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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

273 replies

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:37

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

OP posts:
dowehaveastalker · 25/09/2019 09:48

Jesus Christ. Pay your own vet bill! And get a professional dog sitter or something. Not your MIL.

Patnotpending · 25/09/2019 09:48

This reply has been deleted

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Juells · 25/09/2019 09:49

I'd pay, but remove the dog and send him to doggy day care instead. My daughter's dog goes to doggy day care and loves it, lots of other dogs to play with all day. The only thing I'd watch out for is to make sure that big dogs aren't being mixed in with little dogs. I did a test-day with a doggy day care centre near me and my poor little dogs cowered in a corner the whole time, big dogs were running riot and bowling them over every time they ventured away from the wall, with not enough supervision.

bubs80 · 25/09/2019 09:51

Your MIL is being very careless whilst in charge of looking after your dog and then expecting you to pay the consequences. She has proved she had capable of looking after your dog .. you have gave clear instructions regrading how to prevent these kind of accidents but she hasn't Followed. I think you will unfortunately have to pay the vets bill but make it clear she won't be looking after she dog again.

Aaarrgghhh · 25/09/2019 09:51

You would seriously stiff your MIL with this vet bill. Charming.

Okay.. I mean it’s was her mother in laws incompetence that caused the issue but sure, also the op has said she will pay the bill. If it was me though, I’d probably ask for half of the money at least and she wouldn’t be looking after the dog anymore. What an idiot she seems.

Pollydocket · 25/09/2019 09:52

I would pay, but it would be the last time.
Either move to day care or accepts responsibility for future bills.

StroppyWoman · 25/09/2019 09:53

Good lord, what kind of rubbish insurance have you taken?
Our excess is £75. How can a bill of “hundreds” be not worth the claim?

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2019 09:54

You need to call a halt to her looking after the dog. It's not fair on the dog to risk his welfare like this, and yes you need to pay the bill.

doginthemanger · 25/09/2019 09:55

If I were your MIL I'd never dream of expecting you to pay for my mistakes when I had offered to look after the dog because I wanted to and not just to help out.

Of course in your shoes I'd have done what you did and compensated her, especially to begin with, as it's hard to cope with a puppy.

But unless she's otherwise good at walking the dog and giving him attention, I'd stop the arrangement.

Lulualla · 25/09/2019 09:56

Pay the bill and then do not leave the dog with her again. It's no longer about MIL enjoying it. The dog is in danger. If he eats the wrong thing, he could die. And she isn't listening.
Who just walks off leaving kitchen cupboard open? And she keeps leaving stuff all over the place for him to chew. The dog isn't safe.

Mishfit0819 · 25/09/2019 09:57

Poor dog.

You are responsible for the vet bill, id also suggest some training for the dog so he isn't as likely to act up like this no matter who's looking after him, it'll save you thousands over his life.

If it genuinely doesn't happen when he's at home, then he's either bored and needs more play/exercise or he's realised that MIL is a pushover and he can get his own way. Sounds like Doggy daycare or a dog walker is the best way to go for the dogs and your bank balances sake.

Reallynowdear · 25/09/2019 10:00

Poor Hector.

Your MIL isn't caring for him properly.

You should pay the bill. Glad you are looking into alternative care, it will be less expensive than continually compensating your MIL and much bettor for him.

newgame989 · 25/09/2019 10:03

yes pay the bill for your dog, make better arrangements. At least you know that she also won't be providing free childcare if she can't keep a puppy safe!

Snog · 25/09/2019 10:04

Your comment about insurance makes no sense, why would you even have insurance if you don't make the claims?. A bill into the hundreds clearly should be worth claiming for, what is your excess?

Tonnerre · 25/09/2019 10:04

There's a case for saying she made the dog ill so she should pay. However, I really can't see why you aren't claiming on your insurance, so maybe just ask her for the excess which, as people have said, can't be high. You certainly can't leave the dog for someone who is unable to keep it safe.

GCAcademic · 25/09/2019 10:05

Another one wondering why there is such a high excess on your insurance. You need to sort out decent insurance if the cost of vet bills are an issue to you, particularly if you have a dog who's prone to eating stuff he shouldn't (I have one such beast and have had to claim thousands from our insurance due to this particular trait of his).

meccacos2 · 25/09/2019 10:05

Hi OP

As it’s your dog it’s also your vet bill.

I get your frustration though.

As a side note, at least you know not to leave any future children in her primary care.

This dog incident is an ideal example. She failed to keep items secure and your dog was injured because of it.

It also demonstrates that she’s not fit to care for a dog full time.

My cat will climb into any cupboard left open.

I’ve never had a dog go into cupboards though - but I know it does happen.

meccacos2 · 25/09/2019 10:06

@Snog

Your comment about insurance makes no sense, why would you even have insurance if you don't make the claims?. A bill into the hundreds clearly should be worth claiming for, what is your excess?

I would imagine the excess is similar to the actual vet bill.

Lulualla · 25/09/2019 10:06

@Snog

Let's say her excess is £300 and the vet bill is £450.
Claiming would only save her £150 And then premiums will go up. There is no point in claiming for something that's just a few hundred. You claim when your pet needs surgery or tests which take it into the thousands.

CharityConundrum · 25/09/2019 10:06

I agree with PP that an insurance policy with such a high excess is pretty much pointless. If you won't claim on it for a vet's bill of hundreds of pounds, then why have it?

adaline · 25/09/2019 10:07

I don't understand - your MIL has proven time and time again that she can't take care of your dog, yet you keep sending him there anyway.

Now he's been taken to the vets as a result of her poor care and you still don't want to take responsibility for your dog by paying the bill!

As an aside, why can't you claim on your insurance? Surely your access isn't that much? Confused

BuildBuildings · 25/09/2019 10:09

Wow you are not just being unreasonable but actually quite unpleasant. If this is your attitude you need to stop her having the dog.

Windydaysuponus · 25/09/2019 10:10

Next time you may be paying for pts. She isn't caring for your ddog.
It's being neglected.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/09/2019 10:11

Yeah sorry agree your dog/your bill, you know she's not very responsible so either make peace with paying out or send him back to doggy daycare

DontLettuceBrexitLettuceRomain · 25/09/2019 10:12

You each pay for damage to your own things. She pays for her food replacement, you pay for your dog repair.