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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

273 replies

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:37

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

OP posts:
DeniseRoyal · 26/09/2019 18:38

Its a tricky one as I think it is your responsibility to pay the vet bills, but MIL is being irresponsible by not puppy proofing her home and ensuring he doesn't eat anything harmful to dogs! I would pay the bill but absolutley get doggy day care in place. If MIL complains, gently remind her how much its costing you in vet bills and replacing her stuff due to her not doing as you have advised. Also, if you do decide to continue to let her watch Hector, I would be putting it to her that if this happens again on her watch, she will be paying the vet bill!

tvdinnertracks · 26/09/2019 18:39

READ THE MOTHERFUCKING THREAD!!!! AngryAngry

glittermagic · 26/09/2019 18:43

Why did she offer to look after him when clearly she is incapable? Take him to a doggy day care and avoid all the future stress.

Juliehooligan · 26/09/2019 18:45

IMHO I don’t think that you are being unreasonable in asking her to pay for some of the vets bills, as your dog was in her care at the time, if this had happened at day care or being looked after by a professional minder, you would expect them to pay, that is what insurance is for after all. I would however move him to daycare so he is safe, you don’t know what he will get into next time.

manicmij · 26/09/2019 18:45

You should pay up. The issue though is MILs lack of care when having your dog. Anything could have been in that cupboard. Think likes the idea of having a dog but doesn't realise the responsibility. Doggy day care calling.

jessycake · 26/09/2019 18:51

Doggy daycare seems to be the way to go . Because your MIL doesn't have the dog full time and because she doesn't really suffer from the consequences of any losses , it is never going to work . Just try and tell her nicely because I don't expect she is being deliberately negligent, he is probably just to quick and clever and she is unable to see the house through his sharp eyes and nose.

TypingoftheDead · 26/09/2019 18:54

I'd definitely go with putting him in doggy day care. I have a close relative who insisted he was OK walking our dogs, but he'd let them off the lead in spite of being told not to, which led to a farmer threatening to shoot one when it ran off into fields, and another jumping out of my grandparents' garden and nearly getting run over.
He's no longer allowed to take one out!

TriciaH87 · 26/09/2019 18:55

I would tell her you will take care of this vet bill but are not replacing any further damaged items. Then tell her if she has not puppy proofed the place because it puts your dog at risky she will not be caring for him any more. When we have left our dog with family have always accepted vet bills would be my responsibility but if their property is damaged its because they were not supervising to say no.

dreamyflower · 26/09/2019 18:56

Your dog so your bill. You don't pay got doggy care so think of it as money you would have paid there. Why would you not claim on the insurance?

Angiemum24 · 26/09/2019 19:07

Your dog you pay.
But your mil is clearly incapable or too lazy to care for and puppy proof her home.
Doggy day care is the only solution for your pocket and your puppies health.

Nanajadus · 26/09/2019 19:27

Why do you have a pet when you obviously are not in a position to take care of it!
He's a puppy! Equivalent of a child.
I have 2 rescue dogs, had 5 in 25 years and they have always had a place within our family.
IE, we have to be responsible for them at all times.
Infact I am going to post something here in the next few days regarding a situation with them.
I do wish you luck with little Hector.

Krate · 26/09/2019 19:31

You should pay.

Tistheseason17 · 26/09/2019 19:38

As others have said - you pay vet bill and immediately arrange doggy day care

Smithy01 · 26/09/2019 19:41

I’d be more concerned about the welfare of my dog, he could have eaten something fatal. On that alone he would not be returning to your MIl’s! - unbelievable

ThanosSavedMe · 26/09/2019 19:47

Unpopular I know but I don’t think op should pay vets bills as the dog was ill due to someone elses negligence. Mil wanted to look after dog, she wasn’t forced to. She was offered payment and refused.

Get alternative care for your dog and tell mil why. Tough if she’s upset.

KarmaStar · 26/09/2019 20:00

Hi op,I think I'd day to mil that I was concerned about Hector because he was once again allowed access to food that was harmful to him and he might be better at day care.
About the vets fee,I'd offer half.

flyingspaghettimonster · 26/09/2019 20:01

Vet bills are absolutely on you. Always unless caused by a dog attack or similar.

I wouldn't be constantly paying for her items though. Get her a puppy gate or something and help her proof one room so when she isn't with him he goes in there.

FelicisNox · 26/09/2019 20:05

I don't think you should pay.

Your MIL may not be a professional but she has offered to take responsibility for your dog and she is not doing that: this bill is a result of your MIL negligence rather than yours, therefore the onus is on her.

If I was looking after someones dog and they became unwell as a direct result of something that was undeniably my fault I would pay the bill. This is her fault. Period.

My dog was injured at the dog groomers a couple of months ago and long story short, there were several vets trips and she was in genuine danger of losing her tail. The company responsible paid all bills associated with the injury so why shouldn't your MIL?

And before anyone mentions company insurance, that is not the point. It's the principle.

If you pay the bill on this occasion fine. But your DH needs to give her a rough overview of how much you've spent reimbursing her for all the incidents that should never have happened in the first place including the vets bill and make it clear that she is putting your pet at risk with her behaviour and if it continues you will be putting your dog in day care.

She's his problem and he needs to deal with her not you.

biscuitbrown · 26/09/2019 20:13

Use this as an excuse to put puppy in daycare. She is clearly not able to care for the dog safely, and yes you should pay the vet’s bill. I’d never DREAM of making that someone else’s responsibility.

numberoneson · 26/09/2019 21:02

Your dog, your vet bill, and I think you need to rethink leaving Hector with her, as she isn't - sadly - up to safely caring for him.

Mydogmylife · 26/09/2019 21:04

How does your DH feel about hectors close shave? Surely this will change his mind about leaving him with mil? I would be worried sick

carly2803 · 26/09/2019 21:24

your dog = your vet bill
however what he damages through you MIL being a bit daft is her own problemIMO

Eva2020 · 26/09/2019 21:57

Your dog your bills. You sound really ungrateful. Of course you arent getting damage in your home; hes never there.

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 26/09/2019 22:01

I can completely understand where you’re coming from. But I think you’ve learnt your lesson the hard way here. As you said before, pay the bill and doggy daycare is the way forward. Your MIL clearly enjoy some the company but doesn’t actually want to give full attention to the fact that she needs to treat the dog like a small child. After all, he is still very young. Good luck OP.

michmum · 26/09/2019 22:08

I personally think you should be grateful your mil is looking after your puppy regardless of saving money. Its much better than going to a doggy daycare. Maybe compromise and suggest you stop paying to replace items now but definitely the vet bill should be yours.
Also cherish the puppy years as you dont know what around the corner. Ours died of cancer at 3 after expensive chemo treatment. Plus re-look at your insurance make sure its adequate