Will he ever find himself?

[idonthalfpickum]

My partner of several years has gone on his annual pilgrimage to "find himself". He tells me he needs this few days (see two weeks) to be able to cope with the world. This is usually fine by me. However, this year:

1. It was not discussed with me. The first I heard of it was when he was talking over plans with his friend
2. We have a 6 month old. Its been a struggle as he works away a lot and basically I'm looking after them on my own most of the time.

When confronted with the fact that I'm not happy about this and he has been selfish/thoughtless, he informed me that I'm the one being unreasonable. So AIBU?

As soon as he is fine with you doing the same (and you should go first).

2 weeks away without you and his child? I wouldn’t be happy about that. Surely his annual leave should be spent with the family he’s created!

He needs to "find himself." Give me a fucking break. My eyes rolled so hard I think I hurt something. Has he always been such an insufferable fuckwit?

@Aquamarine1029 I think he has and its only since giving birth that I've realised the real him. It doesn't take that much finding.

@Kitsandkids Yes, on a lovely holiday. He was sending me daily updates until I lost my shit with him.

So, when you do get your two weeks’ holiday while he looks after a six month old on his own?

Lucky him if you can afford for him to take a two week solo holiday to chill out and recharge every year - I’d do it every year myself if it was even remotely feasible or fair; who wouldn’t? - but if you don’t get to do the same while he holds the fort at home for two weeks, he’s being a selfish wanker.

@dollydaydream114 He has offered look after her "some time in the future" but I don't think it will be happening any time soon. Plus can I trust him? He obviously doesn't consider me/DD enough to realise going on holiday alone this year is a bad idea (to say the least). Will he consider her/prioritise if he is looking after her?

Jeez this is terrible, I agree with pp, when do you get your 2 weeks away?!

I'd be telling him to go find himself right out the door.

@Coffeeisnecessary "Some time in the future". I've had a really tough few years and I'm the one who needs down time. He doesn't see that. I've spelled it out but nope.

@Aquamarine1029 I have done. I explained the situation, how I felt etc and he really made me out as the unreasonable party. I haven't heard from him all day and tbh I've been far too busy with DD (you know changing, feeding, weaning, entertaining, walking, getting to nap etc) to bother to contact him.

I'd seriously be leaving him.

So, he works away regularly, he has an annual 2 week holiday on his own, he doesn’t allow you any down time and you don’t trust him to look after his own child.

Does he actually add anything to your life?

@LemonAddict I wondered the same in the early hours of the morning. DD hasn't been sleeping too great (and yes, I've done all the night feeds/wake ups - she is BF though). Emotionally, physically and financially...not much.

Is this your DP

Little Time g.co/kgs/9myPXC

Totally unreasonable to decide we wants you to do his share of the parenting and housework for two weeks without discussing it with you.

What a twat!

Parents don't get to swan off for a fortnight like they used to when they were single.

Argh. No link.

https://www.google.com/search?q=i%20had%20a%20little%20time

Are you sure he doesn't have another family OP?

He "works away" goes on fortnight long holidays without you, are you sure he isn't spending that time with his wife and kids?

Sounds brutal but I know of this happening, it's not as rare as you think.

My husband is currently away for a week I have a baby too , I don’t mind as he’s a hands on dad and been flat out recently , I will get the exact same time whenever I want it , think that’s the difference . If you are feeling resentful and left to it on your own and he doesn’t care or notice then how do you come back from that ?

@Stompythedinosaur I usually do most of the housework. He just cooks (makes a mess in the kitchen). He changes nappies and reads to her. He has bought her a few things but beyond that...

He's a selfish bastard who considers himself more important than you. Or your baby.

@Hooferdoofer37 I know thats the usual MN jump to conclusion but no, he doesn't have another family.

He has found himself...
Another woman. 2 weeks jollies then back to reality.

He’s a father. He could ‘find himself’ by throwing himself into that role for a few weeks, given you’re doing most of the parenting at the moment. But no, it has to be a nice solo holiday?

@ichifanny Exactly, its the lack of care and not discussing it with me beford planning. He spends a lot of his annual leave visiting his closest family which doesn't leave much left. He is a workaholic so weekends and evenings are spent working. It would have been lovely to have two weeks together for the first time as a family but no.

I'd tell him he can have the rest of his life to "find himself" and pack his bags.

What a dickhead. You sound like you are better off without him.