning to close cupboard doors/pick things up though. You'd think the first time he chewed something or got into a box that he shouldm't have she would have learnt her lesson. Has she ever owned a dog before?

And what happens next time she leaves a cupboard open?

I'd pay the bill, but find doggy day care...as you would have done if MIL never offered.

This arrangement, would leave me wondering when the next damage will happen and I'll be faced with an unexpected bill.

Because you are responsible for your own dog's health and behaviour @CalmdownJanet plus mil was unpaid and not a professional. They should have put him into daycare after first few times.

Also sounds as though they should change insurance company!

I would pay the bill....then if you dont want to damage relations with MIL and your house is already dog proof why not try her babysitting Hector at your house instead of hers? Than way she still gets time with Hector that she clearly adores and no more accidents can happen?

You want your MIL to pay your vet bill for YOUR dog...absolutely not.