Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

505 replies

NOFUCKINGNOPE · 22/09/2019 18:34

Was driving along before and started whistling to a son on the radio and it made me laugh.

My ex was an emotionally abusive piece of shit but one comment always stuck with me because of how utterly stupid it was.

I wasn't allowed to whistle. Because... Whistling was 'manly' and he didn't like me 'acting like a bloke'.

It was to the point where I would apologise if I ever caught myself whistling and he'd be glaring at me.

There are many many other stupid, illogical, disturbed things he used to say and comment on but this one gave me a chuckle today and I whistled extra loud to the radio Grin

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 22/09/2019 22:00

Geekiest=cheekiest

munzero · 22/09/2019 22:02

That I was a 7/10 but that it's a good thing because not many people are 10/10. Not that I asked what I was out of 10 mind you. Also when deciding what uni to go to he chose one far away and said 'realistically we're not going to be together in 3 years are we?'. He wasn't wrong. Pig.

RubaDubMum89 · 22/09/2019 22:04

"Your too fucked up to leave, you're so mentally ill, you couldn't cope and DD would be dead within two weeks with you. You might as well stay because you know I'm right. Think about it babe, seriously, I'm right."

I did leave, it's been nearly 10 months and DD and I are thriving. So much for his predictions, dick head

GibbonLover · 22/09/2019 22:05

Me: I got that job! I start as Office Manager next week.
Him: Well you'll need to get hair extensions, you can't work in an office with a haircut like that!

The haircut in question was a Judi Dench.

Seeingadistance · 22/09/2019 22:07

My best quality is my humility!

BaaBaaBS · 22/09/2019 22:08

"I love you and promise I will never ever cheat on you"... hmm and then he did

Iwantacookie · 22/09/2019 22:08

The best was when he told me "you are my wife you will behave like a wife"
My reply "I'm iwantacookie I'll do what I like"
Others include "you'll never find anyone better than me" already have
"Cheating was an accident" yes coz men are always accidentally sticking their dick in me
He was a major dick

Chocolatepeanuts · 22/09/2019 22:09

Well girls whistling makes the Virgin Mary cry Halo - my devout mum to me as a child!

TellySavalashairbrush · 22/09/2019 22:10

You’re not intellectual enough for me
Your friend is more my type
If I chose to I could snap my fingers and you’d come running back to me- but I wouldn’t bother.
I am not meant for an average way of life unlike you- he still works in a stationary shop twenty years later and has never traveled further than the north of England.

Chess77 · 22/09/2019 22:11

'have you got any idea how hard you having counselling for your own issues is for me to have to sit and wonder what you are talking about and what pressure that puts on me' I was actually lost for words at that.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 22/09/2019 22:15

‘You are beautiful to me.’ Clear intent being: ‘but not to anyone else with eyes in their heads, you’re so lucky to have me’.

Subtle, awful put down, consistent with someone very damaged attempting to control me and the numerous other women he was shagging at the same time.

I feel grateful every day that my husband is all the things my ex wasn’t and so much more. I wish I could tell all women who settle for addictive arseholes that life is so good once you bin them off and find someone lovely.

Slapdasherie · 22/09/2019 22:15

That seeing prostitutes when I was pregnant with #2 was more “respectful” than having an affair and I should acknowledge how wonderful and caring that was.

MsTSwift · 22/09/2019 22:15

“You are a gold digger” which was amusing as I had a good well paid professional job and he was unemployed. I sent him his train fare to visit me and paid for everything. Pretty rubbish gold digging on my part! Can’t think why we split Hmm

beatriceprior · 22/09/2019 22:16

Someone in work fancies me

Me : do they (joking and laughing) are they pretty?

Him : yes of course

Me : still laughing and joking "do you think they are prettier than me"

him: well yes they are stunning

Me : get your shit right now hahaha

The morning after .... you've left some shit get it now

TheDogsMother · 22/09/2019 22:18

Oh there are too many to mention but this one after we split sticks in my mind. "If you don't grow your hair you will never meet another man". Twelve years now with my DP that I I love to bits and he loves my short hair.

PrettyPurse · 22/09/2019 22:18

Thought of another..whilst going through the divorce.... and he was trying to force me to agree to put the family home in the market....of which l refused too by advice from my solicitor.... "..you will if l tell you too..."

Errrr...nope...actually l won't...

P.s....house was never put on the market and was awarded to me by the Judge Grin

beatriceprior · 22/09/2019 22:18

This was the straw!!! After many. Emotional,
Financial, physical.

This one just broke me

beatriceprior · 22/09/2019 22:19

I'm not pretty I'm not stunning. I was fat and still am but you know what, I'm still better than that dickhead

Veggielioness · 22/09/2019 22:26

Of the many, many reams of bullshit my ex came out with, the standout has to be...

“You’ve no idea how hard that was for me”

After my 20 year old sister committed suicide.

He’s a fucking dickhead.

salmonrose · 22/09/2019 22:27

I'm caucasian and an ex left me for a woman of aftican decent (relevant). He called me when they'd just had a weekend away because he was so surprised that sex with a black woman was just like sex with a white woman.

The whole conversation sounded so weird to me that I forgot to ask what exactly he thought the difference would be. I still wonder about it sometimes.

MsTSwift · 22/09/2019 22:32

Mine was also convinced Enid blyton was a man.

Monkeyplanet · 22/09/2019 22:33

Long list
Wasn't allowed to eat dairy, bread, fish or eggs and had to take a picture of each of my meals and send it to him
Wasn't allowed to spend more than £100 on my monthly food shop and the rest of my money had to go to him
Wasn't allowed to wear skirts above my knee or knee length and God forbid I wore a v-neck oh and no manly trousers
Wasn't allowed to laugh to loudly (too manly)
Had to recount every conversation I had with anyone word for word
Wasn't allowed to talk about my family and had to record my conversations with my family members for him to listen to
Had to stop what I was doing and listen to him or he would sulk
Wasn't allowed to play Candy Crush or any game on my phone as it was manly and boyish
I never whistled in front of him but I'm sure I wouldn't have been allowed to do that either and ditto with the apologising and the glare

beatriceprior · 22/09/2019 22:35

Monkey planet.

What do you do now? Whatever you like I hope??!

Rainbowknickers · 22/09/2019 22:38

I’d just given birth to our son-he started shagging my best mate cos I was healing after the birth and couldn’t (in his eyes wouldn’t) have sex so he had his needs to think about
‘Your too independent’
‘You’ll never find another man like me’ (thank god-I’m now with a bloke who adores me)
‘Women do the housework and bring up the kids-men work’ (while sat around on benefits)
‘Your lucky to have me-nobody wants a fat bird’ I’m a size 14
Used to stand behind me singing (to the tune of mika) big girl you are fat as fuck/standing in Marcy d’s counting out your 50p’s
Then he’d deny singing it

God my dating history is dire!

CrazyCatLady159 · 22/09/2019 22:39

That I'm jealous and I want him back .... Hmm
That he wasn't the father of our dd
That he didn't cheat - when I saw him with my own eyes Hmm

So many more because he's a disgusting man ....