AIBU to be concerned about carer and my frail Father?

[Parsley65]

My Dad is 90 and increasingly frail. He currently lives independently in elderly block, but is really at the stage of needing 24 hour care as he's becoming a danger to himself (falls, etc.)
Over the past few months he has been talking about a new 'carer' who he met by chance. She started off by going to see him for a couple of hours a week, but quickly become indispensable and is now with him 30 + hours a week.
She is paid generously, in cash. She takes him to all his appointments, to the bank, shopping, lunches, etc.
I live 20 miles away, see him once or twice a week and am getting increasingly concerned about his dependence on her. The last straw is that he has changed his will, leaving her £20,000. She had told him of her long held wish to start her own business once he's gone and that she doesn't want to continue as a carer. Apparently they have planned it together.
I've met her a couple of times and she is very friendly, helpful and attentive. He won't hear a word against her, insists she's his friend, that he loves her and that he is happier now than he has been for years.
I'm not sure what to do and would appreciate your help and advice...

You're right to be concerned. Unfortunately it's quite a common scenario.

Who witnessed the will.

If you can prove that the people that signed the will do not know your father then the will can be overturned.

I’d seek legal advice.

Is the carer an actual qualified carer? You're right to be concerned, and I'd be tempted to seek legal advice if I were you. It may well be that she's got good intentions but this seems to have moved very swiftly from meeting her to changing his will, which is a red flag to me

I'd be speaking to adult social care and possibly even the local police. Best case scenario it's all above board. I doubt it though. I doubt very much she's declaring these earnings for a start.

Have a Google of "mate crime"

It does sound as though she has gained ascendancy over your father.

I would ring 101 and discuss it with them. The police may know of her already.

Is the carer an actual qualified carer?

This is a good point, but there are many unqualified carers available who don't have a hidden agenda.

They just have a lot of experience and good references as they have proved themselves to be good at what they do.

Not all carers have qualifications.

There are independent carers around-declaring to HMRC (as self-employed) depends on amount of hours and amount earned (I would assume.)
If concerned, raise it with adult social care. However, if your father has full capacity to make his own decisions (and is happy), you may need to suck it up. If legit, sounds like he is lucky to have a dedicated carer.

Is your father of sound mind? Does £20000 represent the bulk of his estate? If yes and no then I think he is entitled to leave £20000 to someone who is caring for him 30 hours+ a week and making his last years a pleasure.
If he is not mentally sound and the money is a significant percentage of your inheritance then you may have cause for concern.

I have an elderly mother in similar circumstances. I live 40 minutes drive away. It sounds harsh but I do not want to be her carer and I do not want her to live with me ( I have a serious illness). I am hugely grateful to the lady who goes in daily to clean, shop and care for my mother so I don't have to. She does the same for several old people in the street . She is cheaper than a care agency and provides continuity and comfort.

Sounds like he sorted out much needed care for himself, it’s a shame family didn’t recognise the need and arrange it for him sooner as sounds like in his desperation he has been targeted.
I’d agree with others saying to report this as she may be known for this

If he has capacity around making this decision, I doubt anyone can do anything. However i would speak to the police for advise and the accommodation manager and if she is employed by an agency, definitely speak to them. Do bear in mind, there is the possibility that she could be removed / remove herself from the situation, are you ready for the fallout this will cause you and your dad?

I can understand how upset and frustrated you are, however if your dad is sound of mind, be ready.

This happens loads and it needs legislating against. The problem is that people who are very frail or who are in the early (undiagnosed) stages of Alzheimer's are so vulnerable to people like this. What type of person befriends someone and then accepts being written into a will for £20,000 shortly afterwards - only an unscrupulous one. I have dear friends I've been through all sorts of things with but none of us are written into each others' wills, it's out of the ordinary and no one decent would accept such a legacy.

There's a lot of shit talked about capacity and dodgy people know exactly how to exploit the grey areas in the law to benefit themselves in this way.

I would contact Age UK for advice. Could be perfectly above board, or it could be financial abuse.

There's also the employment/self-employment issue - working that many hours, he is legally regarded as her employer, he should be paying NI for her and registered for PAYE. I'm not a lawyer, but it's not inconceivable that both of them are breaking the law here.

Have you thought about putting hidden cameras in his home? I think I would be.
I think you’re right to be concerned. 30 hours per week? How much is he paying for that?! £20k in his will sounds strange too.

Plus, where did he meet her by chance?

I would be very concerned she is targeting him s a potentially vulnerable person

Be really worried, exactly the same thing happened with my father and he even took out a loan to pay off her debts. Please do report her and sort out alternative care for your dad. Wishing you the best of luck.

Met her by chance? Is she an actual qualified carer?

an actual qualified carer?
Care work is among the lowest paid work. Very few are actually qualified in any way. That doesn't mean there aren't legions of very good but unqualified carers.
It's only when you are faced with a crisis that you find out how difficult it is to get carers, especially for those who are self funded - which is probably most people.

Thank you for all your replies.
She definitely isn't a qualified carer or working for any agency.
The thing about Df being of sound mind is difficult.
I would say that he is mostly of sound mind, but he also gets easily confused and is very forgetful.
Her money in the will isn't a big percentage. He owns the flat and has savings, probably around £300k.
I'll check who witnessed the will, but didn't recognise the names.

Watch out for any signs of marriage. I don't want to be cynical, but it is not an uncommon scenario.

It’s obviously a bit fishy but to be honest if he’s happy and she is making his last years comfortable and happy then maybe to him that’s worth the £20k in itself? If it becomes any more than that I’d definitely do some digging but I’d be tempted just to keep an eye at this stage and leave them be.

No bona fide career would tell a client about wanting to start her own business other than to solicit funds ?
And it's worked . Has she had a police check I wonder ? For all you know she could have s past of influencing the elderly like this . Alternatively she could be genuine .
If she were genuine having £20 K left to you in a will is very compromising . The more I think about it the fishier she seems .

That's not a huge amount of money out of 300,000 though is it. If she is really making him happy for his last years why shouldn't she get something? He does sound like he still has capacity I'm afraid so there may be very little you can do about it.

This scenario happened on both sides of my family. The next step in both cases was to change the will yet again, using dodgy solicitor leaving everything to carer and making carer the executor. We didn’t find an answer to the situation unfortunately but out of the 3 “carers” my family have encountered, so far all 3 have turned out to thieves. (Actual, wallet-lifting, jewellery swiping, document forging thieves who ended up inheriting quite a bit.). When I’m 60 (which is hopefully before I get too old and gullible) I’m going to stick everything in trust for my son so I never have this happen to me.

Have you checked he still has the £300,000 in the bank