In thinking my husband went too far by calling me an arsehole

[PramAnxiety]

I am prepared to get flamed.

So today we've had an incident that has led to my DH saying I've become an arsehole since becoming a mother.

We went on a family walk followed by lunch. At the restaurant we went to we couldn't take the pram in so he suggested leaving it parked outside. At the time we did this we didn't know where we would be seated, and I begrudgingly went along with it.

Turns out that at the only place we could sit I could only see the pram whenever someone opened the door so naturally I was watching it like a hawk. He said I should relax, when I objected saying it was an 1100 quid pram he said I was a snob for thinking that way, that he felt comfortable leaving the pram there and I should too.

Then a woman is standing quite close to the pram smoking and making a call. I keep checking the pram, and every time I look she looks back a bit angrily. Now in hindsight she must have thought I was staring at her, but at the time it was doing nothing about my anxiety about the pram.

This led me to do something that I do regret deeply. DH started his spiel again about needing to relax, and I snapped at him that there was a slightly rough looking woman staring at our pram. After this DH leaves to entertain DS outside, because I was both juggling DS and looking after the pram.

When I finish my now cold soup I go outside and enter an argument with DH, apparently the woman's husband stood in the queue and possibly overheard what I had said and he had been getting angry looks. Like I said, I regret this and I feel awful that I have made this woman feel bad.

This has then led to a wider conversation about how I have been an arsehole and since I have had my child I have become stuck up. Me mentioning the value of the pram was an example of that.

Apart from this, I can't really think of instances where I have been mean to other people like that. I will admit to becoming more assertive since becoming a mother.

I'm not sure what I want with this post. I know I snapped, but I feel like I am not an arsehole overall. Maybe I'd like some validation that I was right to be anxious about the pram.

AIBU in thinking that this one incident does not justify my DH calling me an arsehole and that he was being very unreasonable?

I just didn't want to hear it from my husband like that.

I am sure the man didnt want to hear his wife being called rough by a stranger, who objected to his wife being somewhere near her 'very expensive pram'.

You clearly have no idea, how you sounded. Calling people rough and pointing out exactly how much the pram was 'worth'.

Honestly. You were a bit of an arseholer but I understand why.
Have you become a bit more anxious since the baby? Perfectly normal but often irrational. Perhaps time for an honest chat with DH

@ChicCroissant it was an undiagnosed PND, so I received no treatment. At the time not even my husband knew

@Till I don't keep saying it's an 1100 pound pram. Today is the first time it came up in conversation with my husband actually. Because I was trying to explain to him why I was feeling anxious about it.

You shouldn't have been staring at woman
You shouldn't have called her rough
He was out of order too

I think you need a chat tbh

I had perinatal anxiety and depression. I found it easier not to go out which is not ideal but I do think there is a thing about not putting yourself in situations that are going to be difficult when you don't need to.

So it's not a £1110 pram then? Right...

Forgive my ignorance on the matter, I have no DC but a pram? I thought prams were for babies. Don't toddlers usually go in pushchairs/buggies?

Where I live you can’t move for Bugaboos, Icandys and Uppababys. These can easily cost £1,000 when new. I never see them unattended because they would almost certainly get pinched.
The “rough” comment wasn’t very nice, but I don’t understand the criticism that the OP is facing for spending money on a pram - surely that was a joint decision between her and her DH? I’d be pissed off if my DH wasn’t bothered about locking up expensive kit and would find it hard to relax.

I don't keep saying it's an 1100 pound pram. Today is the first time it came up in conversation with my husband actually. Because I was trying to explain to him why I was feeling anxious about it.

But it's not a £1100 pram. You got a deal on it because it was no longer worth £1100. Not because they fancied doing you a favour.

And now you have used it. It's not an £1100 pram. So yes you sound ridiculous. Especially since your husband knows those details.

Op, people can only go on what you post. Yes you were being an arsehole. No one knows if you've been a stuck up arsehole for two years.

Honestly. Sometimes you've just got to own it.

Actually your husband sounds an arse. Does he always leave you to deal with anything child related?

