In thinking my husband went too far by calling me an arsehole

[PramAnxiety]

I am prepared to get flamed.

So today we've had an incident that has led to my DH saying I've become an arsehole since becoming a mother.

We went on a family walk followed by lunch. At the restaurant we went to we couldn't take the pram in so he suggested leaving it parked outside. At the time we did this we didn't know where we would be seated, and I begrudgingly went along with it.

Turns out that at the only place we could sit I could only see the pram whenever someone opened the door so naturally I was watching it like a hawk. He said I should relax, when I objected saying it was an 1100 quid pram he said I was a snob for thinking that way, that he felt comfortable leaving the pram there and I should too.

Then a woman is standing quite close to the pram smoking and making a call. I keep checking the pram, and every time I look she looks back a bit angrily. Now in hindsight she must have thought I was staring at her, but at the time it was doing nothing about my anxiety about the pram.

This led me to do something that I do regret deeply. DH started his spiel again about needing to relax, and I snapped at him that there was a slightly rough looking woman staring at our pram. After this DH leaves to entertain DS outside, because I was both juggling DS and looking after the pram.

When I finish my now cold soup I go outside and enter an argument with DH, apparently the woman's husband stood in the queue and possibly overheard what I had said and he had been getting angry looks. Like I said, I regret this and I feel awful that I have made this woman feel bad.

This has then led to a wider conversation about how I have been an arsehole and since I have had my child I have become stuck up. Me mentioning the value of the pram was an example of that.

Apart from this, I can't really think of instances where I have been mean to other people like that. I will admit to becoming more assertive since becoming a mother.

I'm not sure what I want with this post. I know I snapped, but I feel like I am not an arsehole overall. Maybe I'd like some validation that I was right to be anxious about the pram.

AIBU in thinking that this one incident does not justify my DH calling me an arsehole and that he was being very unreasonable?

You seem to have overreacted massively plus you were really judgemental. Don't want to call you an arsehole as well op but he wasn't totally unreasonable

Couldn't you have folded it down and taken it in with you?

It’s hard to know without more context but I’m afraid on that example alone it does sound like you behaved a bit like an arsehole. Judging a woman as “rough looking” enough to nick your pram is ridiculous.

Arsehole is quite a friendly term of offence to me though so I wouldn’t be too offended about it, personally

Was your baby in the pram ? If not YABU. It's an object. If it was stolen insurance would cover it.

Could you not have collapsed the pram and taken it in with you?

That wasn't really an option.

He also didn't check on the pram even once and seemed to think that no one would steal it. When I said he wouldn't leave his laptop outside unattended he said that was different.

I completely accept that I shouldn't have said those things about the woman and that I was a complete bitch for doing so, but I don't feel like I overreacted about the prams security itself.

I don’t think either of you covered yourself in glory here.

He was being bloody naive to think that nobody would walk off with a pram if they wanted to steal it and patronising by belittling your concern. You were being incredibly rude assuming that some poor woman innocently having a cigarette had any interest in your pram.

I have to agree with your partner, total overreaction from you.

Or get a bike lock so if you do have to leave it it's not so easy to waltz off with.

You sound quite anxious, might be worth speaking to your GP about this, I do understand how you feel as my PND suddenly kicked in when DD was 2!

Thinking of you.

I would have been the same about my prom and it didn’t cost that.
Hi think he was out of order to call you an arse hole.

You’ve been judgmental and spiteful and now trying to act the victim.

I would have gone to a different restaurant upon realising the pram wouldn't fit, thus avoiding the whole situation.

You were an arsehole tbf.

Jeez I cannot imagine any situation where my dh would call me a name like that. Tbh your dh sounds a bit rough himself. And the woman standing next to the pram was smoking I would hate my baby’s pram to stink of fags.

Was it really likely someone would steal it?

Hmmm, I wouldn't have liked leaving my pram out of view, but I wouldn't have gone in the restaurant either. Why didn't you just go somewhere else, especially as s you had to constantly hold your son?

What would happen if the pram had been stolen/ damaged? Would you be able to afford to replace it straight away or would you be stuck in?

Defo get a chain and padlock for the pram. That’s a dear item. Difficult to know if you’ve become a bit OTT since becoming a mum but perhaps you need to have a think and see if there is any truth in it. Or perhaps you’re just frazzled and he needs to step up more. Good luck anyway.

You seriously said that? You were an arsehole. If I was the other woman I'd have called you far worse than your DH did.

@WanderingMind

Funny that you should say that. I did have undiagnosed postnatal depression. I don't feel nearly as bad as I did then, but I do recognise that I am more anxious than I should have been.

You were an arsehole and if I were your DH I wouldn’t put up with that for a second! You sound like hard work and no fun at all.

Was it really likely someone would steal it?

A colleague of mine recently had their expensive new pram stolen while leaving it outside a cafe - although that was in zone 2 London.

Yabu for having such an expensive pram so that you cannot enjoy a simple day out

Yes you were an arsehole.

Why can’t you call someone an asshole when they were being an asshole? Jeez my husband and I have called each other worse .

We all need reminding that at times we are arseholes.

Where you in a socially deprived area?? If not, do you really think it likely a random woman, who may not even have had a baby, was likely to run off with your pram??
I have also had an expensive pram, and have left it in numerous restaurants without a thought!!