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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

273 replies

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:37

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 26/09/2019 22:31

I personally think you should be grateful your mil is looking after your puppy regardless of saving money. Its much better than going to a doggy daycare.

Doggy day care is much better than a careless dog sitter who refuses to have safe environment and allows your puppy to be poisoned. Who’d be grateful for that?!?

Mydogmylife · 26/09/2019 23:21

@HeckyPeck

This

GCAcademic · 27/09/2019 06:02

Why on earth should the OP be grateful? It sounds like she offered to make other arrangements but the MIL was insistent that she wanted to keep having the dog. I bloody well wouldn't be grateful if someone had hospitalised my dog through their own stupidity. If you look after a dog there are certain basic precautions you have to take in order to keep them safe because some of the bloody idiots seem to have a death wish.

ThunderR0ad78 · 27/09/2019 06:44

Oh my god - you pay! You accept her looking after your dog so you have to accept how she does it!

If you don't think she does a good job or it's too expensive for the reasons you highlight then change your dog- care! Otherwise pay up!

Sara107 · 27/09/2019 07:05

You have to pay the vet. I would send him back to daycare, it won’t be more expensive than replacing Mils possessions and this is going to lead to constant rows and probably further medical disaster for the dog.

Skinnyunderneath · 27/09/2019 07:16

Be gentle with your mil though! If she's elderly the dog may be company for her that she cherishes and will be sad and lonely without. She may have onset of dementia. Her age may simply mean she forgets or, if my gran was anything to go by, is just from a generation that thinks they know best. I let my gran look after my cat in her later years (grans and cats), he was her lifeline and reason for getting up on a morning. She did try to feed him chocolate and pineapple sometimes but the cat had more sense than to eat it!

happystory · 27/09/2019 07:20

She's not elderly, she's in her late 50s!

ButterfliesandMoths · 27/09/2019 07:27

I think you need to pay vets bill. However I do think it's unfair and annoying if you've told her repeatedly about doggy proofing the house, but yes pay it.
Definitely look for doggy day care though.

Frankola · 27/09/2019 07:59

Your dog your vet bills.

However, this to me is now more about the welfare of the dog and at this point (emergency vet appointments) I believe you should look for doggy daycare to ensure the dog is safe.

lily2403 · 27/09/2019 08:17

Sounds to me doggy day care would be cheaper

Mumpower123 · 27/09/2019 08:20

Get a professional to dog sit. Mil should have to pay. Or at least pay half the bill. She should of done a better job and you should of sorted it properly from the begining. She's too lazy and your too stingy with money

ZenNudist · 27/09/2019 08:22

Agree you should pay but it's also clear that she is not able to look after the dog and it would be really unfair on the dog to leave him with her

littlebillie · 27/09/2019 08:27

You would pay for this at doggy day care

Kaykay06 · 27/09/2019 08:35

What if your dog had died, it isn’t hard to close cupboards and move chewable shoes etc up out of the way and if she can’t provide a safe environment for your dog then day care would be better for him and you. Mil should have got her own dog, although I’d feel very sorry for it.
I think she should offer to help with the vet bill as she shouldn’t have left him with access to poisonous foods. you need better insurance if your excess is that high it’s not worth it!
I hope hector will live a long happy life, mil will need to come and visit him instead

BloggersBlog · 27/09/2019 10:23

you would pay for this at day care
not if it was the day care's lack of care. I think quite the opposite and the OP could take them to court for putting the dog in a harmful situation

Petlover9 · 27/09/2019 11:10

@NearlyGranny - Tend to agree with this reply. Puppies need a lot of walks to burn energy and having one in the house means responsibility for their welfare, same as a toddler

lovemenorca · 27/09/2019 11:19

. I think quite the opposite and the OP could take them to court for putting the dog in a harmful situation

Oh don’t be so daft!

Tonnerre · 27/09/2019 11:32

You would pay for this at doggy day care

Not if it was their fault. They would have to pay and/or claim on their insurance.

Kaz101 · 27/09/2019 11:52

I do hope the dog is okay now but do think its your bill and perhaps time for professional daycare. This could be at an industrial unit type day care centre or at someone's home, with just a few dogs. Please be aware if in England anyone offering daycare and/or boarding must be licensed by their local authority; Animal Welfare Regulations 2018.

HeckyPeck · 27/09/2019 17:09

You would pay for this at doggy day care

If a kennels left poisonous substances in reach of the dogs they were looking after they would have to foot the bill of any subsequent vet fees. No question at all.

doginthemanger · 27/09/2019 18:50

Skinnyunderneath For goodness sake, it says in the first post that MIL is 55!

And that generation thinks it knows best? Unlike all other generations I suppose.

ton181 · 27/09/2019 19:13

or just sue her for neglect of duty...……......

tikitent · 27/09/2019 20:30

I used to watch my friend's dog. If I had left the cupboard open and the dog ate the contenta resulting in vet bills I would most definitely have paid the bill (and felt awful).

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