Expensive things if left unattended are often likely to be taken. I live in one of the UK's 10 wealthiest towns. People always post on local facebook things that have been stolen from being left outside their houses - prams, buggies, bikes, even wellington boots! You are totally correct to assume that if not in sight it could be nicked.

I had an expensive pram - pfb - only the best- and why not? So ignore any comments about that. But I quite quickly bought a cheap fold up buggy for daily use and if it got damaged then it didnt matter so much. So perhaps consider that as an option.

Regarding your observation on a member of the public - it is up to you how you describe people. Some may agree , some may not. But if you were overheard then you need to own your comment. If you were ashamed then perhaps you were being a bitch/an arsehole/whatever.

tilthenedoftheline Storing something up to raise as an issue at a later date, is arsehole behaviour.

Oh well, I must be an arsehole as well as the OP then.

And you must be an arsehole for calling me an arsehole.

I'm twice over an arsehole because I've described people as rough looking, and once described a park as being in a rough area with a lot of rough looking people going around, and advised DH not to leave his jacket on lying on the ground while he went running. And when it was got stolen, he too admitted I was right about the roughness, so we are both arseholes. I kind of pride myself on my ability to spot and avoid confrontations with rough looking types so it does have its uses

Sounds like we are all arseholes, including of course the OP's DH for calling her an arsehole.

@PramAnxiety, for what it's worth, I think yaNbu on the whole. I think the woman smoking next to a pram was BU and I think a husband saying his anxious wife is an arsehole was BU. Though of course you recognise that you were probably BU to insinuate that the woman was going to nick the pram.

And you must be an arsehole for calling me an arsehole.

I can be on occassion. Though not for calling someone out on shitty behaviour.

Everyone can and is an arsehole at some point. That's life.

Did you apologise to the people you insulted?

@Till I might be misunderstanding how the English language is used. I thought saying it is a £x item it meant that X is generally the price that was paid for it in the past.

I know it's been two years but I would still consider speaking to your GP about it, OP. You do sound anxious and that's no fun for anyone but especially for you - don't be afraid to seek support if you need it.

As the ex-owner of a very expensive buggy system honk if you're a snob (Ha!) I understand your anxiety about leaving it anywhere unattended. Okay you shouldn't have called the rough lady, rough but what can you do about it now?! Next time your DH calls you an arsehole or the like tell him, "Yes, well you married me love muffin. Deal with it."

If the shoe fits 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm a bit of he same. Just worry about possessions being stolen. If it was a bike (probably worth much less than the pram) you'd have a lock for it.

Fucking hell. That's a month's salary for a lot of people. Assuming your husband earns more than minimum wage, would he leave a five grand item designed for easy and unobtrusive transportation outside his sight, unsecured and say somebody was an Arsehole for wanting to watch it?

Buggy theft is massive - even if it ended up on ebay for half the cost, that's a lot of money for shoes or drugs and where better to steal them than outside a posh restaurant/in a nice area?

Of course, if posters can afford to chuck over a thousand pounds away and not think about it, they're going to say yabu. I can't. So I think YANBU.

I thought saying it is a £x item it meant that X is generally the price that was paid for it in the past.

Spend what you want on your pram. That doesnt interest me.

My car is a 15 year audi. It's not worth the 40k or whatever it was when it was new. And it wouldnt have been worth 40k if it had been the test model in the show room. It would have been sold, at a cheaper price, because that's what it was worth.

@Basil no.

Because I didn't realise that they overheard me.
That it was overheard is not 100% certain. The husband was some distance away when I said it. My husband said he got angry looks outside but that may as well be because of the staring. Which started at me looking at the pram, then the woman staring at me, me staring at the pram and the woman and the woman staring back at me angrily.

You were an arsehole and a very rude one at that.

What a waste of money on a pram!

You were very lucky it wasn't pinched. Its not just rough looking people who steal things OP it could be anyone from any background who just want some easy money.
I wouldn't have left it in the first place, you could have got a pasty or some chips and eaten them out of the bags and looked rough yourselves whilst guarding it.
I think your DH is naïve if he thinks prams are safe left unattended. Its like leaving an expensive bike unlocked.

I wouldn’t have wanted anyone standing beside my pram smoking...I wouldn’t have left an expensive pram outside 🤷🏻‍♀️