Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

273 replies

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:37

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

OP posts:
GreatBigNoise · 25/09/2019 09:23

I just feel so irritated that our repeated attempts to discuss making the environment safe for him are ignored

Fair enough for conceding that YABU. 😊
I think you were thinking about this in a weird way. You were irritated that your MIL won’t make the house puppy proof but you still kept sending the dog there. That’s daft. You have to take some responsibility for the dog injuring itself.

Daylily34 · 25/09/2019 09:24

Your dog your vets bill.

If you are not happy with MILs care of the dog for whatever reason - don’t leave your dog with her - same as you wouldn’t with a toddler

poppycity · 25/09/2019 09:25

I think your last statement is the best way forward, pay and get doggy daycare. Young dogs are lots of work and he will come to more harm under her care, not because she doesn't love him but it's obviously too much for her. She can visit with Hector other times. Hope he's okay!

Vilanelle · 25/09/2019 09:25

I have to agree with pp that the dog is yours so it's your vet bill. I would also reassess dog care situation as this clearly isn't working.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 25/09/2019 09:25

As a one off I would have probably compensated her for the expenses but not repeatedly and she’s clearly proven she’s incapable of looking after a dog properly despite your help and advice. I think you do need to suck up the vets bill tho and don’t let her look after the dog again. Explain to her (nicely) x

Span1elsRock · 25/09/2019 09:28

In all seriousness, she's proved that she's not responsible for him. He could end up eating something that could kill him.

Send him to daycare where he is safe. Nothing else matters.

OhJustElfOff · 25/09/2019 09:29

It is your bill, however I know in this situation my MIL would offer to pay and the offer alone would be enough to make me feel less bitter, probably wouldn't take her up on it. DM would make me pay and it would annoy the hell out of me as she would blame ddog but guess which one always insists on having ddog then complaining about any issues

Idontwanttotalk · 25/09/2019 09:29

I hope your MIL doesn't get her own dog once yours is in day care as she clearly isn't sufficiently safety-conscious.

painauchocolat84 · 25/09/2019 09:29

What did he eat that cost hundreds of pounds in vet bills?! misses point of thread

ChuckleBuckles · 25/09/2019 09:30

I hope Hector is ok after his vet trip, doggy daycare is the right thing to do here for your pup 🐶

CuriousaboutSamphire · 25/09/2019 09:32

Also sounds as though they should change insurance company! Why? She said it was the excess that was the issue, cheaper to pay the bill! People choose such levels when they take out insurance.. it is not a problem with the insurance itself.

Unknownanon · 25/09/2019 09:32

MIL should have puppy proofed however the dog is yours, so you pay. She has shown she's irresponsible though and not willing to puppy proof and protect the puppy's health or her own belongings so definitely find somewhere else.

AhNowTed · 25/09/2019 09:34

You would seriously stiff your MIL with this vet bill. Charming.

As with all free care, if you don't like it, pay for a professional.

Drum2018 · 25/09/2019 09:38

Don't leave the dog with her again. She cannot be trusted and no amount of her wanting to mind the dog compensates for costing you hundreds of pounds in vets bills. I'd rather pay professional minders and know the dog is safe.

NoSauce · 25/09/2019 09:38

I don’t understand why and how you’ve let this go on for so long knowing how irresponsible she is! I’m glad to read that you’re going to use doggy day care.

If it’s only in the morning could you not just use a dog walker instead though?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2019 09:39

The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

Your dog, your responsibility - but what sort of pet insurance you have that isn't worth claiming on when your bill is "hundreds of pounds"?

Our excess (on a pretty comprehensive policy) is £95 - and the dogs are always very careful to have accidents that are just under or just over this princely sum.

The buggers!)

TBH - I'd be more worried that MIL's actions led to the dog being seriously hurt or even killed, than having to pay a few bills.

Zaphodsotherhead · 25/09/2019 09:41

Maybe point out to MIL that if she does get her own dog she's going to HAVE to dogproof the whole house otherwise this is going to happen over and over again - can SHE afford this kind of vet bill for her own dog?

SheChoseDown · 25/09/2019 09:41

Sounds like she's not coping and Hector isn't safe.
Remove Hector and put him into daycare.
If he accidentally eats a raisin or something inedible he'll require more vet treatment.... Or not be around anymore 🙁.

MontyDyson · 25/09/2019 09:43

Your dog, your bill, your a CF Op.

GCAcademic · 25/09/2019 09:44

I think you need to pay. However, there is no way she would be looking after my dog after this. Today it's food that he's eaten when she's had her eye off the ball, next time it could be something that kills him.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/09/2019 09:45

I voted Yabu because yabu to even leave hector with your mil.

I know it’s not your dogs real name, but like the name Hector for a dog btw.

PrestonNotHeston · 25/09/2019 09:45

If I'd asked to have a friend's dog twice a week, had been warned repeatedly about puppy-proofing, and they still got into my cupboards and ate enough random stuff to require rushing to the vet I'd be so mortified I'd pay the bill myself automatically. Raisins/currants/chocolate...? Hector could have died.

For the sake of family harmony, I'd pay this bill but get Hector into day care. MIL isn't taking this very seriously - can you get her to come along to the vets when you pick Hector up and have the vet give you a lecture about what happens when random items get stuck in puppies' guts?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 25/09/2019 09:45

painauchocolate

A lot of human foods are toxic to dogs and cats including chocolate, grapes and raisins and avocado

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2019 09:46

What type of dog is Hector?

Some breeds take a lot longer to mature than others, and some are more enthusiastic chewers than others, and some just get bored easily (because they are very, vey bright) and others get anxious and it makes them destructive.

Within these breed characteristics individual dogs will have their own personalities, too.

Also, I just want to know. Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2019 09:47

Your dog, your bill, your a CF Op.

Not a CF - but foolish to allow the dog to still go to what is a dangerous environment for him.